חלק 1 סצנת פתיחה: הורים לילד בן 13, שהיה מעורב בתקרית אלימה, מנהלים ויכוח סביב האירוח. האב רוצה להעניש את הילד ואולי אף להגיש נגדו תלונה במשטרה והאם רוצה להגן על הילד מול המערכת; חלק 2 שאלות ותשובות עם הרב ד"ר מיכאל לייטמן: מה העצה שאפשר לתת להורים שלהם גישות הפוכות לגבי חינוך ילדיהם? איזה חינוך לתת לילדים בכדי שידעו לבחור להתנהג נכון? מה משמעות המשפט "חנך הנער על פי דרכו?" האם נכון לתת לילד להתמודד עם התוצאות של המעשים שלו? מה תפקידה של האם ומה תפקידו של האב בחינוך הילדי

How can a mother—a symbol of devotion, love and care toward her children—pay more attention to her phone than to her baby? A lack of maternal interaction can have a very damaging effect on a child's development. Research shows that mothers talked four times less to their babies while engaging with their phones. Where did maternal instincts go? Cell phones are an addition to the phenomenon of the growing ego, which disconnects us from our children. In several places around the world, people don’t even want to have children anymore. The ego is growing in the world, and as a result, the natural connection and devotion between mother and child is weakening. In our times, we are discovering the evil of our egoistic nature more and more, and such a phenomenon as mothers paying more attention to their phones than to their babies adds to this discovery. Indeed, in order for us to truly recognize the evil of our egoistic nature, it needs to be a great evil. As such, we are arriving at the correct diagnosis of our major problem. Yet, what is the cure? We must not listen to our evil inclination. We must view our ego as existing outside of ourselves, instead of immediately approaching it as if it were “me.” It is not me. This is how we can identify our evil inclination and even correct it. It tells us to love only ourselves, so much so that we do not even love our babies as much anymore, never mind loving our spouses or parents. We need to exclude the ego from ourselves and cease identifying ourselves with it. How can we stop identifying ourselves with our ego? We need to cultivate more nurturing relations in our environment, where we relate more considerately and supportively to one another. We are all like relatives. We once used to feel instinctively close, and today we need to develop and rediscover our closeness anew. Mothers will then treat their children with love, but this love will be more conscious, aware, and it will emerge from a deeper feeling. Mothers will want to be closer to their babies and also to foster a basic caring connection to their family and relatives. The maternal instincts that have been disintegrating for many years will become revived in a new, more conscious and aware form. It will shift from instinct to awareness.

Love without any conditions destroys a child. The child comes to feel that the world will give him or her everything without having to do anything in return. Instead, a child should come to know that an appropriate response is expected from them: a thank you, a kiss, or an effort to help out. A child needs to be willing to take part in the family. A common mistake is to do for our children what they could be doing for themselves. We should compliment children for their efforts rather than for their natural talents or qualities. We should teach children to acknowledge what has been given to them by contributing in turn to others’ benefit. Constructive love draws an appropriate response from the child, while destructive love doesn’t take the child’s actions into account. The goal is to educate children so that they know how to receive and how to give in a balanced manner.

Nature creates generation gaps so that humanity will advance. It is impossible to convey the wisdom of life to younger generations, so we need to establish an environment that reflects positive values. If an adult has a desire to give, he should try to learn what is good for the young person and give that. A parent should be close to his child, like a friend, so that he can speak to him freely about everything without moralizing or criticizing. Only love can help us communicate and bridge the generation gap. We should show a child that if he does something wrong, he makes us change our attitude toward him. There is a wide pipeline between our child and us through which love constantly flows, but the key to the tap is in the hands of the child.

What is the importance of a father figure in a person’s development? In the words of Sigmund Freud, “I could not point to any need in childhood as strong as that for a father’s protection.” The importance of the father figure is embedded in nature and our biology. A child who grows up with a distorted fatherly presence, whether the child experiences abuse or neglect from the father, leads to certain distortions that become part of them for the rest of their lives. On the contrary, a child who grows up with a positive father figure accordingly absorbs a positive influence. In our times, since the human ego has reached overblown proportions, in order to be a positive father figure to a child, men need to undergo an educational process that gives them the ability to rise above their egoistic drives and consistently exercise an altruistic attitude to other people, including their family. If speaking in broader terms, then we can also say that humanity’s lack of feeling for its “Father,” i.e. the Creator, the upper force, is the cause of every problem that we experience in our lives. If we felt the caring attitude of our “Father”—the Creator, the upper force—which begets and cares for us at every moment, then we would bear witness to a completely different, positive, harmonious and peaceful world. However, it is impossible to feel such a presence with our inborn properties, because we would then possess no free will. We would feel the full love of the Creator, but we would also be subordinated by it. We thus have no such feeling, and it is in order to be able to act freely, i.e. to develop a similar attitude among each other in society as that of the upper force toward us. Until we do so, we will keep finding ourselves in a world that is full of increasing problems and crises.

The education system needs to teach children how to behave in relationships. Children who grow up in families with violent communication will likely feel insecure and want to escape. They should withdraw from their violent family environments in order to succeed in building new, corrected patterns. They need positive examples to learn from. The first principle we should teach is the principle of equality. If someone relates to us with verbal violence, we reflect the same back to them, like a mirror image, so they will feel their need for correction. Behind the principle of equality, there is a desire to be built by each other, to build the right patterns for ourselves.

Children need to be encouraged to not harm anyone and that, if we preserve our environment and the integrality of nature, we will gain from it. We need to tell children the extent to which we are infinitely connected to nature and emphasize the unity between the forces of nature. We educate them by giving examples and then explaining. We should first ruin as little as possible and then see how we can better our environment. We avoid doing unnecessary things and, by the mere fact that we don’t destroy anything, we already start building. Examining and determining my attitude to everything that happens in advance, from every angle, before we act, is what we need to learn from life.

In a corrected life, we scrutinize the conflicts between us with the intention of reaching love and peace above them. In order to quarrel correctly, we need to learn the method of relationships that is explained in the wisdom of Kabbalah. Men and women are innately different. Quarrels should be regarded as the necessary revelation of each one’s nature in contrast and opposition to the nature of another. The natural gap between them can be bridged when we openly express our preferences, respect each other’s views, set a good examples for one another, and establish mutual understanding.

A long time before kids leave home, we need to get them used to calling their parents once a day and visiting them weekly. It is important for the parents to share what they go through, to show that they care, to ask questions, and to set an example. The parents should prepare their children for the phase of leaving home and raise them to be independent. Kids who have not received the right preparation for life will feel weak, and will find it hard to build themselves and establish a connection with a life partner. Parents should give their children a sense of security, guidance, and a feeling that we are always there for them.

In an emotionally balanced family, the members of the family know how to get along with each other and how to help each other. The emotional balance of each individual in a family depends on the family as a whole. Children who grow up in a connected environment know how to relate to others correctly, are comfortable to live with, and don’t invade anyone’s space. A child can cause a family to lose its balance and upset the general atmosphere. Parents should show that they are not impressed by a child’s extreme behavior. They should set an example by the kind of attitude that they show to others and by keeping their own emotional balance. The parents’ goal is to show that there is a limit to any emotion or relationship.

As parents, we want our children to lead serious, balanced lives and to know how to relate to other people. We need to set the right example of agreement and acceptance between parents, an example of mutual respect. Children need to see that their parents are as one, sharing the same views. It is a principle that stems from “a man and a woman, Divinity dwells between them.” This means that the connection between them is the strongest. As a result of the parents’ example, the children will learn that they too need to try to live in agreement and mutual support. As parents we try to be as one, to share views, desires, and our perspective of each other.