How Should a Couple Prepare Their Child for a New Baby?
Depending on the child’s age, the couple should explain that soon they will have a wonderful addition to the family. A baby is now growing inside Mom’s belly, and when the time comes, the baby will be born and join us. The family will move to a new level, and it will bring great joy to the family. It is important for the child to see that the whole family is involved in this and excited about it. This will help the child feel the same way, to feel that their life is about to become richer.
The preparation process should not involve pressure, but should be carried out very gently. It is worthwhile to show the child examples of pregnancy in the animal world, a cat, perhaps a dog, or to take them to the zoo. It is possible to explain the stages of the process: the belly grows and grows, eventually there is a birth, and then there are little babies. This is nature’s way, these are the laws according to which life develops. And soon, something similar will happen in the family.
The couple can mention other families the child knows that are going through a similar process. They can take the child for a walk in the neighborhood park, where there are parents with babies in strollers. They can show them pictures of their own mother when she was pregnant with them, pictures of themselves as babies, pictures from the pregnancy with them, and pictures of them as a baby. They can tell stories from those days and describe how they went through the various stages. If appropriate, they can invite the child to put their head against Mom’s belly and try to listen to what is happening inside.
It is worthwhile to talk about how the family will soon grow and how everyone will need to take care of the baby together and welcome the baby warmly. They will have a new friend in the family. It is somewhat similar to having a guest come to the home: the family prepares a place for them, think about where they will sleep, what they will eat, and so on.
The couple should thus plan the next stage together with the child: "How will we make room in the house for another family member? What will be best for the baby? What will be comfortable for Mom? What will be comfortable for you? What will be good for the family? How will we build a mutual connection of love and support between us? How will we make sure everyone is happy? What can each person give to the others? In what ways does each of us feel that we need something from the others?" After all, being a family means feeling together, with everyone helping and supporting one another. Moreover, when each family member gives what they can, they reach a kind of equality despite their natural differences.
For such family discussions, the couple can include a teddy bear or doll to represent the family member who is on the way, which can already give a certain feeling that the family is expanding.
"What do we need to buy for the baby? When will we go to the store together?" Naturally, along the way they will buy something for the older child as well. In general, they should always make sure that the child does not feel that their status has diminished, but on the contrary, that it has only grown stronger.
About a month before the birth, the couple can begin talking about how much of Mom’s attention will be focused on caring for the new baby, just as she once devoted so much attention to caring for the older child.
It is worthwhile to show the child a video about breastfeeding, how to change a baby’s diaper, how to bathe a baby, and so on. Perhaps when Mom bathes the baby, the older child’s role will be to hand her the towel, the cream, and other things she needs. Their participation is very important because being a family means that everyone has a role and something to contribute.
As the pregnancy approaches its end, they can take the child with them to the doctor, the specialist who knows how to tell them when the baby is expected to be born. The child can wait outside with Dad while Mom sees the doctor and can observe other families who are in a similar situation.
When the long-awaited time arrives, they will all connect heart to heart. After the birth, they will visit the maternity ward with great joy, flowers, and kisses. Later, they will bring Mom and the baby home and make sure they have everything they need.
Throughout the entire process, it is important to show the child positive examples. For instance, the father might say one evening in the child’s presence, “Wow, I’m so tired, I really want to go to sleep, but I have no choice, I need to help at home.” Examples like these will build healthy patterns of attitude and participation within the child.
Needless to say, the child needs extra attention during this period. If, for example, the father goes shopping, it is worthwhile to take the child along as a partner. They can go out for ice cream together or play in the park. In all such interactions, it is important to make the child feel that they regard them as more grown-up and that every contribution they make is greatly valued and respected. Also, even when just the two of them are together, seemingly alone, they always carry all family members in their hearts. The general message that should be communicated throughout the process in the family is that "we are all one."
Thanks to the new member who is joining the family, the child becomes the older one, someone who is valued and a partner. The couple should convey this feeling to the child with sensitivity and love, from which the whole family will grow together.
Based on "New Life 212 – Preparing Children for the Arrival of Siblings" with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.