http://files.kabbalahmedia.info/download/files/eng_t_rav_2013-12-22_program_haim-hadashim_n273.mp4
Dr. Michael Laitman
A New life
Talks on the Parenting and Family - Learning to be One
Talk 273
December 22, 2013
Oren: [In Hebrew until min (00:59)] Today, within our parent’s course, learning about sexual education and educating towards sexuality, we want to try and simulate a state in which a girl or boy is small and they are growing, becoming older. And we want to understand this process of how to lead them in this developmental process, mentally, emotionally, in the best way. So, Nitzah help us into the talk and explain to us what we are going to focus on.
Nitzah: Right, so we understood in the last show that the purpose of understanding sexuality and creating the right relationships between people is that through this act, we will be able to rise to a higher level of connection in our life in general. And so, we would like to accompany children from the moment they are born, and to discern between the development of a girl who changes into a young woman and to a woman, and also go along with a boy who turns into a young man and to a man, and discern between these two forces of male and female, to learn better what is special in each part, and also afterwards, how they can connect and come together. So we understand…Freud was the one who said that the sexual drive is a life force. But actually, we think that sexual development begins when they are older, but actually it starts from the age of 0. Even within the womb, this process begins. So the first question is, what is sexual development? Where does it begin, at what stage, in accordance to your approach? And how should we see it in the correct integral approach?
Dr. Laitman: We make a mistake calling sexual development the development of our certain impulses, desires, all kinds of desires that exist within us, and this is not right. Our general desire, the desire to enjoy, is constantly developing. So here the question is, what does it mean that it is developing? What does it mean that once there was a small particle that began to develop and then the entire universe came out of it? What happened there? A desire for connection. And then these desires for connection began to build between them all kinds of inanimate forms, and later all kinds of vegetative forms, or the vegetative world, and then the animal kingdom and then human beings.
And all of this started from a desire to connect, but in order to develop, in order to attain a higher degree of existence. This is the correct spiritual desire. Because I connect to someone, you can say a woman, it does not matter. But I connect to someone outside of me in order to create a higher degree of connection. A more developed degree. A better one. So that I will be able to fill myself with energy, with greater fulfilments. This can be on the animal level, on the vegetative level, or the inanimate level, it does not matter. On the human level. This is always the way it happens. And, therefore, when we say sex, it is when I connect to someone who is opposite from me, a stranger, in order to get a pleasure, a higher degree in my development. That is actually my yearning. And therefore, from the sex that we have between us, we do not enjoy it finally. It is just for a moment and then it passes. And we do not understand what the purpose of this act should be. That really, we are yearning for something higher. And because of the lack of knowledge of this, we are like blind people. What exactly, we do not know. We do not know exactly how to fulfil this. So a person leaves his life as empty as he came into it. [Hebrew].
The drop of semen that begins to develop within the mother’s womb, when it divides, and copulates and connects to all kinds of other cells, and they already build a kind of form that is called “Adam”, that is called “a person.” And when he comes out, this person, this human--whether it is a boy or a girl, it does not matter--the connection to his mother that is also a connection, that is also a kind of connection. One is opposed to the other; one is greater, one is smaller; the mother is at a higher degree from the child; and so on. So of course this connection is sexual, and later it becomes more and more so. Subconsciously we are doing so. We do not remember it, but actually all of our connection to a mother is also a connection of sex, and Freud was right about it. There is no question at all. He just did not know how to connect it to the whole matter of nature and the development of civilization and evolution, but he was right about it. So all that we do, and he is right, that everything we do we only, we…it is all centered around the matter of sex. The way we behave, the things we sell, the things we build, all the relationships we have, it is all around connection between us, and the foundation of this connection is sex. And this connection needs to lead us to the creation of a new life. Not on the corporeal level, but also on the higher level. And, therefore, we need, from the first moment actually, to bring a child to the society, to the environment that will be spiritual. Because this baby, even a baby that is just born, feels it through all of his cells. Through his skin, he can feel it.
And of course, even if we begin this education from the age of three, it will be missing. We need to start from the earliest stage, from his parents of course, but also for him to be in the environment, that the connection to everything in life will be a connection that is purposeful. That the type of connection, the way that you have sex-- no matter if you are connecting to a piece of furniture, or to nature, or to a woman, or to my dog, or to anything, it does not matter, whatever way that you relate--they should all be built upon the attainment of a higher state than the one in which I am right now. So this should be the result of our connection. And then, it will not be difficult for us to bring them from childhood to help them come to the right approach. Also, between them and their parents, also with their environment. I am convinced in this because it only depends on creating the right environment that will give the children all of these things. And that will give the right weight to each thing, the right attitude towards everything. And that is it. I do not even see it as a problem. Our problem, for us the process is not understood and, therefore, the younger generation are neglected. We are miserable because we cannot give our children the right form of life.
Nitzah: What is a spiritual environment?
Dr. Laitman: A spiritual environment understands that the connection between couples, between the sexes, and also between each and every one, between males and females, between everyone, needs to be a purposeful connection. For the sake of the creation of life, in order to give birth in the connection between us, and all of our connections, between all the billions of people, to give birth to life on a higher level. Just like we, between us, a man and woman, give birth to children, the same way, all of us need to give birth to a new life. This is called purposeful. And if so, then all of our copulations on the physiological level, they also will give us a light from the attainment of that higher degree. And then, we will, as it is written, it is written that “you shall see your life with the woman that you love.” So there will be a connection between man and woman, that they will not be able to be separated from one another. Because only when they attain this connection between them, they reach a fulfilment that is not attainable with anybody else.
Nitzah: So we look only at a girl, what does she go through in her development? What does she go through in such an environment?
Dr. Laitman: In what I am saying right now, there is no difference between a boy and a girl, because we prepare both of them, boys and girls, to be partners, because it is only possible in the correct partnership. Because each of them are both a man and woman, because each receives and each gives to the other. Without that, we do not have a mutual relationship. And, therefore, we prepare them for this relationship. The act itself of connection appears as the physical foundation of this world in order to bring them to the spiritual connection. It must exist, because we live out of this nourishment. But the attainment of the connection is completely spiritual.
Nitzah: What is a spiritual connection?
Dr. Laitman: It is when I begin to feel the connection... We are talking about couples, right? Sexual education, ok. When I feel in the connection to my partner, this...with her...between us, we connect in a way that this vacant space appears between us, is created between us. And it is filled with a fulfilment that is beyond this world. It ties between us to such an extent that I feel my partner and my partner feels me, and the result of us feeling one another in such an internal way, this is the new degree, the next degree of our existence. The next degree arrives. It is felt by us not by the connection between us, but by us becoming one, where each one receives the desires of the other and each one feels the other. And by that, we become one. When two, us two, rise to a degree, to a level, a state, where we are one, this one becomes our higher degree above the animal level, on the speaking level, the human level. As it is written, “A man and woman, and the Holy Divinity between them, and they become as one,” and so on.
This feeling is a very special feeling. Just like we talked about in the last talk, it is a billion times greater than a state that you ever felt in your life, if you even take all the pleasures that you have ever had. It arrives from the connection between the greatest contradictions in nature. Who are these contradictions? Man and woman, husband and wife. What is the contradiction? The opposition, or contradiction, is throughout all of nature. Inanimate, vegetative, animal, and speaking levels, to the level of…I do not even know how to talk about it. From the Adam into the levels of mentality in spirituality.
Oren: How is it now expressed in my relationship with my partner? My girlfriend, or boyfriend, or husband, or wife, are the most opposed to me in nature?
Dr. Laitman: Yes, of course. What she has in her nature is completely opposite from your nature, and the opposite. That is how we are built. As people who hate each other on the inside. If we saw the nature, if we reveal our inner nature, we would see that we are opposed, that we hate and are distanced from each other. But if I build connection above that, and we do this in overcoming over that, completing over that, and for the sake of this connection we are willing to concede and let go of everything of our personal egos, each one is willing to forget about his own personal ego, just to reach this connection, and is both physical and spiritual, and from that we feel that we reach our next degree where we are one. It is as if we have risen above the sin of the first Adam, original sin.
Nitzah: Hatred as you define it is the…the extent of the hatred is as to the extent of difference and opposition between our natures, right? What does hatred mean? It means that he is the opposite from me, that he is opposed to me? Is that the definition?
Dr. Laitman: Yes.
Nitzah: So, then, what is the connection between hatred and being repelled?
Dr. Laitman: Repulsion is the result. You feel a desire to be distant from something that is different from you, that is opposed to you. This happens naturally.
Nitzah: So, how is it still possible between a man and woman that there is the attraction? Because they are opposites, but they attract. One the one hand there is repulsion and on the other hand, attraction.
Dr. Laitman: On the physiological level, this is possible. But on the spiritual level, it is not possible.
Nitzah: Explain that, because it is interesting.
Dr. Laitman: This is me, and this is her. We see this in many couples. They do not like each other, they hate each other, yesterday they wanted to kill each other. Suddenly, today they connect. They go into bed together, a connection happens. Is that a connection? Is that a relationship? Maybe it is just in order to bring a little pleasure, to release some stress for a few…feel pleasure for a few moments, but that is it. It does not really bring a connection. Even that does not really bring to a connection and to a true relationship, even though it is designed for this. And, therefore, we are not allowed to stop the physical connection, because then there is this danger that people will distance themselves from one another completely. But we are talking about the internal connection. So what are you asking?
Nitzah: First, you described that we are opposites, that male and female are completely opposed opposites. So if there is such an opposition, what brings us to be attracted to each other?
Dr. Laitman: If we were in a big space, to the extent that we were alike, we would be close to one another, and to the extent that we were different and opposed to one another, we would be distant from one another. So I would be in one hand, and she would be in the other. How do we…This is in accordance to our nature: inanimate, vegetative, the animal levels. Also, we see this on a higher level of our opinions, desires and thoughts and everything. But we are in complete opposition from one another. Now, the question is, how can we come closer? If we begin to work above these oppositions and differences, how can we bridge and come closer to one another? The convergence between us has to be above our nature. Each and every one has to forgo his own nature in order to be connected to the other. This is called Zivug, copulation, but not the simple kind, but the kind where you repel. It is a copulation above the repulsion. You don’t understand that also?
Oren: I understand these two words, but I do not understand the process. If…You talked about how two people fought the other day and then they got into bed the next day...
Dr. Laitman: No, no, no. That is not above the repulsion. It has to happen at the same moment that you feel hatred towards your partner, and your partner towards you, but for the sake of attaining the higher degree, a kind of special goal. You now complete one another to such an extent, and make up to such an extent, that it is called that you are copulating in such a way that you cannot separate where is she and where are you. You become unified. And this is while the hatred still exist between you, but below. You build this new degree above it. Otherwise, it would not be an ascent to a new degree.
Oren: If I understand, you are shrinking everything into one point in space. So you gave me an example of a couple that fought one day, the next day they went into bed and made up. But you are saying that this is not really a building of a connection or a relationship.
Dr. Laitman: Right. Each person wants to gain something from the other. A man has a kind of quiet in his mind and his wife gets something for her, for herself. Whatever she wants to purchase, or I don’t know what.
Oren: So this is the normal way of life. We fight a little bit; we go into bed together; we make up a little bit; and this is how our life continues. But you are saying that by that we do not build an internal relationship.
Dr. Laitman: We see how many divorce rates we have.
Oren: Ok, so there, what did we have? We had hatred and repulsion, and then making up and then sexual connection, but then it repeated itself. But you said that this does not mean that they made up and built an internal relationship. But now you gave me a different example that this all happens, all this happens at the same point in time. Both hatred and repulsion are there, and also the making up, also the love, also the concession, I don’t know whatever else. It is all like one big building that happens online at one point in time.
Dr. Laitman: That is why it is a tall building. Because all this mutual ego between you, it creates the height of this building. And you are in the highest story.
Oren: So, let’s say I got it on the theoretical description, but I do not understand how they can be so connected if there is so much hatred below it.
Dr. Laitman: This is called “mature relationship,” that they understand that this is nature that was given to them, and they can act above nature.
Oren: How?
Dr. Laitman: Otherwise, you will never reach connection. Otherwise your connection will be just an illusion. Ok, maybe today for five minutes, just so that we will be able to maybe forget about ourselves and just to have a little fun, we go into bed and forget our fight. But this is not the unity that I was talking about. It does not bring correction. So what does? So, just maybe you should give him some alcohol or drugs and that is it. It does not count. We want to reach a connection between human beings despite their ego, despite their evil inclination, despite their hatred between them. This is something we cannot control. We will control all these bad things. Man’s nature that is evil from youth, we will control it by all of us together learning from one another, and teaching one another to be connected and to love one another mutually above this hatred and despite it.
Nitzah: Ok, so now let’s take a certain state. Let’s say a great hatred has erupted between us. How do I use this sexual act in order to create connection between us?
Dr. Laitman: Do not rush to bed. First of all, education. First of all, what are we doing this for?
Oren: Let’s start from reality. There is hatred here. I can even erupt here. What forces us to do this?
Dr. Laitman: Society. The society around us needs to be around us and pressure us to compel this couple to make up and be together. Because if they are inside their ego, inside their hatred, they will not be able to hear anything. Hatred will blind their eyes. Society, first of all, needs to help them out of this place. You have reached the bottom and you cannot come out it, so society needs to give a little push so that the circle will be able to turn again, the wheel will be able to turn once again. So you need to have the society. Society has to explain to you, because you forgot while you hated one another, even though you used to know. And this must happen each and every time, this influence of the society. So, you have to sit and talk very openly about your nature, and you cannot do this alone. So, there will be a few more couples there around you, because the opinion of society has to fill the air, the space. You have to feel that you must get out of this state, that it is not a coincidence, but it is your nature that is doing this on purpose, so that it is inciting you against each other so that you will rise above the animal level and reach the human level. And you are not coming here to copulate. You are coming to do what I call the copulation of Hakaa, above the repulsion.
And therefore, we need to sit and talk. Why was it given to us? For what purpose? What for do we need to reach? Why were we given this mutual hatred? This repulsion? This state where we hate each other so much that I don’t even want to look in her direction, I don’t want to connect to her, don’t even mention have sex with her, I am not able? I am completely twisted from the inside. How can we use this correctly, mutually? Let’s start to connect above it, both of us. Let’s start to see our ego as our mutual enemy, to abstain from our egos. And in our connection between us, how do we together begin to treat the hate that we have towards her and she towards me, this is not hatred that is in us, it is a hatred towards us, towards the degree that we want to rise up to. So first of all, we see ourselves as connected.
Oren: Is that where you start? Where do we start this talk between us? This picture of being connected or why we have hatred? Organize this for me.
Dr. Laitman: First, you begin with a question, or talking about why is this hatred here, what is it for? It is in order for us to rise to a higher degree. At a higher degree, we are as one, not two. Not two that are connected, but one. First there is one man, and then there is Adam and then Eve that came out of him. So we have to think of ourselves, see ourselves, as connected in this one degree, as one in this higher degree, above all the problems that we have right now at the current degree. So, let’s put it this way. Say a family, during family life, there is a horrible fight. They cannot even look at each other. And suddenly a tragic thing happens. Do they connect? Do they unite? Yes. There is nothing you can do. You forget everything. You have to be together. The common shared trouble connects the two. So it is the same here. It is something similar to this state. We connect, and behave, and act together, against this shared problem. We do not look at it as a problem, but as a means for us…this hatred is a means for us to rise above, to rise higher. And so, we need to see ourselves as one. We have to describe what it means to be as one, that I go above my hatred and my partner also rises above her hatred, and we are constantly connected to one another and constantly thinking how are we connected to one another as one. She and me, I and her, in a mutual way, so that there is no difference between us. It is not that she is in me and I am in her; there is no difference between us. We need to practice, exercise this, with our senses in order to reach such a state…
Oren: Give me an example for an exercise.
Dr. Laitman: I cannot tell you, you just need to try. Try, and you will begin to discern it, to feel it.
Oren: What should I try?
Dr. Laitman: Try to unite with your partner. To be in one heart, in one mind. To be one, not two, that are connected.
Oren: What do I tell myself when I want to try doing that?
Dr. Laitman: You want to feel the higher state in which you disappear. Now in a state that nothing is left from you except for this drop of semen. To be born at a higher degree.
Oren: I didn’t understand.
Dr. Laitman: I cannot explain anymore.
Nitzah: Let’s try to think a moment.
Dr. Laitman: If you do that, now you can go to bed together.
Oren: And then what?
Dr. Laitman: And then you will see. But during the physical act, you will see how much you have to work spiritually. And for both of them, not to turn each other out, but to support one another. And then you will see what pleasure you get from the animalistic behaviour, animalistic act, on the spiritual level.
Oren: What do you mean to do spiritual work during the physical act?
Dr. Laitman: That you are together in one point of connection.
Oren: You mean I need to keep this picture that we are one during the act?
Dr. Laitman: Yeah, that you are in her and she is in you internally, emotionally. And there is something here that you both disappear and become one. There are no words here. The human vocabulary does not include words for it. You can try to turn something around, but these degrees, we cannot express them.
Nitzah: Yeah, but when you explained it, I had this vision that, just like in comics, the person…you see a person with like a bubble of thought. So to try and understand what it means to be one, I have a kind of bubble above me, like an imagination that is floating above me…
Dr. Laitman: You should do such a comic with two people in bed and then bubbles above them. Make it that way, it does not matter. But the most important thing is by that to teach people that they could really use this basic instinct to rise to the spiritual level.
Oren: Where is the hatred in all the story? What happened to it?
Dr. Laitman: It strengthens the connection between them.
Oren: Yeah, but where is it now?
Dr. Laitman: It became part of a new degree that they rose up to.
Oren: Yeah, but where is the hatred they used to have? I understand there is now two levels. I am having sex with her on the physical level, apart from that I need to think in my mind that I want to be inside her emotionally, spiritually. And then she does the same and we become one, with one heart and one mind, and we…the two people disappear and became just one man.
Dr. Laitman: And then, also physically you will feel that you are one.
Oren: So, I understand these two things that I have to do, but where is the repulsion and hatred that you promised will be at the foundation, that they will not disappear, that it is good, that it enhances the love. So, I do not see that anymore. I have my physical connection and the heart-felt connection, but where is the hatred?
Dr. Laitman: You will feel how much they will rise.
Oren: They will come up?
Dr. Laitman: Of course, in the connection between you. In even the most warm, beautiful moments.
Oren: Suddenly it comes up again? It floats up again?
Dr. Laitman: Yes, all the time.
Oren: So what do I do in the middle?
Dr. Laitman: Well, it is written that a person does not attain the highest degree of connection all at once. It happens bit by bit, and this is called the kishui, masacheat talare eoshna, and a lot of sayings. This is all these things from our higher psychology that we need to see here.
Oren: So to say, the hatred and repulsion comes up, what do I do? I am trying to be, to flow with her bodily on the physical level. My heart tries to be with her and suddenly I feel hatred in the middle. What do I do? I run away? I go smoke a cigarette in the living room? So, what do I do?
Dr. Laitman: Let’s say they came, these feelings. No, no, no, this does not come just to fail someone, but only so that he will enter even higher connection. More and more, internally, so that he will rise above this hatred to a higher and higher, more and more internal, connection. Because the full and whole connection must be at the four aspects of development.
Nitzah: You said something very interesting before. You said we should abstain from the ego. Usually what we do when we hate each other, we abstain from the connection. And here it is not that we are abstaining from the connection or even the sex, we are abstaining from the ego, we rise above it. So there is something very nice here because usually we know that in our daily lives when we fight with one another, we abstain from one another. And here we have changed this abstaining, and we direct it towards the hatred, the thing that separates us. So, is this enough for you?
Oren: No, no. We want to raise children. For now we are learning all the things for our lives, we have forgotten our children. So let’s go back to children and that will give us a kind of good continuation point. So, until we reach a state in which we are such partners where we can have such spiritual connections, until we reach such a state, we start as babies. We are in the womb, we are babies. Say I grew up as a young boy, she as a young girl, and in a few years we will find each other in a romantic relationship. But let's start from the beginning. In order for me to prepare my son or my daughter for this--and even now my children are going through these courses at school--I want to prepare them for adult life. So how can I, from the…whenever you tell me to start, how do I need to prepare them that one of these days they will be able to create such a connection with their future husbands or wives. From what age do I need to start preparing them to aim them towards such full and whole connection?
Dr. Laitman: In accordance to their age. For now they want to play, so ok. She wants to play with her dolls, or until a certain age there is no difference between them, say until two or three. So let them play together. You just teach them how to be connected in good relationships, just like we teach them instinctively, “be good children,” “give him the toy,” etc. Later, they already play with different things, so you teach boys separately, and girls. Men teach the boys, and women teach the girls. We have to make this separation.
Nitzah: So here we already separate boys and girls.
Dr. Laitman: Yes, and also between the educators. Men educators for the boys, women educators for the girls. Otherwise, how will they learn? This is a great problem. That our boys are learning, even at school all they see is women. From their mothers, until they leave school, they only have women around them.
Nitzah: Why is this a problem? How does it influence them?
Dr. Laitman: Because how will they get an example? Who can teach them how to relate correctly to one another? Already they have a problem. They are in a sexual relationship with their teacher, with their educator. All the time, it is connection. It is a connection that he feels as a sexual relationship. According to his age he feels it that way. It does not need to be a physical act, it is a connection. Copulation, Zivug, is from the word connection. You have to understand that supposedly we put our kids each time, especially boys, into the wrong education. They receive their education from women. This is completely wrong. Until the age of two, maximum three, this is a time that a child must be next to his mother. Two years of breastfeeding, and that is it. And after that he leaves to receive education, and from two to three he is still with his father a little bit. And afterwards, from three to six, more and more, until he is completely disconnected from his mother. He comes to her, she pets him, she prepares things for him, but also very modestly. She already does not hug him that much or touch him that much, because this does not…this is considered a copulation, a connection between the sexes, however you look at it. We need to correct our education in this way.
But later, when you say when do we begin to educate boys and girls, well it used to be from 14, now it is from 10 or 11. But from this moment onwards we need to…in accordance to the age, just when they begin sex ed. Their development depends on their age. So where do we start? We continue with the same education towards the connection of people but it is...now we add the whole issue of sex. Of course, is a very great addition, very special addition here, but it is in addition to the education towards connection. And this is how we teach them.
Nitzah: So say I am looking at a group of girls right now. We already have the stage where we make the separation. It is a group of small women. What will they learn that will serve them later to connect better towards their male partner?
Dr. Laitman: First of all we teach them, even before this age, how to relate to people, how to value a person, value the human in a person. Not what they look like, not whether they are “macho”. We are looking for a partner for connection, for unity, for unification; the person that will be the best for me to connect to. And really, this partner needs to be right for me in a sense of...physically they do not repel me, because there is such a thing on a natural level. But if there is not such a repulsion on the physiological level, the rest depends on the connection between us on the human level. And in such a way, we should choose our partner for life.
And then we need to teach them how to connect to the other. Mutual psychology, how to make concessions, how to agree, how to connect, how to unite, and so on. And we do not talk so much about the physical act itself, because we do not really need to teach a person about it. He knows this from nature. But we need to teach him how to add this physical act to the internal spiritual act. It is not that we add spirituality to the physical act, because he already learned first of all throughout his education until the age of 11 or 12, how to connect to people. Now he can add this new sexual impulse to this connection.
Nitzah: So now, I am inside this group of girls. I understand that a woman, a girl, is this desire to receive. How do I teach these young women how to receive correctly?
Dr. Laitman: That I receive not for my own pleasure, but in order to give contentment to my partner, and he does the same. And it is not that by that neither of us enjoys, but thinks of the other’s enjoyment. But that, in this way, we reach a state that each and every one feels the shared space between us, what they are giving birth to. It is like giving birth to a new baby, a new degree where they are as one. And that is where we need to aim them. And this one is a very special image, character, they are giving birth to. Something that did not exist before. Something that seems to them eternal, whole. They begin to feel that it is at a higher upper degree or dimension. They feel that it opens up for them a new world. Because connection between opposed parts into one always creates a new degree of existence.
Oren: I have a question. In this process of learning how to receive correctly, you said I receive not for my own personal pleasure, but in order to give contentment and pleasure to my partner, and she does the same for me. And by that is not that nobody enjoys, but we reach a state that we each feel the shared space between us.
Dr. Laitman: Yes. This is a special thing. So what do I do with my pleasure? I don’t have pleasure? It is not that I do not get pleasure from my partner and the opposite, but we take care that we connect as one.
Oren: So tell me what I should do and what I shouldn’t. There is pleasure. What shouldn’t I do? And what should I do? What shouldn’t I do? Let’s start from there.
Dr. Laitman: I rise above my ego and want to fill my partner. My partner rises above their ego and wants to fill me. So this is still the replacement. It is not far from giving 100 shekels in a store and buying some cake. Do you understand? She enjoys me, I enjoy her. It is a little more internal because we are doing this above the ego, but still it is two different people where each one connects to the other and enjoys the pleasure of the other. It is still not the end of the process. It is like a mother towards her children. She forgoes her own ego naturally and gives everything to her children. So what do we do onwards, farther? Farther, we do something very simple. We care and we take care to be as one. Not that she is in me and I am in her, but we are as one, and in an even higher level of connection, even more internal level of connection, so that the personality of each and every one of us disappears in there. And we discover a new shared space which we need to discover, “come and see.”
Oren: I will try to compare this to what I know, and then we will see how to proceed. Usually when I am having sex, I think of my own pleasure. This is the first state. The higher state, I do not think of my own pleasure, I think about her pleasure and she thinks of mine. And the even higher state is, I do not think of the two of us as two separate objects that are giving pleasure to one another-- that you said, it is just like going to the store to buy a cake--but there isn’t any more two different parts, but it is just one. And that is spirituality, that is the high aspect.
Dr. Laitman: Yes, because to fill her, and for her to fill you, excuse me but you can take a prostitute who is very experienced at this to give you pleasure. She will make you feel that you do everything for her and you for her. This is just spiritual prostitution. There are also such examples.
Oren: Ok, so I want to understand, what do I do in this sexual act in order to feel that we are one? I don’t think of my pleasure. I don’t think of causing her pleasure. What do I think about, that we are one?
Dr. Laitman: You want to discover the state in which you are one. What do you mean, who? You are one and not two. Just like Adam before the sin.
Oren: Where is the pleasure of this whole story?
Dr. Laitman: In being one. This will be revealed. You will begin to practice the development of feelings there and you will see how it works.
Nitzah: In the state of being one are there more degrees of development afterwards?
Oren: Wait a minute, I am still trying to enjoy this.
Dr. Laitman: She is already thinking, what else can I enjoy in there.
Oren: I am thinking one, that is it. I am just thinking one. Ok, we started with sex, so where is the pleasure? You said that there will be an orgasm a billion times more than the last time. Where is the orgasm in feeling as one?
Dr. Laitman: Because the two opposing parts connect with one another. That is the pleasure. It is like an atom bomb. I am afraid I do not have anything to add. It is a feeling. This is actually the greatest ecstasy, the greatest revelation, that is possible for a person in this world. In this is what we are destined for in our development as human beings. And the entire difference is that above the animal level we can determine such relationships. Everybody knows how to mate just like a dog, but to build this degree in the connection between two, this is an art.
Nitzah: We go back to the kids. We separated the boys and the girls. We said that a woman, small women, need to get an example from a woman, and boys need to get an example from a man. So let’s say I look at this one group of girls and one group of boys. What do I teach here and what do I teach there?
Dr. Laitman: It is the same.
Nitzah: So why do I need to separate them?
Dr. Laitman: Because you give them an example as a woman. Because with you they are not going to connect in such a way, so you do not confuse them.
Nitzah: So it is not what I am teaching them, but my presence as a woman giving a personal example?
Dr. Laitman: Yes, yes.
Oren: Ok, so let’s say I as a man am teaching the boys. What do I need to emphasize and to aim for?
Dr. Laitman: What do we add to the spiritual connection and the physical connection?
Oren: What do I have to add to them?
Dr. Laitman: Sir, let me finish what I am saying and then start asking. I am sorry. We learn our entire life. We taught them what? How to connect to one another.
Oren: The friends?
Dr. Laitman: No. Boys and girls. How the boys should connect to the girls and the opposite in their society, in their little society. And now the time has come for sexual education. And now we are teaching them how to connect sex to this connection, not in their small groups of boys and girls but between the groups of boys and girls
Oren: So what is the emphasis for the group of boys?
Dr. Laitman: What is the difference between boys and girls in this? There is no difference.
Oren: For girls you said how to value the human in the person and not that he is a “macho” man.
Dr. Laitman: For the boys it is the same, to see the human in the girl and not her…the frame of her body, but her as a partner for internal connection.
Oren: Are there any other emphasis for boys?
Dr. Laitman: No. Only according to the physical nature. The woman gets more used to the man, and the man finds the looks more important, but in accordance to that we need to correct our approach. But of course we continue on the same direction of connection.
Oren: Our time is up. Let’s say we succeeded in this and we brought the perfect sexual education for boys and girls. What person would you see at the end of this perfect sexual education? What kind of person do we find there? What is his relation towards sex?
Dr. Laitman: He has a spiritual connection.
Oren: What do you mean? Describe this perfect person.
Dr. Laitman:Spiritual connection is where all of our instincts and impulses, especially the sexual one, which is so basic, it all comes towards this connection of being as one. We learn that in the family connection, in the romantic partnership, we learn how to be as one. And afterwards, how all of us, all of the people in society should be as one. All of humanity.
Oren: Thank you very much Dr. Laitman. Our time is up. This is something that repeats itself, our time is always up. So thank you very much. It was fascinating. Thank you Nitzah, and thank you for learning to be one. “A New Life.” All the best.
(End of the conversation)