Why Is Public Shaming One of the Most Harmful Actions a Person Can Commit?
Whether we like it or not, we live in a network. Day by day, it becomes clearer how everyone is connected to everyone else, influences everyone else, and depends on everyone else. In such an integral reality, it is worthwhile to understand the laws that govern it and to align ourselves accordingly.
It turns out that our ancestors discovered the laws of this network long ago. Behavioral principles that have been passed down through generations, such as the prohibition against publicly shaming another person, stem from an awareness of the network and an understanding of the destructive consequences such treatment has for others.
Abraham the Babylonian was the first to discover that a single force operates throughout nature and that we, too, must become united. Abraham taught everyone willing to listen how to connect to others through kindness, love, and mutual complementarity, how to rise above every eruption of ego and every feeling of rejection.
Most people were not interested in his message. They became entangled in fierce conflicts and eventually dispersed from ancient Babylon across the world. The few who were drawn to him formed a unique community that later became a nation. They lived according to the laws of the network: "Do not do to your friend what is hateful to you," "Love your neighbor as yourself," and "All of Israel are friends."
Abraham taught them that, by nature, the network connecting everyone is initially experienced as something unpleasant. Why? It is because connection with others contradicts the narrow egoism that continually grows within a person. This force causes each individual to feel distant from others, unable to understand them, eager to exploit them for personal gain whenever possible, and inclined to treat them badly.
"There is nothing to be done with this ego," Abraham explained. "There is no point in examining who did what to whom, and why. Everyone possesses an evil inclination, and it will always find a way to justify itself."
The comprehensive solution is expressed in a simple formula: "Love will cover all transgressions." In other words, we must learn how to rise above every manifestation of evil and begin drawing closer to one another, actively expressing goodwill, consideration, and care. There is no alternative. If we do not make this collective effort, the ego’s games will destroy us in every area and at every level.
And look at us today. Humanity is interconnected, yet the relationships between people are increasingly poor. This time, unlike the story of the Tower of Babel, there is nowhere left to disperse. We do not have another planet Earth. We are all in the same boat, and if we do not learn how to get along, we will likely sink together.
The still, vegetative, animate, and human levels of nature are all part of the same network. The law of connection states that every individual action affects the entire system. If we treat another person badly, we inject egoistic forces, negative charges, into the network. By doing so, we create imbalance and damage at every level of nature.
Accordingly, we are likely to see various consequences, from worsening climate conditions through to the spread of diseases and pandemics, the disappearance of species, problems in agriculture and food supply, and severe conflicts on interpersonal, social, and international levels.
As the ego grows stronger, we become increasingly insensitive and harmful to each other. When a blow boomerangs back to us through the network, we lack the sensitivity to see how we ourselves contributed to it. Yet that is precisely what is happening.
With this integral perspective, let us return to the example we mentioned earlier, that "a person must be careful not to shame another publicly" (Maimonides, Laws of Character Traits), and add several observations from the viewpoint of the network.
When we shame someone, we harm their very sense of self, their foundation. It is as though we say that it is a shame they exist at all. We erase them, remove them from the web of human connection, and effectively announce: "Attention, there is a harmful person among us!"
The person who is shamed withdraws. They want to escape, distance themselves, sever all connections, isolate themselves, and disappear from reality altogether. Therefore, anyone who humiliates another person invites upon themselves a blow from the network that is multiplied many times over.
We do not perceive this directly through our senses, because we are meant to have the freedom to discern between good and evil, truth and falsehood, and to develop awareness.
When we think about it more deeply, even if someone has done something wrong, that wrongdoing is a symptom of a broader social problem. We are social creatures, influenced by the values we absorb from our environment. Publicly shaming a person for their actions has no educational value; it merely provokes further outbreaks of hatred and runs contrary to the overall direction of human development, which is to unity and mutual complementarity.
A root solution to harmful behavior can come only through building a better environment. This requires a revolution in perception, education, culture, and society as a whole—one that gives every individual an integral sense that they live within a network and understand how they should behave within it.
Such a society would possess tremendous power. It would be able to support each individual above their egoistic impulses and elevate all of us together to a new level of existence: integral, connected, and filled with warmth, mutual responsibility, and love.
This is what Abraham the Patriarch spoke about. This is what he wished to bring to all of humanity. If we realize his method of connection among ourselves, we will finally begin to be a light unto the world.
Based on “New Life 163 – Corrected Relationships - Not Shaming a Person” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.