http://files.kabbalahmedia.info/download/video/eng_t_Dr._2012-06-26_program_haim-hadashim_n21.wmv
Dr. Michael Laitman
A New life
Talk 21- Talks on the New World of Work
June 26, 2012
Oren: [No sound] … we have also Nitzah Mazoz and Orit Dolev who is a psychologist and educational implemental and treats families. We join you to our conversation and we want to hear, to speak today about how we are implementing in our daily life, at home, at work, in all the systems of relationship that we are in, a good connection between people. How we can transfer all our lives from just connecting our connections to lines of good and being good and we’ll talk with Dr. Laitman about the topic and you’ll join us. Dr. Laitman, I think, I’d like to say, as a certain general direction in our opening, til today we spoke a lot about the situation of the society and of the world state and the state of the person inside the 20th century. We developed it from the point of view of the historical view, evolutional, from nature, how it leads us in all these processes. But still, we didn’t reach the person from who has his private life, who has things that have to do with relationship, with his partner, with his children, his parents, people that he works with, those in the building that he lives, his neighbors, these are the relationships that he lives within. And the process of this project is to start talking about him, at his level. And to start this amazing, to develop this amazing wisdom, to simplify for him that he’ll understand that we are talking about him and things that are practical, what we can recommend him so he can use them to solve the problems he has with people around him. This is the general direction of this project and I hope that we will succeed to do this because people need this. I just want to add from previous content that we developed, the central feedback that I am receiving and also feel personally that the things are nice but the perception is huge, our development is huge in its circumference and the person doesn’t have the tools, not mine is mine, not in the sensation to grasp this, this enormity. And he has to get far from the state of the world, and ecology and historic development, get far from all that to run exactly to the other side to one thing, to the person to lives in his home and works in some place and to take our wisdom and format it for his benefit. And I think that if Nitzah could present some initial questions that will direct us that would be good.
Dr. Laitman: I’d say a few words here first. I don’t feel comfortable with the state that you are trying to enter me into. Why? Because my nature and as much as I remember myself, I was always drawn to seeing the big picture, the general picture, the fundamentals of the world, the general law of nature from which everything stems. If I were to go to a test in math or in physics, I would have to sometimes first build a formula and then from the formula solve the problem. Because I wouldn’t remember formulas but I’d remember the foundation. I’d understand it, which is very different from the approach that Oren just presented. So, you’ll have to press me and maybe I’ll be able to dress also in the individual simple person and also at his level, which is really not capable, I think, and maybe it’s possible that we’ll succeed. But, once again, I am apologizing in advance. Please, you’re first.
Nitzah: So the first question is, a general question, which says, we heard you not once say that our difficulty, our problems, come in the relationship between us, the connection between us. So, why don’t you widen it a little bit, explain a little bit about this place. What is this thing, this connection, this relationship?
Dr. Laitman: We see this first of all from studies and you probably know from studies of psychologists, sociologists, how much the society influences a person and how much a person influences the society. And now, I read not too long ago, I think, a study of a big psychologist group that other than food, drink, and rest, heating, you know, heating, walls to live in, other than the principle things that are necessary for a person, all the rest that can truly fill him is not money, and not anything, rather the relationship, the societal relationship. This is somewhere with me, I have this study that is from American university, very serious people, group of psychologists that did this throughout many years. So, it’s certain that a person is very much influenced by his environment and other than the necessary things for existence, for his bodily needs, all the rest is the relationship of the environment which can cover for him. Not even respect and control, and not even science and knowledge, nothing. If the society, the environment relates to him good and nice and warm, it can fill all his needs other than his bodily needs, like food, family and sex. So, here we see how much the environment is an important thing here.
Nitzah: Actually, if I am hearing correctly from you, you are saying that our happiness is in the relationship.
Dr. Laitman: Yes, if this is how we phrase it.
Nitzah: Question is; how do we build good relationships, good corrected relationships?
Dr. Laitman: Meaning, even the smallest person who knows only how to work, to be at home, a little football here, a little something else there, you know… just lives like that, he feels himself alive and good under the condition that he feels a good attitude from the environment. And if it is so, then our solution is simple: how do we teach him to change the environment so that it will be good to him? How do we construct such people, let’s say in a group, or somehow so that they will arrange the environment which is good for themselves, like some club or something; so he’ll feel good, so he’ll fill his life with good. Of course, it won’t fill his necessary nourishment, but all the rest he will fill.
Oren: I’d like to add here, some angle of view here, [lost sound @ minute 8)] to create this good atmosphere in his environment.
Dr. Laitman: It can be that he doesn’t need to create the atmosphere, rather he starts operating this way towards others, [some sound loss @ minute 9], he starts talking to them and maybe even that’s enough.
Orit: Actually, from us knowing the patience that people have, that they want everything now and immediately, if one will start to use the method that you are going to teach us and to implement it towards others who have not necessarily learned what we are doing here and will gain a not positive relationships that he expected.
Dr. Laitman: First of all, I don’t think so. It doesn’t seem to me like that, that it won’t be a positive attitude. He won’t get a really negative attitude. No one will laugh at him; they won’t talk about him. If he all of a sudden changes his relationships to a little bit for the better, a few words, some smile; I think he will receive and return the same thing. This is our nature, and anyhow, we are not capable of even… let’s say it this way, to get close to some criminal and give him a flower, or smile to him, or in some way do something towards him. He is incapable after being presented with such an attitude to develop a bad response. He is not capable. This is known. And also, it’s been used in psychology for people that want to help; when we want to help them learn how to relate to a hostile environment even. Once it used to be (now it’s not so nice to use this example) “Excuse me please, do you have a lighter?” It’s enough. You are already neutralizing him. You are already entering some connection to something.
Nitzah: I hear you say, and talking about psychology and the method, and I’m asking myself, there are many methods and approaches that talk about relationships, but the effect is that in actuality we haven’t succeeded today to feel better about in our relationships. On the contrary, we even experience a trickling down and descent?
Dr. Laitman: I think, that the problem is in a wide place with the society, with the people; that people understand out of a long explanation, a real explanation from school and kindergartens, and at the workplace, and every place, the simple person where he is, his children are, his wife and him, he hears that he can be really happy in life if the society will relate to him well. To learn a little bit this law, that’s what it means. And then, let him try. So, each person who hears, he just simply doesn’t hear, he doesn’t know. Psychologists work only with those people who come to them. And then, it’s not… what can they do? I take an example today from forbidding smoking. I just came back from a long trip, South America, North America…. for weeks I was away from home. Every place I go, it’s craziness; you are not allowed to smoke here, go down there, you are not allowed there, every place, in the airport, any place. In short, we see, that if a society wants something and it takes this thing as some bad element which is also in doubt, to that point that really here they sell cigarettes and you are not allowed to smoke them in any place. This is really the situation we are in. But, this is a really good example where we took something which is doubtful if it’s really so harmful and we made from it something that is against billions of dollars of sales and what not. I am not allowed to smoke. It was totally forbidden of me, totally. So, why can’t they do the same thing with a little explanation of how to make a person happy? He will live much better from this; many more years than whether he will smoke or not smoke. I am certain, that a person who has good environment, who is in a good state lives and continues to become at work and every place, more beneficial. The level of crime goes down and it’s certain that the whole society will gain from this. Why can’t we do this? Against cigarettes they succeeded, and for it no? It’s not clear to me. And it’s something that certainly, even those that don’t smoke or do smoke, they all feel a difference in this.
Orit: A question, to what group do we need to start with this effort? After all we have babies, children, friends.
Dr. Laitman: Everyone needs a good attitude from the environment all at once. There is no one out of the ordinary here; there is no one who doesn’t feel it. You can always add to the mood, a good relationship, a smile; you can always do it. But we are willing to give a smile for money. Flight attendants smile; there is someone who serves every place. They smile, and that’s it. All the rest just look at you, like…
Orit: So, you are saying that, actually, at the same time we need to enter all the levels of acquaintances in this method to develop smile?
Dr. Laitman: The projection of a warm attitude, simply, each person to another. Again, I am saying, this is more worthwhile than money. A person needs to understand that he gains from this, he earns from this. It’s just like if I want to lose weight, I want to be healthier, I have some diseases I want to get rid of, I have some problem there home, at work, I need to know that from a smile I am healing all these things; they leave me slowly. Let’s try. And it really will be this way.
Orit: So from this the person himself needs to understand that he is the first, he is the one who does this change and he will receive the feedback in a positive way.
Dr. Laitman: Yes, it’s not some imaginary… it’s like a self-instruction.
Nitzah: So, actually, there is no method here?
Dr. Laitman: Why there is not a method? Yes, there is a method.
Nitzah: What’s the method?
Dr. Laitman: That if I smile to others and if we will do this with a wide explanation then we’ll reach a state which our society will be more nice, more warm and each person will feel himself that he really is in a good attitude and the mood will rise, the diseases and stresses and nerves will lower, the relationships at work and with the boss and with the workers will rise and all the results from his work and at home and everything will… it’s all a habit, everything is… and habit becomes second nature. If the society relates this way or that way, even if everyone does this artificially, it enters nature and slowly we advance. All of a sudden I see that it’s not worthwhile for me to do something bad to another. I gain from this, I earn from this. From my ego I feel good with everyone.
Nitzah: If we would have looked at it and I would have called it, let’s say, the method of good connection between people, is the smile the only thing that’s in the method or there is only one principle in the method?
Dr. Laitman: No, the first principle is that if I relate to others well, I acquire from this money, health, peace, and all sorts of good, positive things. This is what we need to explain with [lost sound minute 18-18: 50]
Orit: [lost sound minute 18:38] Now, I am going to go and smile. So if I go and smile, it will be an example for the rest?
Dr. Laitman: That’s true. But they too need to get it from the media, from school, from kindergarten, from lectures at work, all sorts. I think that every person could be interested in this. Even that person at work, if all of sudden there is between people at work same relationship, if no one puts a stake in someone’s wheel in the bicycle, you know, it influences the result., you know, at work and common work and so forth.
Nitzah: So, if I am looking at it, the first principle is good attitude
Dr. Laitman: Because I earn, because I gain, not to forget because this is everything. It’s worthwhile for me to relate well to others well, because I gain from this health and in the end it’s money and security and more and more things.
Orit: There was an interesting study in Britain, a while back; they took small children, ages three to four. They sat them in different rooms and they showed them a TV program. The TV program, there was blood, a person who had a big puppet and he hugged it and kissed it and loved it and caressed it. And then they let people enter another room that had that doll. They truly did the same action. Then they took those same children in the same place and movie he was beating up the doll and children were much more aggressive rather than much more positive like they were before. I am telling this because the experiment was cut off in the middle when they only showed us the ability of influence. But they didn’t perceive with the area where there is profit, when you talked about profit.
Dr. Laitman: Yes, and no. It’s not a complete experiment at all, because they didn’t try the relationship between the children; they didn’t show examples from the older people. They should have seen a very positive example in all forms, from a good relationship and a very bad example from all kinds of ways from a bad relationship which will enter to them fear, truly fear from the bad attitude and entered warmth to a way that they are used to it. It depends on the properties of a person. And Europe is not the same as it’s in Asia or Africa. It’s clear that there must be a different approach and different explanations. But all in all, we must show them, also in the family, not just towards a doll. The doll just shows that person lives from example. Examples that give to each other are much more beneficial.
Orit: And you are going back to the connection that’s between people.
Dr. Laitman: Yes, and also they are strengthening all the time and each benefits the other.
Nitzah: Now I am asking, I understand that here, there are two things here, really, a good attitude and a smile. We all know that’s not simple to do. Meaning, I can understand it in my head…
Dr. Laitman: Why is it not simple?
Nitzah: Because, if I am now in some situation that, really, I have some anger.
Dr. Laitman: And, if around you everyone is different? But, let’s say they let you break out; how long will you maintain the bad, if everyone is calm and smiling.
Nitzah: But, not everyone is a 100 percent.
Dr. Laitman: Wait, one moment, I want to stay in this that a person in a positive society cannot be evil.
Oren: Yeah, but society is not positive.
Dr. Laitman: But, of course that we start with the fact that we are all evil.
Oren: But by this massive environment.
Dr. Laitman: Why did I give the example of the cigarettes?
Oren: But for this you need a society, a total society move.
Dr. Laitman: In this project we don’t want to cancel all the society.
Oren: You want this only from the individual?
Dr. Laitman: Yes, only what he can do [sound loss minute 23:08- 23:48] and I am limited in every place, to the point where even in the street I cannot smoke… in the street you understand? It is really like this. In Israel, here it’s like freedom. In Europe and in America, it’s … [sound loss minute 24:05] you can’t smoke in the same side of the street, you have to go a few roads by, you have some place there where you can do it. In the street simply hurricanes are going about you, that’s fine. The poor cigarette can’t. Meaning, they go down on a person in such a way because they decided that this causes harm. If it’s a bad cause, then okay, why here not? The problem is that maybe psychologists are not pushing enough as much as doctors with smoking. They pushed it against all the cigarette producers do you know what organizations, what billions of dollars, what lobbying, what force it took and look what they did? Well, do you know how much goes down all over the world this whole matter?
Nitzah: You are talking about the influence of the environment and when you are talking about influence of the environment you are actually talking about the influence of the society. So a person in a home, his home, his family, is this an environment?
Dr. Laitman: Of course, yes. And we can at home organize a state of it’s own. We can sit around the table, determine everyone that we don’t care what’s outside, yeah, but at home we will behave in a different way. We have here, a true whole country here, and here we want to determine totally different laws.
Nitzah: And over there we, actually, we would like to aim all our questions.
Dr. Laitman: Okay, so, let’s do it like this way. At home, at least at home when we go back, there is no fight, there are no problems, well, there are problems but we deal with them in a totally different way. First of all, whoever comes home takes all his problems off, like the external clothing outside door. Enters the opening in his home, only a smile, only good attitude, everything is excellent; everyone, totally. We agreed?
Nitzah: Agreed
Dr. Laitman: Let’s sign a contract
Orit: How realistic is this?
Dr. Laitman: How realistic is this?
Orit: I receive such anger from the fact that that someone cut me off in the street and I almost fell over because of him. I come home I am all…
Dr. Laitman: No, no, no, you are getting closer to the door and at the door it says, “Here, we only enter with a smile”. Only with a smile, that’s it. So children measure your smile, let’s say it’s 8 centimetres from corner to corner, any less than that you are not allowed to enter; this is the condition for mommy and daddy and each and every one. Seriously, you are a psychologist, you know this from psychology, you put on such a mask, and enter home, yeah? And that’s it. After that, everything that comes along, and everything you say, now, I’ll tell you of what’s going on. You hold yourself from not bursting out, and you tell this in a nice and good way.
Orit: After I am calm
Dr. Laitman: Yeah. Let’s say now, today, I really blew up, knocked my car against something, I had a flat tire, you know, everything. But now it’s not too bad. We’ll get past it. Tell me, you as a psychologist, do you think it is impossible if the whole home is pressing you to relate in this way to everyone? Won’t you be ashamed to relate in a different way? No?
Orit: Yeah, first of all this is not something that’s implemented, it’s theoretical. But it sounds right to me. It sounds to me absolutely a good influence of the home.
Dr. Laitman: I mean everything is a habit. We are used to take everything out, we think that by doing this it will be good for us, and it will be good for the world; not for the family, to the close environment around us. That by doing his, just like the Japanese with these dolls that they invented for beating them up and so forth. If the person doesn’t know how to compensate in a different way, then certainly it can be good. But, we really don’t see that the society from this became better. This calm, it’s not a calm, it’s simply, it’s breaking itself up. It takes the right stress down it, it turns the internal stress to physical stress, but all in all the society from this does not become better. We see that the problems there are no smaller than other places and other than that, they are Japanese; they have their whole methods, their ancient methods. And not every place this works. And we who are more belonging to the European side, we see that it’s not just like that. It’s not we ae drawn to this, rather more to shouting, to nerves to fighting to quarrelling. Oh, I fought now, now I calm down. But he doesn’t calm down. The truth of matter is, it enters deeper, because I transferred the internal force of mine only to a shout and to nerves, I tired from this and not that from this I am healing.
Nitzah: So, if I, for instance now, as a person, as a mother, I want to within my system of my home in that environment, I want to build this result. I want my family to live in harmony and have the relationships be very good. How do I start doing this, where do we start?
Dr. Laitman: We start from explanations, from examples, from reading stories. Look, I tell you, it used to be like that with me. My son went to study in the Yeshiva, the girls went to study in Beit Yaakov, and at home there was a different atmosphere completely. It’s not that I am doing some publicity here, but there is a certain level of attitude that needs to be in relationship, that needs to be at home, towards the parents, towards the children. They teach the kids they are allowed how to relate to the parents, with respect to the parents. Quarrels are in every place, but anyhow, the general level is much more calm. There is no examples there of quarrels there and fights. Meaning, we see, it’s not that I am, God forbid, saying that everyone to repent in the audience, but I am saying that if the society wants and determines to itself certain laws , it doesn’t matter if they come from the Torah or from doctors, or some other place. But if the society takes it and determines it we see that it will exist this way.
Nitzah: Actually, you are talking about certain values and gradient of values?
Dr. Laitman: There is from the point of Torah; here needs to be from the point of health or from the point of money. A person needs to understand that he is losing. Attitude from the relationship, from the society is equal, my health, my calmness, my rest, and so forth. And also, at work it costs money. I can earn more, I can do more things, I am in a more secure state and so forth. The profit needs to be here, first of all. And after that there is no problem, just like the cigarettes. They’ll show me, everyone will show me that, supposedly, much more people die from all sorts of diseases, just like it’s written on box and box and that’s it. Because if not you’ll die from it. They did it very nice. I am really, feel it’s very effective. It’s a very good example for us.
Nitzah: The question is really, are relationships, are similar systems or are they much more complex and they have all sorts of...?
Dr. Laitman: Yes, but to bring a person to a state in which he’ll be happy, if we say that other than food, warmth, and a place, you know, all these things, what he must have for life, what his body needs? All the rest he feels through the societal relationships, then what else is there to do? And if we will change the societal relationships to the better, then he’ll not only earn from that, earn from smile, but he’ll also get some support. And he’ll also want support from here and there. And from here and on you have an opening to a more balanced society. He’ll feel from this not only smile, he’ll also feel more security, and security also in materialistic security, not just the…
Orit: I have some story, maybe not a study, about a person who comes to a very big factory and he decided that he wants the mood and the effectiveness of the people there to be bigger. So, he decided that every once in a while he’d give them a bonus. And really, people were a little bit more productive and atmosphere was a little bit better. Then one day they started coming to demands that they wanted a bigger bonus. That in order to increase the effectiveness they want a bigger bonus. How do we in a place of doing something that’s positive toward the individual, towards certain people, in the end we gain a certain, bigger demand?
Dr. Laitman: They are right; they want to earn more from the smile. Meaning they already felt that their smile is worth a lot more money. It’s very good.
Orit: It’s not like coercion or blackmail?
Dr. Laitman: Why coercion? If you come to the factory owner, and talk to him with a smile, before him with a smile to him, you say, you are a good person and we are also good people, right? Yes, you are good. Let’s do a calculation, how much now our effectiveness rose, our good attitude between us how much it contributed. And if, in ten percent we are doing more, meaning you’re earning 10 percent from us, right? How much did you promise to pay us from that, to add? I don’t know, some bonus, another vacation day, or once a month a picnic, let’s say, or something like this. We want from you a little bit more. You see, that according to the numbers it’s worthwhile for you. We do know that’s it worthwhile for us, also the attitude, also the nerves and the health. How much we are earning now that we are less sick, how much we are earning from the attitude to work; I don’t want to run away from work before time is over; I don’t want to smoke every half an hour for nerves. We are not just talking about this, about gossip during work, I don’t take some sick days whenever I want or don’t want, yeah? So, let’s do a calculation, it’s really worthwhile both to you and to us, other than the smile, to also divide a little bit on the cash. What’s the problem?
Orit: Yes, that would be very interesting.
Dr. Laitman: No, I think that it’s possible. Just like with cigarettes, and all these other things they did studies, they brought the tables and graphs and all sorts of formulas. To what degree causes good or bad, and they proved to them. There was a big war there. What do you think, just like those of Philip Morris and all those, they just agreed to all these things? They have don’t have lobbyist in the Governments? Try to do now something against Coca Cola, let’s say, which is more harmful than cigarettes for sure and also children know that. Try to do that now, simply a strong lobby. But there is going to be something like that in an anti. There can’t be anyone who’s against. Who would say that, no, the fight is worthwhile, it’s beneficial? It’s simple; it’s all in our hands.
Orit: So, from the beginning you are saying that every lobby and every relationship we need to come with a positive approach; we need to come from a place of wanting to do some improvement, some correction.
Dr. Laitman: Of course. We need to benefit, earn, and we need to show profit. You have to show profit. What did all these doctors do to say, or whoever arranged all these things for them about the cigarettes? They came to the Government and they said, “If we are not stopping to smoke, in a such a way like we did before, you, the Government, are losing in health, and in sickness and work days and so forth, let’s say, ten billion dollar a year”. Let’s say; it’s much more, but let’s say. The Government made a calculation, how much they are receiving from those, from the cigarette lobbyists and how much they make, and made a calculation, and all in all, they conceded.
Orit: And this brings us back to the profit.
Dr. Laitman: Yeah, here there is no problem. It’s a calculation; it’s certain, here we have no problem, it’s certain we are earning from this; what are we paying for this? Now we are talking about the force of surrendering goes down with people, so it’s best to do it with cigarettes. They say Russia is all held because they sell, their whole economy is not falling because each person buys every day a bottle of Vodka. With us, every time, if we were to buy a cigarette every day, which costs a lot more than a bottle of Vodka, today, yeah, yeah, I am telling you, then, then it’s clear, clean profit to the Government and anyway, they conceded. They made a calculation. And therefore I am saying, we have no problem to approach, but it has to be done. A person alone, to teach him alone and his family how to do his; to even teach him other than their home; it is work place to do like this. It could be, but once again, without support of the environment in which he can make an agreement with…
Oren: Can we talk about the profit, really, and the same discussion that you did about profit? Can we do such a thing, discussion about profit at home and then we pass to the work? Let’s say we are home dwellers and we sit down and we do we just said today, what’s the profit that we’ll gain, if we’ll have, what? How would you even describe what needs to be between us?
Dr. Laitman: An agreement, a positive agreement, social, warm, and positive, and smiling.
Oren: This is what has to be at home. What do we earn? What’s the profit? You said it’s important that everyone sees the profit
Dr. Laitman: It’s clear to us that a person cannot exists alone, that he needs the society, if he’s sick, if he is old, if he is small, if he is tired; in a thousand situations we need support, without which we won’t be able to exist. I must. Even there are those who don’t give, have children, and they keep all their money for old age that later they’ll be able to buy their therapists and a fancy nursing home. Anyhow, we need society. So, they are buying by this. We are constructed in such a way that we cannot exist without society. So at home it’s certain that it’s worthwhile.
Oren: What’s worthwhile that we should have a good attitude, a good relationship? What’s the profit? Can you, like, talk about concrete profits? We are already at home. We are not alone.
Dr. Laitman: You are already with me at home, I think, that if today we come to 60 percent divorce rate, in Europe and in America, in Israel it’s a little less, 40 percent we are already coming, I don’t know, but let’s say. So, if so, I think it wouldn’t happen, it wouldn’t happen. If I have a good attitude and support, especially when there are already children; then why get divorced? Why get divorce? What, next time it will be better? The matter doesn’t hold a person he receives like from his mother’s home… a good attitude. He is like a little child. He doesn’t want to escape this. You need to hold him.
Oren: What warmth?
Dr. Laitman: Warmth, good attitude, understanding, this holds us; every person wants this.
Orit: Usually at home, just about in every home, there is always food and cooking, usually. Warmth and loving is something a little bit less. But, usually what is there is a certain security. And anyhow, although this is a good thing but we still see some phenomena.
Dr. Laitman: There is no attitude, no relation. You see, I can come home and there is food in the refrigerator. Good, I take; you can heat up, I heat up. This is, attitude is something different. I can see some simple sandwich, even it, I can do on my own, from bread, pastrami and tahina, and that’s it. It has to do with attitude. It has nothing to do with the food that’s cooked or not.
Orit: So, if someone comes home, and he is told hello, how are you, welcome, prepare a sandwich. Is that better?
Dr. Laitman: Yeah, prepare a sandwich.
Orit: Are you hungry?
Dr. Laitman: Soon I’ll be hungry. I don’t understand you, you feel with this you transfer warmth?
Orit: I am saying with me it could be a little bit different.
Dr. Laitman: So, you smile and you say if you want to eat go to the refrigerator?
Orit: Let’s not take me as an example; take other people as an example. Because many people come with troubles. There are all sorts of troubles.
Dr. Laitman: For troubles there needs to be a different time and not immediately, not immediately. Let’s say every Monday and Thursday, for 15 minutes, from 8 to 8:15. That’s it.
Orit: To determine a time?
Dr. Laitman: Yes, define a time; yeah, there is nothing else. I am saying this on purpose. I am saying it seriously, so it won’t be with nerves and anything. We’ll sit there and through this filter, you only transfer the problem itself and you talk about it, that this is like the problem not your attitude, not his, someone else’s attitude, rather what do we have? That’s it.
Nitzah: What’s the difference between attitude and a relationship?
Dr. Laitman: I don’t know. It appears to me that a relationship is what we are building. Rabash, my teacher used to say this way: love is an animal which is grown at home out of mutual conceding or consents. That’s it. A pet, which grows from mutual conceding.
Nitzah: So, this love is actually a relationship?
Dr. Laitman: That’s love. I am not talking about just warmth and smile. Mutual. That’s it, first of all.
Oren: Do we have other questions on this general level of our first discussion, or…?
Orit: I think we can start talking about the cases.
Oren: You, too agree? Okay, so we will end our discussion here, our first discussion. Thank you very much Dr. Laitman.
Dr. Laitman: I just want to say, to add one more thing. We don’t understand what an example of education we are giving in this to children. The fact that you are passing on your spOrit at home, moving away from all the quarrels at different times. By doing so it’s certain your grandchildren will be educated that way. Because what you are educating your children will be passed on to a place in which you don’t have control any more, or maybe you don’t even exist any more, in this world. It’s a very important educational topic. You need to take into account what security you are giving to your children. Because if they relate to everyone with a smile, you have certainly a better chance that they won’t get hurt, they won’t be hurt. We always say this to a child: don’t be bad, don’t hit him, don’t do this, why? Because we understand that this stands him a level of security which is larger.
Oren: I didn’t understand this.
Dr. Laitman: If you relate to others well you have a less chance of being harmed.
Oren: Certainly.
Dr. Laitman: So, you have a matter of education, a matter of security, you can’t even appreciate this, that children are educated this way. This, such a child comes as an adult to a university, to the work place, do you understand how they receive him? He is a, he is a precious commodity. He can come to every place, he can be the organizer, the leader, you understand, because he knows how to relate well. It’s a natural to him. He understands that by doing so he benefits, he earns. He learned this, his habit became second nature. By doing, so we can change the whole, the whole generation. And what is such a problem, even enter this now in the kindergarten and in school in which it’s a problem there, with studying and all the things; it’s the opposite of what we are talking about, now.
Nitzah: Can we say that this method, or this process is actually building the proper attitude? Is this the question that we need to be constantly examining by ourselves?
Dr. Laitman: We live in a society, we are humans, we need a society. We live in a society which is really opposite of what we are ourselves, what we ourselves would want. I as a person would like for everyone to be friends. That everyone will be nice and good, and I won’t constantly be in stress to be hurt by someone or harm someone. We want this. Do we want this or not? Yeah, we want. All the criminals come out because they didn’t receive such an attitude. So, why aren’t we doing this?
Nitzah: Maybe, because we don’t know how.
Dr. Laitman: So, let’s try at least. There is no such a thing and with us now, in our times in which we are so connected, and we can start advertising these things through the virtual networks; especially when it has to do with children. And, well, there are other things that I don’t want to enter, now, but, that’s it.
Oren: We will enter many things. Our purpose in this discussion, if you have other questions now is the time. Do you have something else? Our discussion, our purpose was to define a general direction about the topic and then in the next sessions…
Dr. Laitman: You are talking about the individual, especially?
Oren: Certainly.
Dr. Laitman: The individual person we need to understand that an individual does not stand an environment that’s more than 10, let’s say.
Oren: Even less, in work, maybe, 10.
Dr. Laitman: Yeah, from psychology, he can’t. If we are talking about 100s of people he is really not capable. He must be in a classroom, let’s say, in a smaller group. He can’t understand what a nation is. But we also need here to talk here about the support, and the big pressure that will come from the whole nation. What am I trying to say? If we want for this thing to exist, it must exist in as wide as possible dimensions. In a family it’s okay. But we are talking. I am already talking not about a small person but from the point of the psychologists that are treating with the environment and the society. It must be as large as possible, as wide as possible. The great knowings come as myths; just like about cigarettes, just about religions. So, a person can say I belong to this group, to religion, to vegetarians, to the gay, doesn’t matter to whom, but something that’s big. But there is a certain principle there. Therefore, we need here, anyhow, to strengthen the person in his family, where all they receive the justification that they are doing so. It’s good that they feel the environment that’s worthwhile for them, their small environment. But they also have to feel strengthening, the support from the wider society. And there we need to raise the matter of the smile, of the good attitude, not just from us earning a little bit. They even, just it was like with cigarette that they made from this, truly like the evil God, something like that. Meaning we have to change this to some myth, to some faith, some belief that smile is going to open all the doors to us, and repels all the evil doers and the demons. Do you understand what I am talking about? This is where religion comes. This is the matter that connecting to a big group or a big force, I must have an idea which is a little rational, and… but we’ll talk about it. Just in order not to forget.
Orit: You talked now about groups. You defined this group, that group, and, is it by us smiling to each other are we going to also succeed in getting over the previous perception that this is a group that I can’t stand, and this group that I am above, and this group that…
Dr. Laitman: It doesn’t matter, if I go with my line every person that goes with that line is for me close.
Orit: So, you are defining the gaol as a smile? And then actually you are melting all the things?
Dr. Laitman: Yeah, and we are connecting. Could be that with this we are going to differentiate that you are a vegetarian and I am not and there is something else; but according to this, that’s it. It depends on what we receive. But I am telling you, that here, we need to anyhow see if we want to succeed on a long way and with a big group, then I am certain we must constantly care that this thing needs widens and widens and widens and it receives more and more by more and more factors and they themselves, too, care that they will have common livelihood, just like with the cigarettes.
Oren: It seems to me that the time of our first discussion is ending. We’ll continue to develop all these things in our following discussions. Thank you, Dr. Laitman, thank you, Nitzah, thank you Orit . Thank you for being with us and we will continue with this series in our next meeting and we’ll be happy if you come. So long.