How Not to Hate My Son for Killing My Wife
The content is based on talks given by Dr. Michael Laitman and is written and edited by his students.

Sep 14, 2020

How Not to Hate My Son for Killing My Wife

Not long ago, I received a heart-wrenching letter that highlighted something we often have to deal with: guilt. Because guilt affects all of us, I felt it would help many people if I replied to the letter openly, without disclosing the identity of the sender.

 

Dear Michael Laitman,

My name is … and I live in Russia. I am an avid listener of your talks and never miss a show. I owe it all to my beloved wife, with whom I lived as one soul for twenty-eight years. We couldn’t have children, so we adopted a boy and raised him with great love, especially my wife. She loved him dearly.

When the coronavirus pandemic started, my wife and I were very careful. We worked from home, listened to your talks, and agreed with your every word. Our son, however, treated the virus like a challenge or an invitation. He would walk out and scoff at our concerns. He wouldn’t wear a mask. We couldn’t explain to him anything from your words; he simply wouldn’t listen. As a result, he got Covid and infected us, as well. I handled the virus quite easily but my wife didn’t; she passed away.

Since then, I haven’t been able to look at my son. I hate him. I understand that it’s impossible to bring my wife back, but I don’t want to live with this hatred for my son. Moreover, he, too, feels guilty; I am aware of it, but I can’t help it. I look at him, I turn my eyes away, and I can barely restrain myself from exploding on him. I have no love within me, none at all! Dear Michael, how do I bring my love back? What should I do? How do I forgive my son? I don’t know what to do. Please help me.

 

As distressing as this tragedy is, and perhaps because it is so, I hope this story will help us understand how nature works and that in truth, this heartbreak is no one’s fault. It is no one’s fault because just as the father cannot help but hate his son, his son could not help but be reckless. We don’t own our thoughts; they emerge in us from the same place where everything emerges. Call it “nature,” “reality,” “God,” or what have you, but we do not know what we will think one second from now, let alone what we will do.

I know this isn’t easy. I, too, have plenty of reasons for anger. But when you study the wisdom of Kabbalah, you come to see that everything has a purpose: to lead you to reveal life’s deepest, most fundamental force, the source of everything, the Creator of all things. And not only that, you find that its goal is to make us like it, exactly like it. When you discover that creative force, you realize that it is nothing but pure goodness. Its goal, therefore, is to make you, me, and all of humanity just as good as itself.

When you begin to become like the Creator, even if a little bit, you understand why things happen the way they do. Until you become like it, it is impossible to justify your son, or the Creator for your tragedy.

The Creator leads the world to goodness through two reins: pleasure and pain. However, its direction, as just said, is only one—to make you like it: a complete giver. The worst cataclysms in human history, unfolded as they did at the hands of that same, benevolent force, and for the purpose of making us benevolent, as well. And if they unfolded painfully, it is only a sign that we must increase our efforts to become like it, so it wouldn’t have to rush us through the rein of pain.

The coronavirus, too, comes from that same source, and its aim is the same: to make us good, loving, and giving. Right now, you probably cannot love your son. But when you connect to the Creator and begin to become like it, you will find within you such profound love for your son and for all of creation that you never knew existed. You will love him more than ever, and more than you thought possible.

Therefore, my friend, don’t look back and don’t waste energy or time on sulking over the past. It will only bring you more pain. Instead, look up, and go find the Creator in your life. Look for people like you, who want to know the Creator of life, the source of everything, and with them, you are certain to succeed.

Best of luck,

Michael

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