How Can We Turn a Wedding into a Truly Connecting Event?
How can we turn a wedding into a truly connecting event, one that warms the hearts of all the guests and gives the young couple the strength to build their relationship on a solid foundation?
"We invite you to a special event of connection." Something along those lines should already appear in the invitation. "We see our wedding as an opportunity to build a deep bond among all those who are dear to us, and we hope to create together a circle of connection that will support us all."
The goal is to create the feeling that we all belong to one family. Therefore, the central theme guiding the entire event should be "connection in a circle."
It is worth arranging the seating in the form of a large circle, so that everyone can see one another and feel as though they are sitting around a single table. Activities that bring people together should be encouraged: games that connect everyone, songs sung together, and friends who have been prepared in advance to invite guests into circle dances. Older people, younger people, children—everyone together. Everyone should share in the joy.
Anything that brings people closer to one another is worthwhile. Of course, it should be done in a way that suits the audience, i.e., simple and natural things that warm the heart and evoke feelings of connection, home, and family. What is certainly unnecessary are extravagant productions, grand displays, three wedding dresses, and the like. A wedding is not a performance.
The blessings and good wishes should focus on the connection between the bride and groom and on the connection between the new couple and society as a whole. The family is the basic unit of society, and we are all happy that a new couple is joining us. Every wedding represents a new breakthrough, the beginning of a new life for us all. The bond between the bride and groom matters to us, and the more successful they are, the more successful we all are.
Therefore, on this evening we want to draw closer together. Whether we know each other or not, we are one people whose foundation and future depend solely on unity. From this moment on, we all share the same mission: to be responsible for ensuring that this marriage is blessed, that the couple succeeds in becoming one, and that they establish a wonderful family that contributes its unique qualities to society as a whole.
With this intention, we strengthen our bonds, within every couple and among all of us as a community, and then accompany the bride and groom to the wedding canopy.
In Jewish weddings, the wedding canopy (Chuppah) symbolizes the union of the bride and groom. The single covering above them and the other elements of the ceremony symbolize the aspiration to unite. The breaking of the glass hints at that initially we do not possess a common vessel, because by nature we are each broken, egoistic, and connected only to ourselves. Yet we wish to grow. We wish to rise together above the limits of egoism and build a mutual bond of love.
Difficulties will certainly arise along the way, but we agree to cover everything with love, as it is written, "Love covers all transgressions" (Proverbs 10:12).
Under the wedding canopy, the verse "If I forget you, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget its skill" is recited to hint that the union of bride and groom symbolizes the unity of the nation. We seek to reconnect the people of Israel in the Land of Israel and make Jerusalem the capital of love.
This depends on our ability to build, between our hearts, a place for the revelation of the inner force of nature, whose qualities are benevolence, love, and giving. This is the meaning behind the saying: "When a man and a woman are worthy, the Divine Presence dwells between them."
The greatest blessing for a young couple is that they learn how to concede to one another. Two egoists are like oil and water, they naturally repel one another. Only when each is willing to give way a little for the sake of the other can they truly connect.
A family is built through mutual concession. Each person must learn to make room in their heart for the other. This is how they can gradually enter more deeply into one another's world, creating a common space in which they become united as one.
This process is quite complex though, as rising divorce rates clearly demonstrate. We are not taught what connection really is, what it means to concede, why it is necessary, or what can be gained from a healthy partnership. In addition, young couples often receive little support from society before or after the wedding.
One way or another, we will eventually realize that we have no choice but to learn how to positively connect with one another, in marriage, society, and throughout humanity. In an interconnected world, we are all in the same boat, and if we do not learn how to harmoniously connect, we risk sinking together.
From a broader perspective, a wedding is not merely an event where people arrive, place something in an envelope, offer a hug and a kiss, eat, drink, and head home. A wedding is a declaration. It is a commitment by society to support the young couple, and a commitment by the couple to become a healthy cell within a society that aspires to be like one family.
If we approach weddings in such a way, and if we build educational and social processes that broaden this understanding, then every wedding will become a renewal for us all, the birth of a new degree of connection: among ourselves and with the force of love that lies at the foundation of creation.
Based on “New Life 167 – Ceremonies - Weddings” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.