eng_t_rav_2013-12-20_program_haim-hadashim_n272

Dr. Michael Laitman

A New life

Talk # 272

December 20, 2013

Oren: Hello. Thank you for being with us here in New Life series of educational talks with Rav Dr. Michael Laitman. Hello Rav Laitman.

Dr. Laitman: Hello everyone.

Oren: Hello, Nitzah Mazos

Nitzah: Hello

Oren: So, here today we want to learn how to live better, and each time in these talks we take a certain aspect of our lives, our system of relationships, relationships in our life, and we try to understand and gain all kinds of insights about it and usually this is something that serves us in all fields of life. So, today in the studio we want to continue the series of talks in which we teach people how to be parents. We want to envision, let's try and envision we are here at the parents' course. So, Nitzah and I, for the sake of this talk, will represent all parents here in the studio and we want to learn how to be better parents. There are so many problems today with the whole issue of parenting and working in the family. So, we want to learn how to do it better. And inside this parenting course, we would like to focus, as we began to do it before, on a topic of sexual education. We have boys and girls. They develop, they grow. We want to give them right approach towards sexuality and this is the purpose of our talk today. Nitzah, won't you open the talk and we will proceed.

Nitzah: So, when we talked about educating about sex, sexuality, the best way we learn is to take a journey throughout history and to see how our approach as people, as human beings, has changed towards sexuality through different cultures and times when religions began. So, this is the way to understand how today we are still old even in our collective memory or perceptions, very contradicting perceptions, we have shame and embarrassment, lack of understanding about how we should truly deal in a right, healthy way to the whole matter of the sexual relationship, and how we should, of course, transmit this onwards to the younger generation. So, if we begin this historical overview, we will go as far back as possible, which is the time of the ancient world. This is the time in which the approach towards sex was very, very simplistic, it was very basic, very alike, perhaps to what happens in the animal kingdom, perhaps. And this was for the sake of procreation and the continuation of the generations. So, we see that this change of perception about a thousand years to the count in ancient Greek, Greece. There is a change in perception: sexuality receives a great center stage, there was a big focus on the body, the look, the beauty and aesthetics of the body and there are all kinds of ceremonies. And there was a very big openness: everything was allowed in ancient Greece. Everything was possible, everything was OK, any type of relationships, sexual relationships were allowed.

Dr. Laitman: But it was as resistance or opposition to the previous time. Because in the previous period of time, sex was used as a kind of subordination means, as the means of... just like in animals. Where if somebody was strong, he will be able to dominate and declare his dominance through sexuality: this is with females and with males. We know this. We can see this especially in lions very clearly. And so, the Greek culture was a kind of revolution in regards to the period that was before where everything was equal. Because in the previous time there was the use of sex as a kind of weapon, as a type of means of dominance. Here it was freedom.

Nitzah: So, after this attempt to control, now it is a kind of equality and openness towards everyone. So, also during that time we see that prostitution was very developed, that there was a hierarchy of prostitution in a higher level, at a medium level, lower level. So, the approach was very free, there was a lot of respect towards this, if you can say. It was not disrespected. It was open. There was nothing that would stop anyone from approaching it. And then we see that in a different area of the world, at the same time, which is the area of India during eight hundred years to the count to one thousand years to the count, a culture began to develop. They started to write books, to write literature that later became the Kamasutra. Where they started talking about falling in love, about the female and male aspects and coming together in these two aspects. And the approach towards sexuality was very interesting. One of the writers wrote that it was as a celestial union.

Dr. Laitmain: Because we are as animals in all our behaviors. The question is can we add something to ourselves that is more human. And in sexuality we are even more than human, we can be alike to something godly, because here we can give birth to life itself. We are like the Upper Force that creates life. And if we go into sexual act we can give birth to life and then there we are like the Creator. As so .. that's why there is something mystical around this issue and you can take it to a very high place and you can take to lower places. So, we should really see how in each and every period, every civilization, every culture took this matter and developed it, and covered it with all kinds of covers either in order to hide it away or, even the opposite, to make it more prominent. And this is also that in this act we will be alike to the Creator, because these two forces in creation: the positive and the negative forces that give birth to life in connection between them. We see protons, electrons, and atoms and from all of this is development of matter itself. We also have plus and minus as man and woman who give birth to shared life. And so, the sexual act, it's very comfortable, easy to make out of it a kind of place where you can worship god, because it is also a place where you give life.

Nitzah: So, I understood that you can look at the culture through the lenses of its attitude toward sex. Of course, and also through the times, different periods of time of this culture. Right, we see different cultures developing parallel to one another and so on. OK. So, you have talked about worshipping and there were all kinds of religious types of worships, for example, if people wanted to enhance fertility for the land to be more fertile, for the agriculture to be greater, there was a kind of ritual of men and women, or females or males and also there were priestesses of that religion who would make, have sex in order for the coupling to bring this fertility.

Dr. Laitman: Yes, as a result of that they thought they would give power to nature and life to the world, and out of that, say, have sex in the fields, so the field would have more power of life to it, fertility of itself. There are all kinds of such forms. We have an inclination to tie to the sexual act all kinds of Upper Forces.

Nitzah: So, humanity believed that this time that by having sex, they influence nature.

Dr. Laitman: Yes, of course.

Nitzah: So, is this true or this is a kind of...

Dr.Laitman: We all exist as combining of female and male parts, so, of course, in a correct combination between them, we create life both between ourselves, within our minds, our brains. We have analysis and synthesis of things, the combination of things and then falling apart of different particles and that's where matter comes from and development of matter, of mind, of emotion. All comes from bringing together of contradictions. So, therefore, also sex, it symbolises the foundation of connection between the opposite creatures. And they are already opposed throughout the entire creation, from their physical creation to their emotional and spiritual parts. So the correct connection between them, of course, can bring us to our spiritual ascent and this actually, as a topic that should be at the end of our development. After we have gone through everything, we have seen everything, we have learnt from older generations and nations, and so we need to learn and understand how to use sex in a right way as the means to attain the goal, the Upper goal of humanity. And here, we can say that right connection between the sexes can be as the foundation to the correct connection of all humanity, because we can build upon it the right approach towards others, because sex is something that happens naturally for us. It warms us a bit, it helps us come closer to one another and the connection between people is opposite: we have a repel from it, we have an inclination to distance ourselves from others and use it in an opposite way, so if we learn how we can come closer to one another on a sexual level at the right way this will also help us come closer to one another in general between people, between nations, between cultures in the right way.

Nitzah: OK. So, we will continue on our journey, on our historical journey and we are at the awakening of the Christian religion and this is parallel approach that sees sexuality as a sin, as original sin.

Dr. Laitman: Because sometimes the positive forces are stronger and sometimes the negative forces are stronger. So, let's say, during the ancient Greece, the positive approach to the sexuality was stronger and now it's a negative approach.

Nitzah: We are going from right to openness to prohibition, from prohibition to openness.

Dr. Laitman: That's right, we have four periods of plus and minus, plus and minus. First on the corporeal level, the simple level and then on an ideological level, religion and afterwards we have to finally determine the last correct form of the connection of the two forces, not that one would overcome the other, but the connection between the two.

Nitzah: Plus and minus. So, the idea of seeing sexuality as original sin, where does it come from? Christianity looks at the sexuality: Adam and Eve as original sin that because of it all the humanity are suffering to this day and from there this idea was taken, why? Because sin is seen as attached to lust.

Dr. Laitman: The sexual act itself is not lust. It's something that in our nature and when we see it in animals or on an inanimate level, we do not see it as a sin when the protons and the electrons combine, we do not see it as a sin. We do not see plants procreating... not procreating, but, you know, multiply themselves, we do not see that as a sin. The sin belongs only to man, because he uses sex as, in the way, that is not....it's his own initiative, it is not a natural act. There's the use of sex in the way that is distorted to all kinds of forms that are above the animal level. And, therefore, everything that is not part of the animal level, is above it, it's first of all, it appears in its incorrect forms and, well, first we do it in a natural way: we do this act, because nature compels us to, but then we do it because we ourselves want to enjoy. So, this enjoyment for our own sake, which comes not because nature compels us to do just like animals, we see in them how the force of nature acts in them and compels them and forces them to do what they do according to the periods of time of the year and seasons of the year. It's not like they feel doing it a month before, the time that it is unnecessary…. a month after, but this is specifically in that time that they need to procreate. So, with humans it's not this way, we use it in order to enjoy and we make a culture out of it, we make rituals out of it, a kind of worship out of it and we create a whole industry. By the way prostitution also exists in animal kingdom but it's in a completely different way.

Nitzah: Really?

Dr. Laitman: Yes, it's research about it. Not one, but there is a lot of research about it. So, what I want to say it's man uses sex, not just sex, but it's the same with especially in Christianity also prohibits enjoying food, overly enjoying food and other type of lusts.

Nitzah: The sin of...

Dr. Laitman: Of this desire, of passion: it's something very dominant.

Nitzah: Right, and there are a lot of prohibition about it. So, here we see for the first time, the idea of abstaining from doing things.

Dr. Laitman: Yes, but the abstaining is not from the act itself, but from using this act for enjoyment, because that is the matter of sin. And this also comes from the Torah, because what is the sin: that they use something for their own sake, they only call it copulation, because the copulation is connection, it's the will to enjoy and pleasure. The two forces that in connection between them are filled with satisfaction. So, if this satisfaction is for ones own sake, it's always at the cost of the other and, therefore, it is prohibited and it's called the sin.

Oren: Hold on. I did not understand the two forces. What did you say about two forces?

Dr. Laitman: I have plus and minus, and I connect between them, let's say, an oven. So, I can with this plus and minus heat food, heat the air and enjoy. If I do not have resistance between plus and minus, but I connect them in a way they shorten the electric circuit, then electricity does not flow.

Oren: I do not really understand electricity.

Dr. Laitman: Let's take any other thing. If we take two opposed forces in the connection between them, we can receive a positive result and a negative result. But it's clear that between them we can do some work because there's energy there: one has more, one has less; one is plus, one is minus. We have an energy: say, this is water that is higher up and this is lower and then if the water falls from a higher place, then it can make my windmill go round or give me electricity. It depends on how I use the plus and the minus: the positive force, let's say, we call the male force, because it's 'metgaber', the word man in Hebrew from the word 'overcome' and the other force, the female, is from the word 'nekev', the word 'lack', and then there is the combination between these two forces. The female needs to receive from the male, so if we combine them we can either use them for self enjoyment and it just closes up within ourselves or we can make of it a kind of benefit for someone outside as in a correct connection between us so this would be for the good of children we give birth to and for the good of humanity. This whole matter, that we see in the Torah, talks about how we use the force of connection between us, which is called the copulation, it's the force of connection. How do we use this force of connection in the positive way, in the constructive way? This is the act of creation that gives fruit. Sin is called... that you’ve not used supposedly... that Adam and Eve had not used supposedly the connection between them in a correct way: they were so into the pleasure that was felt within themselves, selfish pleasure. It's written that that in Eden happened twice: first from the tree of Knowledge and then they discovered a very great pleasure in the connection between them and the second time they already continued and enjoyed this pleasure as it is written 'I ate and I shall eat some more'. And that is actually the sin. Because for the first time when I still do not know what I am about to discover: it's not a sin, but if I discover that this is a very great pleasure, but I would have used that, let's say - I do not know how to explain it right now - for the sake of society, for the sake of the world, not for the sake of myself, then this pleasure would have been allowed for my use. But the sin is when you use this pleasure for ourselves, for own sake. And so, in the whole religious matter, this connection between man and woman, just like in whole of our culture is very complex and of high quality, but it's foundation. The question is how we correctly use connection between us and this is the question. Can we use the connection between us, that is natural, where we are truly constantly attracted to it, no matter what culture you come from or even historical period of time. How can we use this connection between us for the sake of building the correct society and education, and good relationships within the family, educating the children properly towards sexuality. How are we able to open this up and to teach ourselves and the younger generation pointedly? How to use this powerful instinct in the way that will truly change the world for the better?

Nitzah: This is a very interesting question that we want to develop: how do we take these two forces? How do we use this connection correctly for the sake of connection and positive building in that something negative?

Dr. Laitman: Actually, in truth, there's nothing else, but this, because...

Oren: Except for what?

Dr. Laitman: Except for sex. Except for connection between people, I am not even talking about a man and a woman, in general between people, between human beings. Because we also see it today in our society, in our human society and also this existed all throughout history that there were times in which it was concealed, we used to hide it away: that the sexual act is not just a physiological thing that happens between a man and a woman, it is just something that happens between two people. We also see it with homosexuals and lesbian couples, all these connections and, in general, in human society you will see one that is greater than another, why we cannot call this also a connection between the sexes where one is greater and one is smaller, one is a plus and another is a minus.

Nitzah: What do you mean that one is greater than another?

Dr. Laitman: Even two men: one is stronger than the other. Then the other one is the female, because he is weaker. That's what we call it, and etc. We see also in nature in the animal species, in the vegetative level, you can see that they can change their sex, and that each one can accept the other sex according to the need, if there is a need to procreate and continue life: you can just switch the sex in plants and animals. They switch their sex. So, connection is much a wider thing that we see today of man and woman having sex, it's much wider than that: here we see that all the connection that happens between the parts of the world is completely based on it and Upper Force and the bottom force; the lower force.

Nitzah: Why is it dominant force or the stronger force? Why is it that the male force and the weaker bottom force is considered the female force?

Dr. Laitman: Because that's the way it is in nature. Why is the female called 'Nekeva'? 'Nekeva' from the word 'Nekev', of vacancy, something that is missing. And if we are talking about human nature, if a person is weak, he is called as a female, but if he is strengthen and he is able to overcome and to bestow, he is called male from the word 'to overcome'. So, it is not that he is born this way, but it's in accordance with work he does with himself. So, to be a male or female here and we see this in the sexes that are switching, we see this in our times, we will see it increasing. This belongs to a person's approach to connection and relationships with others. In what way does one presents himself: if he bestows to everyone, then he is called male, a man; if he must receive from everyone, he is called the female. What is the future that I will both bestow to everyone and receive from everyone.

Oren: What is bestow?

Dr. Laitman: Bestow is to fill everyone according to their desire. And also I will need to receive from everyone because I have nothing to give. And then it turns out that we are all as a magnet. It has two poles: minus and plus: on one hand I must receive from everyone, on the other hand, I bestow to everyone. And this is for both men and women.

Nitzah: So, then beyond this external physical developing look that I was born as a woman or a man, I have plus or minus inside me; female and male part. If I am giving I am actually as a man and if I take, if I am receiving, I am actually a woman. So, these aspects of male and female are also within me.

Dr. Laitman: We see that it is this way all the time. We are always playing this way. We see how women are in control.

Nitzah: Why is that to receive is considered weaker and lowly?

Dr. Laitman: No, no. If we know how to receive correctly in order to give to other, then it is not inferior at all. It is not.

Nitzah: So, what does it mean to receive correctly?

Dr. Laitman: What does it mean to receive correctly? That I am also connecting to others in order to give what I receive and I become a kind of channel or pipe that connects everybody. Everybody can receive through me and then, on one hand, I am opened to everybody to receive, and, on the other hand, I am opened to everybody in order to bestow to them: and this is how each and everyone should be. And this feeling of abundance, the correct relationships and connection is something that passes between all of us and then we all find ourselves in the state that is supposedly neutral: everybody is connected to everyone and we are all in this infinite connection that is unending.

Nitzah: So, I can use this sexual act as a kind of practice to what I can learn this?

Dr. Laitman: OK, now it is a question: Why are we given in our life this sexual act with great attraction to it and inclination towards it with the culture around it. All the culture finally was created around this: painting and music, everything that we have, everything we do, we do as a wrapping of this act of copulation of connection. When I say copulation I mean connection.

Nitzah: I did not quite understand.

Dr. Laitman: All of human developments is in order to reach connection, the correct connection between us. So, that we will be one integral system and just like nature, and for us to bring ourselves to the state where we each find ourselves both as receiving and giving. And therefore, from the animal level when we began to develop to the human level, all our development is in how do we treat sex. Food and sex. That will be issue here. So, food is the most basic thing: without it, we cannot live. That's clear. But, the continuance of life, that's already the level of sex. So, how do we relate, how we organize sex, so it would be in correct connections between us on the human level, not on the animal level. Because what we actually see from nature: if we remained on the animal level, we would not have a problem with sexuality. Once we began to develop as human beings, all of our development was... because we are in this malfunctioning of the connection between us and it's also on the sexual level: both females and males, it does not matter what way, it's the problem is with sex. So, then we developed in each and every period of history, because we wanted to make the maximum of usage of our impulses, of our malfunctions, until we reach our state as of now, and the question is now: how can we use this foundation of our need for sex in the way that it can correct our entire society, our entire life. It can help us out of the crisis, of the multi-faceted crisis we are seeing. This is upon the condition we will begin to understand how to organize the relationships between us. And here, we will see yet in the near future, how much people will deal with the sex in a way where they would not even find much pleasure in it. They will have a kind of test, a discernment of the problematic approach towards it, so... what do I want to say, help me express it. They will feel and understand, they will see that without the emotional component that they can add to sex, but in a correct mutual way, they will not be able to build the correct form, let's say, a family unit. Otherwise, the family would not exist: it's not worth while for me to connect to a woman and to be connected to her in a family if I do not receive from her satisfaction, that I cannot receive in sex, I need something beyond that. That together, with the sexual relationship, I will also reach a more internal, spiritual relationship with her. Otherwise, it's not a problem: you have as much as you want, in any way you want it for each and everyone. But the yearing, the hunger will come from the lack of connection between people and, first of all, it will be hunger for something else, because aside from food, we will see that sex will actually bring us to the lack of fulfilment and desperation, because if we have talked about how our entire culture and life are founded on sex: finally if you see it on electrons or different species of nature; everything we look at; everything that we check, we can see opposing pieces that are connecting. It's not that I... when I look outside me, it's not like, I am just looking at a woman or a man. Look at the trees, at the sky, or anything. I see things that are opposite to me.

Oren: What do you mean?

Dr. Laitman: I do not know how to explain it.

Oren: You as a man or as a woman?

Dr. Laitman: It does not matter, as a person, as a human being. When I identify something: this is called that I see things that I enjoy or the opposite, may be I am scared of them, I repel from them.

Oren: Can you give an example?

Dr. Laitman: Anything, when I see colour, light, sun, darkness, people, animals, no matter what: I identify them, because I identify them in my will to enjoy, which is my matter.

Oren: When I see a beautiful woman as a man?

Dr. Laitman: It does not matter: a beautiful woman or a man, or a child. I see them all only as something that fulfils my will to enjoy, will to receive. Otherwise, I would not even recognize them as existing.

Oren: But they do not fill up my will yet, I only fantasize about it. Say, I see a beautiful woman, say, I see a beautiful woman.

Dr. Laitman: Yes, but I try to tell you that it is not just a beautiful woman: our entire life is built this way. Our entire life is built upon us identifying things in accordance to whether they give us pleasure or suffering and nothing is in the middle.

Oren: Even potentially, even if it does not... even if it is also the potential for it to bring me something good or bad?

Dr. Laitman: It is even before the potential you identify something. Even if I just identify something as there, as existing, only because I enjoy it or am repelled by it: either attracted to it or be repelled from it. Otherwise, I would not recognise that this thing is even in my sight, in my field of vision. It would not exist for me, because I identify it in my will to receive and in my will to receive I draw this thing, I illustrate it, I project it. So, you are saying, I am looking at the beautiful woman. What does it mean that she is beautiful? She fills my will to receive, to enjoy. How does she fulfil that? Because I am looking at her. All the senses, sight, hearing, smell, tasting: all our five senses can be filled by that to some extent. So, I enjoy it or the opposite. All right, I do not want to enjoy it, because I want a higher pleasure. I do not want to fill myself with this pleasure of looking at the beautiful woman. I think of higher things. So, also higher things, they are just like a beautiful woman, but just a few times more enjoyable to me. But, it is still called the sexual pleasure. Because I am still at minus, I am still at lack that wants to enjoy. Now this beautiful woman, is she a man or a woman towards me?

Oren: She is totally a woman.

Dr. Laitman: No, she is a man, because she brings me pleasure and I want her. I am the one who has the lack, that deficiency. I am as a woman towards her, as female, as lack, as deficiency.

Oren: I lost you. OK, when there is a beautiful woman, as I understand, I look at her, all my senses are active, I already enjoy just from looking at her, I already have these fantasies in my head.

Dr. Laitman: From her, I am telling you, you are looking at her as a woman looking at something and she is as a man towards you, because she is whole more than you, because you are the one who has a deficiency and wants to fulfil yourself with something. So, you are the nukva, you are the female, you are the deficiency, nekev. That's the word, it means deficiency, that is the female and she is towards you as a source of pleasure, she is as a male in a sense of overcoming.

Oren: This is interesting. So, I need her.

Dr. Laitman: Yes, that's right. You are willing to walk on all fours to come to her. So, are you a man?

Oren: OK, I understand, it's dynamic. The question is who needs who and the one who needs the other is the female. Yes? OK, so, what I am curious about is that, you said, today the lack of fulfilment from sex puts people in desperation, so what fulfilment are we seeking in sex that does not exist today and brings us to the state of desperation. What does not exist today in our sexual connections between people, between couples, no matter whom. It does not fill us up enough and, therefore, leaves us desperate. What is missing?

Dr. Laitman: Today we are descending into desperation of all our life. We have talked about how our entire life is founded upon sex, so, therefore, we cannot enjoy it. We are not able to do it. Why? Because we do not know how to enjoy the connection between us, so that all types of connections between us so that all types of connection between us are called sex.

Oren: Why do we not know how to enjoy it? It is the most basic thing. You said, we used to be just like animals in the way we had sex and why is it today, at the end of our evolution, we are enlightened human beings and we cannot even enjoy the most basic thing. It's like a contradiction.

Dr. Laitman: No, because suddenly you discover according to your development that sex itself does not fulfil you.

Oren: In what does it not fulfil me?

Dr. Laitman: You are not aware of it yet. So, I will give you a secret. I will tell you a secret. You will be able to enjoy it, may be, a billion times more than you are enjoying it right now. If you reach connection, not only physiological: only the physical connection like male or female, like with animals, with all the additions that you invent around it in a way, I do not know what, fantasies you create for all these different means to enjoy sex. If you reach connection, that is not only physiological, not all kinds of medicines, all kinds of technologies. If you reach the internal connection between you before the copulation, at the time or after, but the connection on a higher level. And all in all the physiological connection is only giving you the basis for this more internal, emotional connection. So that they would be as one, in one heart, in this one special feeling in completion of souls. I do not really know how to explain it further, I do not think it's possible to transfer it from one to another, but it has to be completions of the souls. By that you will begin to receive pleasures on a level that is, say, a billion times more, I say it without exaggeration: billions times greater.

Oren: What do I need to do in order to feel this?

Dr. Laitman: You need to be connected to your partner in action, in the physical act, also as a partner in internal acts. What does this mean? This is the true copulation: the high connection that we need to reach, because... and, therefore, the entire crisis we are experiencing today is in order to push us to search for such a connection.

Oren: I did not understand, what is this additional connection.

Dr. Laitman: It's connection at a higher level from an animal level. Right now we are developing the animal level.

Oren: Animal level, do you mean the actual sexual act? It's just like animals.

Dr. Laitman: That's right, just like animals. But, we have made around it a whole culture, all kinds of means and movies and what not?

Oren: So, this also... you include this also on an animal level, just like more sophisticated animals?

Dr. Laitman: Yes, even romantic novels, all kinds of creations, artistic creations you have made over thousands of years were to beautify this physical act of female and male; that two males copulating and no more than that. No more. It's the same level. You can talk about all the beautiful masterpieces of humanity.

Nitzah: So, if I understand correctly, this whole timeline of history that we touched upon in humanity, it had a kind of prohibited/allowed; prohibited/allowed. And it's just as we reached the end, but the power of enjoyment is remained the same.

Dr. Laitman: Finally, as much as we tried to enhance our enjoyment using all kinds of means: chemistry and movies, and preparations for it and all kinds of operations that people do these days - we are not able to jump to that level to which we truly have our desire, our lack, its a lack, as a desire for this connection, this internal connection between us, where the orgasm will be at least a billion times greater in power in what we can feel. Even if you gather all the pleasures from all of your life into one place.

Oren: OK, so to reach this orgasm that is as a billion times greater, I need to add to the connection that I know today to the sexual connection something more on a higher level. So, what is this extra connection that I need to add to my relationships with my partner?

Dr. Laitman: This is something we need to reach through connection. This is exactly called Integral Education.

Oren: Yes, but what is this connection itself? If I add it to having the orgasm, how is it a billion times greater?

Dr. Laitman: We discover how much we need one another in order to reach this high place.

Oren: I need her?

Dr. Laitman: Yes, let's say, yes, if we are talking about the family then yes.

Oren: So, this awareness that I need her in order to reach this orgasm that's a billion times more, is this the prior condition?

Dr. Laitman: Yes, of course. Because you chose her not according to her weight or her bodily looks, but by according to the ability that you have to connect you internally.

Oren: What do you mean the internal connection? If I add to my connection with her today, that today I know how to have connection with her on certain level. I want to add internal connection.

Dr. Laitman: Until now, how have you been choosing your partner for the physical copulation, according to her external looks?

Oren: Or her character or, maybe, how we can get along. It's the whole package.

Dr. Laitman: But that's just for building a family, but I am talking about the sexual contact.

Oren: Yes, especially according to what she looks like.

Dr. Laitman: That's right. So, here you are going to work in a simple way. It's just like we need to eat in order to fulfil our life purpose. Here, we need to choose a woman that does not repel us and that is enough in order to fulfil together with her the purpose of our life.

Oren: You are talking about choosing a partner? But I already have one.

Dr. Laitman: No, no. We are not understanding one another. I am saying, it does not matter, if you have a partner or does not. I am not talking about you. I am talking about a person who wants to build the correct relationship, spiritual relationship and in order to reach his relationship to the spiritual top, he also needs a corporal connection. What is spiritual connection?

Oren: On a level that is higher than an animal level. Is that internal act that you are talking about?

Dr. Laitman: Yes, because it is already in spirit, it does not exist on a physical level. We are.... the physical act is something we will do anyway and how much we can enjoy, we will enjoy. You want to add to it another story, another level and for that I do not need a beautiful woman, but only one that does not repel me and that I am not repulsed by. Just listen to me patiently: I need to find a woman that I am not repulsed by and that's enough, that physically I am not repelled. That is called the necessity. And the rest I build with her in an internal, spiritual way that we connect to one another in order to reach the internal connection. And for this sake, we have this connection. And we begin to develop it in our mutual connection by each and every one of us, each one of us is making concessions and wanting to fill the other, and wanting to connect to the other, and more and more according to the entire method we have talked about, that it happens between a man and a woman, between two friends, between two partners, just like within a group. And then together with my partner, with my girlfriend or wife, I can reach the level of spiritual connection, that is called zivug, copulation, this is also called copulation at the spiritual level, because there are two opposed parts and they reach connection between them through mutual concessions for the sake of connecting on this higher level. And then they begin to fill in this connection a kind of special revelation between them, because they made these concessions, we have talked about plus and minus and resistance between them. So, by each person annulling himself or conceding, then they are able to connect above the resistance and by that they will discover the pleasure from spiritual sex on the human level, on the level of Adam. And this is also what the Torah spoke about: that this is already the correction of the sin. And that's it. And this is what we need to reach. So, if you try and see the crisis from here, you will see that all the problems that we have are all aiming us towards this. And you will see all kinds of the distortions with sex and problems when people do not know how to connect any more, they will not be able to see one another, because you seek something, but they will not see it, they will not know where it is. Even today, a hundred or thousand years ago did we seek any pleasures except for food, sex or family, or money and knowledge? No. Today even in the most basic things, we cannot find pleasure. If you open TV, you will see food and sex, and that's it. Because from the family level in terms of upwards it's only raised and even there we see that pleasure is going to end, disappearing and that's why it is filling up all our screens, otherwise what we have left.

Nitzah: You talked about phenomenon when people are loosing enjoyment from the most basic things such as sex, they are not able to enjoy sex.

Dr. Laitman: Our desire is much greater than we can get from sex and so we are adding all kinds of additives and props to it.

Nitzah: And so we are seeing that, as a phenomenon, what characterizes this period is that depression, desperation influences the sexual drive. So, many people completely lose their drive, many people are concerned about it. Now you explained it and I suddenly understood, it is also a great understanding that a person should have as a part of a loss of the drive for sex. It's the most basic drive, also comes from reaching a level that he has actually finished the previous period that he cannot enjoy sexuality in the way that was accepted until now. It's inviting him to develop onwards.

Dr. Laitman: Humanity still does not understand what it lacks, what it is missing. And the Integral Education, when we talk about sex and also in general, this is that we need to begin to explain, because any other type of education depend on that.

Nitzah: What is it called? The principal instinct?

Dr. Laitman: The basic instinct. This is the basic instinct.

Nitzah: It is also very interesting. I noticed that people who lose their sexual drive, usually they lose their will to live. There's very close link between a feeling of liveliness and the sex drive.

Dr. Laitman: It's a kind of energy that is one. The moment a person is not attracted to it any more, he loses his will to live gradually.

Oren: We have just a minute left. What did you mean we can enjoy spiritual sex. What is this pleasure from spiritual sex? How can we have spiritual sex?

Dr. Laitman: I will tell you. I am not familiar with all of my passions. I know that I want to enjoy and I constantly feel that I am not enjoying. It's not enough. Even when I enjoy food, something great, but it's just for a moment, maybe for thirty minutes or every five minutes until I fill up my initial hunger. It's the same with sex. One second and it's all over. Immediately after this one second you already think of something else. Right? For men, especially, it ends within that moment. But still, what do I want to say: I want to enjoy. Right? Very? Very. So, I want to enjoy all types of enjoyments that I can, that can be stirred within me and I want all my passions to be working at once. But together with that I want to fill all my needs for desires, for joy at the same time to the highest level, because, otherwise, I see that I am empty. I am left empty. I have all kinds of passions and desires that I even do not know what they are and how to enjoy them: food, sex, family, money, honour, knowledge. And then what? I want for all of them to be alive in me and to always be fulfilled forever. And that is called spiritual copulation. Not bad.

Oren: Do we have any homework? Maybe small practice for homework. I want that orgasm that ten times billion more, maybe orgasm that is ten times better. What shall I think about?

Dr. Laitman: Your homework is to think what kind of man you need to be and what kind of woman that she needs to be, your partner in order to attain this higher copulation.

Oren: Our time is up. Thank you very much Rav Laitman, thank you Nitzah, thank you our viewers for being with us. Pleasures in New Life. All the best and goodbye.

(End of the conversation)