A Talk About the Spiritual Advancement of Women

By Rav Michael Laitman, PhD

December 11, 2007, Tel Aviv, Israel

Question: Our talk is devoted to the spiritual work of women and their connection to inner work. Is there a difference between a woman’s inner work and a man’s, and are there special articles that properly direct women?

There is a great difference between the inner work of a man and that of a woman because we are completely different on the inside. In spite of the fact that we are all called people, a man and a woman differ from the point of view of physiology, their personalities, and everything that has to do with our life in this world. We have not yet even revealed how different we are in every regard on the physical level, the level of nature of this world. When we discover human remains that are one hundred thousand years old, we can immediately determine whether they belonged to a man or a woman by the bone structure. This manifests in every organ of the human body, in its still, vegetative, and animal parts, in our inner world (which pertains to the human or “speaking” level), our psychology, our perceptions—we are completely different.

If we talk to psychologists, we will understand that even on the level that we have revealed human nature, the perception of men and women, their attitude to reality and to life are two different worlds. Therefore, we should know that if we wish to develop properly, in order to build a happy society in the country and in the world, we need to thoroughly learn the nature of a human being, the nature of men and women, and to realize how we can connect them in order to create harmony. Obviously, we cannot do this by erasing natural differences; on the contrary, we need to supplement each another.

When we study the science of Kabbalah (and right now we are not talking about development in this world: choosing a career, the home, and so on; we are talking about genuine spiritual development), we immediately come across a great difference that is implanted in the soul. The souls of a man and a woman are completely different, and consequently, the correction of the soul, which Kabbalah engages in, is also different. Of course, the size and the level of attainment are the same; no one has any advantage over the other. We are speaking of two creatures, which need to supplement creation by uniting with each other, and through harmony between them, a spiritual world is born—as it is written, “a husband and a wife—Shechina is between them.” The spiritual world is not revealed by the men or the women—it is only revealed through unification between them.

Question: How is the inner work of men different from the inner work of women?

The difference is fundamental, since the souls are different. Every soul, the male as well as the female, requires correction. Accordingly, work is constructed, and this work includes aspiration, effort, an order of instruction and participation in the group. Just like in our world, a man is the more active element. In accordance with nature, a man leaves the house to hunt in order to obtain livelihood and bring it home to his wife and children. Today the same thing happens when a man goes to work. Meanwhile, a woman is the home, the children, and the household duties.

In the spiritual, it is the same way. A woman creates an environment for the man, where he studies and advances. She rouses a passion for revelation and attainment of the spiritual world in him. In turn, the man feels this need that is induced in him by the woman, sets out to find the spiritual, and brings the woman what he attains.

We learn this through the example of “standing by Mount Sinai.” Only Moshe ascended onto Mount Sinai—he was the spiritual representative of the whole nation. But there were 600,000 men from 20 to 60 years old standing around the mountain, and they were surrounded by about three million women, children, and old men. The material manifestation of this state shows us what its spiritual order should be like. Women and children represent concern for the future generation. A woman that is close to a man, gives him desire and support, and a man attains the spiritual, brings his attainments to the woman, and what he attains belongs to both of them. This is what happens in a family when a man goes out to make money, brings his earnings home, and with that he sustains the family.

Question: We know that the work of men has to do with the group, the books, and it occurs under the guidance of a teacher. What out of all this pertains to women?

The studies pertain to men in a greater extent than to women. This is especially true of The Study of Ten Sefirot, which women are excused from. A man must work in the group and achieve love for his friends, and a woman is excused from this as well. A man has the ability to “come out from himself” and to love his friends, the neighbor, while a woman is built in such a way that she can only belong to the man with whom she is connected. Such is our material and spiritual nature. This difference is observed throughout our entire path of correction.

Women unite to support the men. They take care of the children, giving them a Kabbalistic upbringing as Kabbalists advise us. And men can also partake in raising the children. The main task of women is in helping men: preparing materials for teaching and for dissemination, etc. We can say that a greater portion of the wor k in preparation, dissemination, advertisement, and everything we do, is carried out by women. We value this greatly, and without the participation of women the science of Kabbalah could not be disseminated in the world. In general, the dissemination of the science of Kabbalah is the women’s part—after all, a birth of additional circles occurs in this process, and they join the spiritual.

We can say that studying and work in the group is imposed on men to a greater extent and processing and preparing materials for dissemination is imposed on women.

Question: What are the criteria for spiritual advancement of women?

In the process of women’s, as well as men’s spiritual advancement there exists a measure of qualitative and quantitative efforts. Quantitative efforts are measured through the respective number of hours that the person can devote to spiritual tasks out of one’s free time. The quality depends on what the person thinks of in the time that he gives quantitative effort. A person is where his intentions and thoughts are. Does he really give all that he has in order to reach the spiritual? This criterion is the same for men and for women. In other words, if we are talking about the inner world, a woman must possess the same desire for the spiritual as the man, but externally, through action, it manifests somewhat differently.

Question: If women do not need to reach a property of love for the neighbor, why does the process of realization of evil exist for them also? What do we need to do with the revelation of evil in us?

You need to correct it just like men. In our history, there were the foremothers Sarah, Rivka, Rachel, and Leah, and prophetesses such as Hulda and Dvorah. These women had very high spiritual attainments, much greater than many men in previous generations. Women have the same part in the spiritual as men; right now, we are only talking about the difference in the method. If a woman develops according to the right method, she achieves the same levels as a man, and the fact that our foremothers and prophetesses reached a high spiritual level is evidence of this. The expression “all will know me, the small and the great alike” pertains to all of humanity, and since women make up half of humanity, it is certainly said of them also.

Question: How does the spiritual advancement of a woman depend on a man and vice versa?

A man needs the desire for spiritual advancement that a woman must give him. She must support and encourage him, and give him strength. She should expect that he will attain the spiritual. Due to this, equipped with strength and armor, a man sets out for spiritual attainments the same way that formerly, he left his cave to hunt and bring food home.

This is a very important part, through which a woman supplements the work of a man, and without it a man cannot reach the spiritual. Women are able to do this work wonderfully. If we talk to psychologists, we see that everything a man does in the world, he does in order to be liked by women. Pride, strength, power, and the desire to rise above others, are to a great extent roused by a man’s need to appear a man in the eyes of a woman. This is a reflection of a spiritual state, which, of course, is not connected to our egoism, but the attitude itself remains.

In other words, an unsatisfied desire that emanates from a woman, reaches a man, and the man uses this desire in order to reach the spiritual. We can say that a woman wakes the desire in a man, and the man turns this desire to the Upper Force, acquires spiritual advancement for himself, and shares it with the woman.

Question: Does this mean that they cannot exist without each other?

No, they cannot. This is why everything is created precisely this way. Why did Adam Ha Rishon separate into two parts? Being “the Creator’s handiwork,” Adam could not achieve more than what he had. Only when he separated into two parts, a third, fourth, and so on could be born from the two. Hence the commandment “Be fruitful and multiply” was executed, and in the spiritual it means attaining spiritual steps, attaining a big and bright world, which is only possible by dividing into two parts and then coming together and uniting.

Question: If the work in achieving a mutual guarantee and love for the friends does not pertain to women, why should I read articles on this subject? Can it confuse me?

No, a woman should know that this portion of work pertains to men, and in spite of the fact that she does not actively participate in it, her participation consists in stimulating men to do this work. Therefore, it pays for her to know it as well. A woman does not take part in this work practically, but she should study and understand it. If a woman will know what men must do, she will be better able to assist them.

Thirty-five years ago, when I was young and began to study with Rabash, I gave lectures in Tel Aviv and brought many students. We organized groups and Rabash said that groups should be formed for the wives as well. The wives of these students gathered, read articles, and listened to lessons that were given by Rabash’s daughters. This continued for several years. Rabash was very concerned that the women should read, listen, know, and support the men.

I can say from my own experience that I received great support from my wife and am very thankful to her for that. In our life, there are situations when we are not situated on high spiritual levels, but rather on regular material levels, and a woman can be of great influence on both the spiritual and the material levels.

Question: What kind of a connection should women create in the world Kli and in their group?

Women should gather and create a big, strong organization. They should discuss amongst themselves how to build a proper relationship with the men—each woman individually and the whole women’s group in relation to the men’s group. Women should understand what the men do and how to give them a greater desire directed at reaching the goal that they pursue. Therefore, there exists a women’s group that constantly expands and becomes worthy of ascending, which is also one of my concerns. The whole world group, as well as each group individually, consists of an inner men’s group and a women’s groups that surrounds it and one cannot exist without the other.

Moreover, when I look at a group (and we find that we have approximately two million students and accordingly, quite a few groups), I evaluate the group according to its female part. A strong, organized, and close-knit women’s group is a guarantee that the inner men’s group will continue to exist, become stronger, expand, develop, and ascend spiritually. This is because women, with their desire, organization, pressure, and concern about the fact that they can only reach the spiritual through the men, will ensure that the men advance. Therefore, before all else, I look at the female part of the group, and if the female part is adequately organized, significant and strong, we can say that the men are provided for.

We notice the same thing in the family. In Judaism and in the Torah, the woman is the home. She equips, supports, and preserves; she is the foundation of this construction called a home. A home is the Kli for the perception and revelation of the spiritual; therefore, the group, which is the home, is mostly organized by women. The men are the connecting link between the home and the Upper Force, which in itself is a huge mission.

Question: What should a woman do at home? Should she ask the husband what he studied that day and how he is advancing, or should she simply organize and maintain the household?

Rabash said that a man should study with his wife for approximately 15-20 minutes a day and try to tell her in a few words what he studied. If he has no opportunity to do this, he should set aside half an hour for her on Saturday or on another free day that he has. In any case, he should study with her.

Also, we organized women’s groups, and our women study our materials. Most of them listen to our daily lessons; only we do it in the early hours of the day, and they do it throughout the day. They don’t study “The Study of Ten Sefirot” and other parts that they don’t need for the correction of their souls, but everything that has to do with the development of the soul and a person’s inner work, is just as necessary for women as it is for men.

Question: Does the Upper Light influence a woman when she reads Kabbalistic articles?

Of course, after all a woman also has the need for spiritual fulfillment, only it is expressed by way of fulfillment of this need in men. A man cannot individually reach the spiritual world because today we reveal these needs differently than in previous generations, when there were chosen, distinguished individuals who reached attainment. There were women as well as men among them, but of course, men made up the majority.

At the present time, when such a desire for the spiritual, called “the point in the heart” is being revealed in men as well as women, we have no other choice; we are obligated to provide spiritual fulfillment for everyone. Lately this situation has more or less balanced out. Today, the quantitative correlation between the male and the female parts in the inner structure of our world group is the same as that of the world. Women make up 55-60 percent of the world Kli, and men make up 40-45 percent.

In the past, the situation was completely different. Women made up 70 percent of the world group, and men made up 30 percent. This means that to the extent that the world group grows, beginning from 100 or 200 people and reaching a million or, possibly, two million people, the quantitative correlation between its male and female parts balances out.

However, there are certainly some groups where there are still much more women than there are men. This happens for several reasons. First of all, a material factor is undoubtedly present here: a woman in our world experiences a greater lack of fulfillment than a man does.

A man receives fulfillment from sports competitions, alcohol, or some flings on the side. Like a little child, he is occupied by a thousand different things, and he also has professional interests. Therefore, he finds many temptations and runs away from spiritual work, even if he feels the need for it.

However, a woman initially feels a lack of satisfaction in this world. A woman does not receive what she expects from a man and her children also don’t fulfill her expectations. Currently we notice a crisis in the education system, in how people connect with each other, and in the family. There are a growing number of divorces: every other couple ends their marriage, and so on.

Today, women are in a state of great disappointment in our world, and naturally, they also come to study Kabbalah because they lack material fulfillment. But after some time passes, we see that they stay because of a lack of spiritual fulfillment, which is really subsistent in them, and they advance wonderfully.

This is why we have no need to determine specific deficiencies that one should have. When men as well as women come to us and say, “I have no purpose in life, and I don’t know how to fill myself,” we think that it is an obvious desire of a person who demands fulfillment from above.

It seems possible that the material factor affects a woman more than it does a man. But if a man comes to us and says that he is looking for the meaning of life, this means that he wants to be tested. Meanwhile, a woman can possibly be satisfied by material possessions: a family, a home, and children. And if she were to receive as much emotional warmth as she needs in accordance with her properties, she would be satisfied.

Question: Does this mean that women who come to study Kabbalah have a clearer and more genuine desire?

Yes, and even if they don’t have it, they clarify and experience a greater pull toward studying Kabbalah. Today women have a specific and primary part in the work of developing Kabbalah.

Question: Women’s role is defined as support of the male part of the group. Women are the source of the need for the spiritual. Can men serve as an example for women in the studies and a model for imitating such properties as feeling the neighbor, caring for him, bestowal, and love for a child?

No, that is something completely different. A man cannot be an example for a woman in these things. A woman does not have any connection to what is revealed between a human and his friend, a human and his neighbor. Such work only pertains to the male part of the universe, and women completely lack the rudiments for development in that direction—it is not a woman’s job at all. As it is said in the Torah, a woman is born or created from a part of a man to whom she belongs, since she can become worthy of being in the spiritual world only through him, by completing him with her part.

A man is also incapable of attaining the spiritual world without the woman, but she can rise spiritually only by supplementing what he lacks. Therefore, a man comes into the spiritual world and unites with the Creator, while a woman must return to her place, so to speak, to tune into the men.

However, we must understand that a woman is a part, without which a man cannot advance spiritually. She is Malchut, she is the holy Shechina, which means that ultimately, she is a large Kli, which the Light is received in and then the entire spiritual world is revealed. Hence there exists a harmony, which is really built on mutual and genuine connection.

Question: We have a question about choosing a spouse. You explained that the greater the difference between the men in the group, the greater is the size of the Kli. Then why do you advise us to choose a spouse according to the degree of similarity? It is said, “A man and a woman—Shechina is between them.” Isn’t the unification into a couple, which occurs between a man and a woman, a formation of a Kli, and this Kli should be as large as possible?

Naturally, we should choose a partner based on closeness in world views. We learn this from life itself, rather than from Kabbalah. The professions of a man and a woman are irrelevant. They should be similar in their philosophies on life, their attitudes to life, and their mentalities. These two parts: a man and a woman should be similar. They should supplement each other. If there is not mutual understanding between them, they will be unable to do this.

Although today, in this society that we artificially created, there are people who live together but have difficulty understanding each other; they belong to different cultures and are from different places.

However, if a woman does not understand why a man studies Kabbalah and the purpose of his spiritual work, her life will be just miserable. She must love his studies, support him, and help him. It is very evident when a man’s wife is not with him together in the spiritual search, spiritual elevation.

Therefore, when people ask my advice in choosing a partner, my primary concern is whether they both have the same attitude toward the spiritual because this is the only way it can work.

Question: We received a question concerning women’s intention. When a woman does dissemination or reads, should her appeal be directed at the Creator, or should she address the Creator through the male part?

No, her appeal should be to the Creator directly. Women pray the same way as men do. Only the need for fulfillment, which should be realized while she does this, goes through the male part.

Let’s suppose that there is a woman who is somewhere on the edge of the earth, and she has no men who study Kabbalah nearby. She studies with us through the Internet in a different language. How it happens is completely irrelevant.

Still, if a woman prays and asks the Upper Force for spiritual elevation, it will nonetheless come through the Kli, which is called the male part, and which is ultimately the common soul, from which she receives the fulfillment.

Question: So, she needs to appeal directly to the Creator to the extent that she feels Him?

We learn that in almost all cases, it is carried out through the inclusion of Malchut into the Tet Rishonot (the first nine Sefirot). This means that the female part tunes into the male part, and then into the Creator. However, she doesn’t even need to know about this. It is simply the way this process is arranged. First Adam was created, and then from Adam, Chava and everyone else (their children and so on) were created. It happens the same way with us. We raise our pleas about fulfillment by following the same path. In other words, Chava (the female part) should transmit it to Adam, and he, in turn, transmits it above.

Question: A woman is asking, “I realized that women are not obliged to study the morning lessons, but I feel a need to study through a live broadcast. What should I do? Am I inflicting any harm by doing this?” We often come across similar questions.

No, a woman certainly doesn’t harm anyone by doing this. She is allowed to study and do everything except partake in work in the group, which is directed at loving the neighbor. A woman is not prohibited from studying with us in the morning hours.

We know of thousands or even hundreds of thousands women, who study with us. This makes me happy. After all, it firmly binds a woman to spiritual advancement, invigorates all the men who study, and makes us all happy. However, unlike for men, studying in the mornings is not obligatory for women. A woman can watch or listen to these lessons over the course of the day, because women are altogether excused from following the commandments that have to do with a set time.

Therefore, if she is unable to study together with us at the morning lessons because she is busy with other tasks at the time, a woman does not have to do this. And, by not doing that, she does not lose out in any way. We are not talking about what we can or cannot do, but rather about a loss or a gain in the spiritual. Unlike a man, a woman does not lose anything by not watching the lesson at the same time as men.

Question: And what if a man misses a lesson?

A man is at a loss if he does not come to a lesson or does not study at the same time that we do. Since in Israel we study from 3 to 6 in the morning, the whole world connects with us at approximately this time, in spite of the fact that in the US it is already evening, and in Australia, it is afternoon.

Question: We have another question about mutual dependence of men and women. With what actions can we help men cross the Machsom? It seems that they are more prepared than us, but they lack our support. What can help in this case: self-criticism, goal-directed thinking, or physical actions? What should we do?

I think women need to write the men a letter. It needs to be serious and well-constructed. In this letter, women should write about what they expect of the men and why, what will happen after they receive what they expect from them, and also what will happen to the men and the women.

Preparing a letter like this is in itself a process of creation. They will need to know the material in depth and devote a lot of energy to this. I think that this is a good task. The work itself will construct everything in the women that they need for spiritual elevation.

Question cont’d: Will this work help women clarify what the proper demand to the men should be?

Yes, and then we will see what the result will be, since the men will need to answer the women. By what means can they guarantee a spiritual reward for the women? It will be interesting to see their response.

However, men as well as women need to learn how to supplement each other according to the science of Kabbalah, rather than hope that they know this already. After all, almost all of our understandings and knowledge, which are perceived by us as self-evident, are untrue.

By studying the structure of the souls of a man and a woman, we reveal that through their unification we can reach harmony and perfection, where they will really become like one desire and one person. Then through mutual complementation, these two parts of the universe reach similarity to the Creator, as it is said, “A man and a woman—Shechina between them.” In other words, the Creator exists between them and is the binding component, and then all of them will unite.

Question: Does this mean that mutual complementation is intrinsic in the relationship between a man and a woman and also between the men’s and the women’s groups?

Yes, of course. It is also intrinsic in the relationship between all of humanity. After all, all of humanity ultimately unites and once again becomes one mechanism called Adam, which has a male and a female part. Then, as an integral creation of all the souls, Adam unites in adhesion with the Creator, which is in fact the purpose of the universe.

Question: How can a woman who does not listen to lessons and does not study together with everyone else, clear up issues and things that interest her? How can she develop a spiritual need at all? When one feels that he/she cannot ask something directly, it stops a person.

One minute, if she does not study, does not listen to the lessons, and does not participate in our talks, what is her question? Then of course she cannot ask questions.

Question cont’d: I think she is complaining that she cannot raise her hand at the lesson and ask a question.

No, that’s not true. First of all, we receive questions for the TV show Ask a Kabbalist, and I also give lectures in a lecture hall called Beit Kabbalah LaAm, where I answer everyone who attends the lectures. I don’t think there is a single question that we don’t clarify during our studies. These questions are asked by men from Israel and from all over the world.

During our lessons, people ask questions through the Internet, and a woman can also ask a question this way under any name she wants. No one will try to figure out whose name it is. If the question has to do with our topic, I will gladly answer it, even if the question comes from a woman and not a man.

That means there is no problem. A woman who wants to receive the answers to her questions will receive them. She just needs to have the desire.

Question: Do you see a difference in the development of women from, let’s say, the time you began to study Kabbalah to this day?

Over the last thirteen years, there has been a great difference in the development of Kabbalah from the side of women as well as from the side of men. Before, there was a greater development on the women’s side. This is because women began to feel a lack of fulfillment more quickly than men, when there was a turn for the worse with the general crisis that took hold of all of society in Israel and the whole world. A woman begins to suffer and feel this first.

Lately, I would say it has balanced out. Men and women feel this crisis and all that is happening in the world in general, approximately to the same extent. I think that they are continually becoming closer in their perception and understanding that the good world that we need to build will be a world, in which there will be equal participation of men and women—in the material as well as the spiritual worlds. However, first this needs to happen in the spiritual world, wherefrom forces descend to this world, and therefore we need to worry about that first.

We will not be able to make our material world beautiful and developed, if we do not take care of the spiritual forces that give it life. If we do this, we will supplement each other in the spiritual world.

It was very nice to hear women’s questions and to answer them. Thank you.