http://files.kabbalahmedia.info/download/files/eng_t_rav_2013-08-01_program_haim-hadashim_n218.mp4

Dr. Michael Laitman

A New life

Talk # 218 — Adolescence

August 1, 2013

Oren: Hello, thank you for being with us here, “the New Life” series, educational series with Dr. Michael Laitman. Hello Dr. Laitman, hello everyone. Hello Nitzah Mazoz. We want to learn from Dr. Laitman how to build our lives as a new life, a better life, a life where all the relationships between us go up a stage to the highest, highest place where possible, because we understand that the relations between us define our entire mood, our health, our success in life, our disappointments, everything. We want to take this factor and learn how to work with it properly. I understand that we have a tool in our hands, that if we know how to tune it properly we will be able to bring it to a place where we wake up in the morning with a great light in our eyes, and we will have a great life. And each time we focus on one of our relationships and everybody’s life, we focus on it, and usually the inside from each system can serve us and all the other relationships in our lives. Be with us, there will be a lot to learn for sure. Nitzah, open up the discussion, please.

Nitzah: So, first of all, we are in a “Parents Course”, we are learning to be parents, and the subject that we want to speak about today is about adolescence, one of the most challenging phases; parents at a stage when their little child suddenly becomes older and everything starts to change. Up until a certain stage he would not argue too much, we had good communication with him, we can understand what was going on. But the minute he starts to become like a teenager, he goes through this phase, he starts to get his own identity, he starts to demand more independence, he starts to go through changes: physical, emotional, cognitive, the whole way he thinks changes, his needs change, his urges change, everything changes. We are looking at a creature, who was our little boy that we knew, and in front of our eyes, suddenly, everything is changing. And the first thing that we want to understand as parents is, first of all, what is happening with our kid, what is happening? If we understood better what is happening with him, maybe it would be easier for us to see how we can adjust ourselves to their new needs that are starting to show up, and help him to shape in the best possible way his identity.

Dr. Laitman: First of all, we have a problem, because we are not talking about getting there suddenly, to becoming a teenager. We are talking about a process that we are going through with a child. And therefore, if we truly go through a process with him, him and us together, as parents and a child, then there is no jumps. There is nothing sudden and there is no surprises. But rather, we understand what is happening and he, actually, through his connection with us, also in advance, he understands, he feels what is happening with him and then he has no problem. He has no problem. He does not receive sudden changes, he does not have sudden changes if we are going through the stages with him properly. But if it does not happen, then in accordance with that, at every age, we have surprises and especially at the adolescence age.

What is so special about the adolescence? A person, he starts to be a person. It is not someone that is copying the big people and his entire desire to be similar to them, like what happens before adolescence, that he does not have his own maturity. He is still not a personality. Therefore, everything we say he listens, he accepts. Maybe he does not want to accept it sometimes, but it is because he is taking an example from someone else instead of his parents. He has friends, he has all kinds of forms of communication: internet, TV; but still, he is still copying all kinds of forms and he is putting them inside. He is copying types of life that he sees, and whichever has stronger form, that is how it is accepted. And here we need to just identify what he is more inspired from, and what less, and make sure that the good, correct ones go into his memory, his brain and his heart, and that it will be like those same qualities against which he will verify life; that is very important. Until he receives, takes from all the sides, all kinds of impressions, that is before adolescence.

When you get to adolescence, he starts to show himself as understanding, feeling, working, operating himself, apparently responsible for what he does, wants to be responsible, in other words, wants to demonstrate, I decide, and I do and I determine, I am in charge. And the question is, again, how much we make sure he would get the right perceptions in advance, the correct values, and that it will be easy for us to talk to him at this stage. If the adolescence does not come, that is bad; we really have a problem with the child. His personality has to begin coming out. But the question is, now, what expression we see, and also here, even though It is adolescence, we have to show him from ourselves, also examples. Which expressions, how I express myself; that I express myself responsibly, in consideration of others, with love, in control, compromising, with doubts; that is very important, submission; three lines, like we say, from the side of weakness, from the side of strengths, smart, doubt, etc. Understands, does not understand, feels, does not feel, controlling, weak, loving and rejecting, each and everything. And, the way that we use these two sides, this is how we can relate to each and every phenomenon. And not just I love, I hate. But rather, that it will be in balance each thing. I do not love this, there is no such thing. You need to show the other side, because there is people who are opposite and you will not find a connection with them at all; you need to be in balance. Even though you decide that you do not love it, you understand that others do love it. On the other hand, you can dress in someone else, etc.

These are things that they have to learn. Adolescence is a time of active communication, but it is not just kids are playing hide and seek and stuff; it is already a personality, a person’s personality that he is learning to get out of himself, to present himself in other words. And he knows how to present what to who, in such a way that he will look good to himself, that he will not be lying or doing anything by force or bending himself. But rather, how he understands the world, first of all, he understands, we have to explain him people’s weaknesses in a very strong way, what people are, their characters, what weaknesses they have, signs, signs for disagreement, hatred, blind love, sexual attraction, the urges, the negative and positive urges, attraction and rejection that each and every person has. And the more the person is balanced between all these urges, he is more complete with the world. He can enjoy many things relatively, and he can understand, maybe not agree, but he can understand each and every person. This is very important, active communication; it is about, learning has to be correct here. But this is truly the work; it is not just give him little examples like it was before, good boy, getting from us, even though we are explaining all kinds of thing to him. Here, it is really to help him build his personality in an active desire that is being revealed, that wants to be a person.

So, here, let us put it like this: if previously we made this statue and we worked on some image of a person, let us say a general image, that we made from the correct material and everything; now, we are shaping it in an internal way, we are helping him build the person inside of him. I mean, not the external marble, but really the spirit that is in him; and here, it is truly art. I think that, soon, we will be ready for this, to go through it ourselves, and afterward to be professional to do it on audiences and all kinds of workshops, all kinds of groups, also in a personal way. But this is work; we need artists here, really artists. And this includes theatre, museums, trips, discussions, books, games, certain games, very specific games; lots of history, lots of talks, together and in all kinds of forms; impressions, negative and positive impressions. That he is not just reading something, but rather they are discussing it and getting an explanation from a few people who are against it. And through that, he builds his view point, his multi-dimensional viewpoint, about each and everything. It is very important things.

Nitzah: These are very important things and truly as parents we do not have enough understanding and information how to deal with this process.

Dr. Laitman: Building a person is really divine art. It is the Creator; the Creator does it. Only those same people that have the Upper Force, that have the understanding about the person’s soul, they can do it. Therefore, what I am talking about is the type of ideal that we have to aspire to; but we need, really spiritual artists for it. This is what we are shaping now.

Nitzah: Maybe, before I get into the questions deeper, to understand this process…

Dr. Laitman: But it is all, of course, with the understanding that we have enough time. We are already talking about it, that we are not working, that we are living a new life; that we are all almost unemployed.

Oren: We are still working, we are still working; let us not jump to a reality that does not exist.

Dr. Laitman: Okay, in the meantime we cannot deal with that either.

Nitzah: I want to give one general question. I have noticed that the age of adolescence has changed. If in my time, if I look at myself, I remember that my adolescence started around the age 12 or 13 by the age 16 or 17. Today, girls start adolescence, at least according to the surveys, at the age of eight or nine; at 10, they are completely developed. How did it happen, that..?

Dr. Laitman: I saw the adolescence of my generation. Yes, it was like 14.

Nitzah: 16, it was like the central age of, it was called like a teenager. The nature has changed. How is it possible that our kids are growing up much faster, at a much younger age? Why is this happening?

Dr. Laitman: There is many explanations, but, it is because we are altogether, the world is full of information. From genes and hormones that are developing faster, from food, everything that we do. We are also living in a more centralized way, in the city, with lots of movements, lots of connections between us, internet, TV and everything. A child feels that he is in the world, in the big world. Until the age of, I do not know, 16 or 17, I almost never went out of my city. I was in a special family; they took me to the black sea and all kinds of places, to the big cities in our country. But, other kids, they did not even know what those things were. And today, it is, how can you not go see those things?

Nitzah: And on the other hand, also, adolescence used to end at a certain point, much earlier. It was shorter. It used to start later and finish at the end of 17, 18.

Dr. Laitman: And, today, there is no end; at the age of 30, they are still teenagers. But, it is also because the world is not ending, it is always developing. And a person that is in it, he is also, apparently, always changing and developing. And now in his life, he is going through many forms of life, many reincarnations. Once upon a time, there was my village, my work, my parents, my relatives, I am marrying the neighbour there and that is it; and kids and everything, it is clear. He builds a house, I build a house next to them and everything is fine. And now, from year to year, I change place, change my luck, change my family, I switch everything. So, it is not possible for a person to settle and to be, like, stable. Each time things are changing. If the world was once stable, there is a king, masters in the region, rulers; and today, it is just, it is all, it is all coming and going; everyone comes and goes. It is switching very quickly. Things could be different from today to tomorrow. Nobody has to keep their word. You do not know how someone will think or decide something in another moment. It is accepted in a changing, dynamic world; we are also dynamic.

Therefore, the adolescence age that used to appear, we used to relate to them like that; that they want this, and they want that, and they are jumping and they forgot about them. Today, it is normal; it is completely normal. Also, our time, it is a, it is a general adolescence period for all of us; we were in the period of childhood, let us say until the age of 9 or 10, the entire world, all of the world’s population, we were like, carrying on, but we were quite static. And today, we are getting into this period of humanity, of the adolescence, and it is just the first phase where we feel confused, lots of forces are operating on us, things are happening, we do not know how to work with them, we do not know what to do; we do not have anyone that can teach us how we, humanity, can now stabilize ourselves and get the correct things from all these things, how to process them, what is right for the right, for the left, that is good, that is bad; we do not have examples for the correct behaviour. Therefore, we are really hanging in air, that is characteristic of our period.

Nitzah: I know as a parent, as a mother, I learnt a lot precisely from being a parent, from raising my children. So, precisely here, from dealing with my kids growing up in the family, maybe l will also go through adolescence phase with them and understanding. Because it is like similar, similar processes.

Dr. Laitman: Therefore, if we learn how to teach correctly, then in that we are also learning ourselves. There is no choice. We have no one to learn from. But we need to try, according to the method that we are verifying, we need to start to work.

Nitzah: And then we will go through this development, as well.

Oren: I want to mention something, I want to ask about something you said before. You talked about developing, up to adolescence and afterwards. Up to adolescence it is actually, we are always copying, copying, copying. So make sure he has good examples in front of him, and then he will copy them.

Dr. Laitman: And also, examples that are not so great, also bad examples, but that he will know not to copy them; you teach him from both sides. He does not verify everything, but he sees the bad examples and you explain to him why they are bad, and it is not worth it for him to copy them, just the opposite.

Oren: That is until adolescence. And then you said…

Dr. Laitman: After adolescence he starts to have his own heart and brain, his own engine, that he wants to give examples of his behaviour.

Oren: Can you expand?

Dr. Laitman: This means that he does not look at others, how they behave, but, rather, he wants to show everyone how he behaves. Meaning, instead of being passive, he becomes active. Instead of just absorbing and receiving everything around him, which is actually his childhood, he becomes mature. And then from day-to day he has more personal, independent, it does not matter if it is correct, good or not, he presents it in a very highlighted way, precisely, this is his pleasure. This is me, I exist between you, and this is how I am presenting myself; look who I am. And then we see the queen of the class and all these forms, these terrible forms that they feel; but this is the age.

Oren: What do you mean?

Dr. Laitman: I mean, control, what do we have at those ages? They suffer from it so much they feel like they are in prison, like they are at a work camp. They feel like they are being squished; they cannot express themselves the way they want to, otherwise other kids jump on him, gang up on him, there is always struggle of the ego and all kinds of forms, and they are always making accounts, they cannot learn, they do not care about the world or anything; they just care about how they each look in the class towards others. Nothing else interests them. The person just wants to presents himself and we do not allow him to do, that we close them off in a class. It is like you bring in gangs, opposite gangs into one cage, into one cell. They are really blowing up. They are exploding. This whole form makes them, gives them a trauma for life. I would immediately change it, the class for those ages.

Nitzah: How, to what form?

Dr. Laitman: We will talk about it, maybe some other time, but definitely not like that, if we are stuck with those things in each and every class. But first of all, I would not even bring them to such a situation, I would prepare them differently, but not like that. I will just give you few tips. First of all, I would divide them according to their desires to all kinds of groups. Let us say there are 30 kids in the class, in the best case.

Nitzah: Sometimes more.

Dr. Laitman: Let us say there is 40, yes, OK, divide them up: who wants to study with who? Feel free. It is also with preparation beforehand. Let us say 10. Break up into teams of 10; who wants to go there? Even not 10; I am not determining. Maybe there is even a group of 2 or 3, maybe there is group of 20 people. But divide up according to either way you want. Let us try. That is what I would do; I would divide them. I would not keep them together. But again, let us verify why it is more convenient for me to be here. Maybe you want to be there because they are weak and next to them you feel more secure; maybe you want to be next to them because they are pretty and you are not so pretty, and you think it will be better if you are among them, etc.

We need to verify, not as bad as revealing as I am saying, but we need to verify the urges. But the main thing is that they feel convenient. It is pleasant for me to be with these few people. And is it pleasant for you because you control them? Does that mean convenient for you? There may have to be not some kind of, but everyone will write a secret note who they wanted to be with and who they did not want to be with, and why. There is a lot of work here, but it is very correct to do it, because it allows a person to relate to life properly, which type of person he wants to be, why these people, why those people not. It is worth investing months on this and afterwards to invest a few hours every week discussing it, until they build themselves through this work. Because the class is a place, it is like a little mini world; there is weak, there are strong people, there is all kinds of forms. Therefore, it is a good place for verifying things.

I would not rush to divide them up. I would separate: let us work with that group and that group and then bring them together again and make a meeting, a class meeting, and a class gathering. I would verify because they do not learn anything anyhow. They have no head for learning. Those years, they go though a few years.

Nitzah: All they care about is friends at that time.

Dr. Laitman: That is a time for building yourself. So, it is worth investing in, but that is the work. And then we will really get a good result. The good result is that each one can live with everyone and feel content with everyone, getting along good with everyone, even though everyone is completely different. If everyone knows how he fits in with everyone, and feels comfortable with that, because he understands the other; the main thing is to understand your fellow man. If I understand him, then I have the ability to connect with him. There is no such thing as not being able to connect with someone; it does not matter who he is. The main thing is that I will understand him that I will dress in him, that one will have the ability to get close to the other, and he is smart and he understands, and then it works. Everyone becomes a good psychologist. And the main thing for himself, he understands himself: his weaknesses, his internality, why he thinks like this or like that; his self-psychology. And then, through that, he connects with others. Therefore, here we see the foundation of the future society; that is why Baal HaSulam respects materialistic psychology, because that is the correct connection between people that brings them to a corrected society.

Oren: Can I ask about what you said before? You said that before adolescence he is passive, he is absorbing, he is receiving.

Dr. Laitman: That he reaches adolescence, that is nature speaking in him; it is not that he chooses or something. Nature talking through him. Taste, what is happening, he is not guilty, it is not that he is a good boy. And then you need to take advantage of those times to give him good explanations, with…

Oren: it is in Aramaic what you are saying: “Heart and mind”.

Dr. Laitman: The correct impression in the heart and the desire, pretty, not, good, bad, fear, happiness, all kinds of things like that. All kinds of forms and an explanation: why do I feel bad, why do I feel good? Maybe I am not used to it? He has to be as objective as possible, to build an objective… I am like this because it is my character, I am used to it, etc. But some people have a different character. You build in him preparations for adolescence.

Oren: So that is in childhood.

Dr. Laitman: But in adolescence, he starts to use them in an active way. And he will have all these inner characteristics, these impressions that are laid down like cards, and he uses them in a manner that he chooses and sees how to present himself, and how to build himself and how he is already a person. He wants to be in society, especially in adolescence he wants to look big.

Oren: So, what kind of persona is he making of himself. What do you mean, big?

Dr. Laitman: What appears to him, if he behaves like this, he will see himself as great. At an age like this he wants to show himself as great. He starts to smoke, wear high heels…

Nitzah: Make-up…

Dr. Laitman: The boys are doing all kinds of macho stuff over there. It depends on your education, but the main thing is I am a big person. They want to show that instead of being 15, they want to look like they are 25.

Nitzah: I remember as a young girl if they said that I looked five years older, it was a great compliment at that age. Really, what is that expression, that desire to be great?

Dr. Laitman: It is nature; we need to understand. This is how we need to relate to them. I can not say to them, shut up, do this, do that. Nature is forcing him to be great. I just need to teach him the most desired form out of all the forms that there are. But the fact that he will want it? I cannot, but without developing… we need to always relate to a creature where nature is always awakening. And we need to, this warmth, these urges, these desires, in a correct manner; that is all

Oren: Which fire? Which bonfire?

Dr. Laitman: The bonfire of development. So at the beginning, this fire burning in him is to grab on to the world, and then later on, how will I look bigger.

Oren: You said that he has an urge at adolescence to say, here I am, I exist between you.

Dr. Laitman: That is at the age of adolescence, that he wants to show himself as great, as existing; I am a man. How does he want to show himself in the family? Precisely like everyone; he wants to be like everyone. He does not want to feel like a child. He wants someone to relate to him differently, and precisely, that he has independence, and that they take him into account.

Nitzah: You described previously the importance of feeling both sides. On the one hand, apparently the good and the bad. And many times when we look at teens, we say they say all kinds of dangerous things, stupid things. Say, what are these stupid things that you are doing? It is a desire to live between two ends all the time.

Dr. Laitman: Without ends they do not feel like they exist. Myself as well, how do I know my hand is there? Because I am pressing on the table. Without this limit, without the limit I do not understand where I am; I need to be in some place. So, you have pressure, you have pressure from others. I am pressuring myself, people are pressuring me from outside. Without that, sometimes I get into an argument with other people; why? Because I do not feel that they are relating to me. Why does the little kid get mad? He breaks out because he needs attention. We are talking between us and the little kid suddenly starts screaming, and it is just so that he will be taken into account. And we, we big people, we also do that.

Oren: Another thing that you said, the purpose is to give him cards, so that at the age of adolescence he will be able to build his personality. What is the point of giving him the cards and what does he do with these cards later on?
Dr. Laitman: A person is born, he has a memory. Apart from that he does not know anything from this world; when he is small, yes. And he starts to fill himself with impressions. So, first of all, his impressions are from one end to the other. He sees prostitution, robbing, murdering, all kinds of very negative things. He also sees, helping, how mommy and daddy relate to each other, the family considerations, etc. The fact that he filled himself with all these forms, there has to be some program that verifies what is good and what is bad, and in which form I can present myself in each situation, with the external conditions. I am here. Actually, I am holding myself… it is like I am placing myself in a theatre.

Oren: Who?

Dr. Laitman: The person. I am in a situation, and in the situation, I take from my memory, some card, some picture, that in this manner I need to present myself. Right up to the last detail, to dress like this, to move like this, to present myself like this, to relate to him like this, to relate to him like that. In all kinds of the smallest things, because I do not have from the beginning, from myself, anything about how to behave. I have to receive this format from life. And then the whole period, from birth until adolescence, I fill myself with all kinds of types of behaviour. And afterwards as well, but a lot less. That is why the childhood age is so important. That is why we are always talking and talking and explaining what is good, what is bad. We spoke about it, that we always talk next to the child, why it happens and how, etc. And he is willing to absorb it with an open mouth.

After he filled his batteries and his memory with all kinds of forms, with lots of cards… he takes them out in accordance with what he got from my explanation, along with these forms, and this is how he behaves in the world; and until the end of his life he will behave like this. Until the end of life, each and every person. And even now, the way you are behaving, you are behaving because you have all kind of impressions from the past; I have to sit like this and I have to do like this with my head, exactly. It is precise. There is never anything in the person randomly. It is a copy, reflection of all kinds of his impressions from childhood, being a youngster; maybe slightly afterwards, because it is a problem, because he is less and less taking into account the people next to him, and he is not accepting their new forms of behaviour; that is it. We are simply going through in life, those same forms that exist in our brain. It is like in theatre, each time I see something and I see if it is worth it for me to behave like this, or behave like that, to feel myself as secure and good as possible and control in every situation. This is what my ego pushes me to do in everything in life.

Oren: So, what happens in the transition?

Dr. Laitman: I start to take these cards out; I am a person. I am a person. It is me. Even more than everyone, I feel myself important, standing out, exceptional. I am out on the stage, in front of the crowd, I feel myself like in a theatre, the theatre of life. And, here it is important to see how he implements what he received before. We have to put it into our memory and now it is important to us which values he is using in order to get this persona out of everything he has in his brain.

Oren: I do not get it.

Dr. Laitman: He goes into a new place, how will he behave? He meets his teacher, he does not care. He acts like he does not care about their opinions. He really does not care about the police, the small people, he does not see them. It is important to us how he, which cards he takes out, which types of behaviour he pulls out from the ones that he has. Talk to actors. A good actor is an actor that has in his brain thousands of types of behaviour. And like a parody, he takes them out from inside, he whips them out like a monkey and starts to play. The more precisely he plays the character that is there in his brain, he is a better actor. And the same with the person; he is just not aware of it.

Nitzah: that is a fact, that he is not aware of it.

Dr. Laitman: Therefore, we need to teach him; there is no choice.

Oren: So, hang on, there is cards, there is giving the cards, and there is acquiring the cards during childhood. During childhood our goal is to fill his memory with as many types of cards as possible and next to the cards, the program.

Dr. Laitman: The program is what is good and what is bad; what is worth it and what is not worth it. It is worth it for you, for your ego, or for something higher than your ego. For you and for others. Here, we are getting into building in him the correct attitude to what he is absorbing.

Nitzah: So, my job as a parent is to catalogue all these cards for him, to good and to bad.

Dr. Laitman: Let us say I went with my kids, we went to all kinds of museums in Canada and America, and I explained to him all kinds of forms, as much as I could, based on my profession; these foundations that this is like that and this is like that, this is how we behave. Museums, I mean like the natural museum, especially, not just pictures; that is not so interesting. Where nature is, development, technology, medicine museum; that is worth it. And then you build in the person a certain attitude to life. An understanding, criticism, as much as possible, knowing where they are; and that is it

Oren: So, the main thing is to know what is good and what is bad, as much as possible.

Dr. Laitman: But here you are working on the person in him, and that is above his ego. You try to make of him, we spoke of it, we try to make something objective that he sees himself from the side. This is my weakness, I cannot do this but I am aware of it. But I am aware that I am weak in this, and I am aware that I am strong. In this way I can deal with it and not go along with my urges.

Nitzah: And if I am used to it?

Dr. Laitman: If my habit becomes second nature, how can I get rid of my nature? How can I do the opposite of what my nature dictates to me? My values toward the world change; I already see it in a different light. In other words, that a person always weighs, verifies, and receives the form of life from each of the people in front of him. I always do not take a photo of it with that camera, not feeling anything, but rather, I am capturing it in my desire. And when I am capturing it, I either like it or I do not. I like blondes and she is dark; I like a different kind of glasses, or without glasses, and she has glasses; excuse me, all kinds of other things.

I cannot see a person without the participation of my desires, of my tastes. So, let us see, is it possible to see it slightly more objectively? Just slightly, that you move it from where you cut here and say that is it. And you say, let us look at it in a different way, not completely opposite. If in that delta, where you move it from state to state, you build doubts in it; that I am maybe not right, that maybe my tastes are not precisely the right ones, that maybe other people can have other tastes like now I change myself. You begin to work with him in a sophisticated manner, in such a way that you talk to him and everything, and then you see it is okay. You think like that, OK, fine. And then through time, the next day or two days later, you start to work in a different way with him. Here you go round the other way and he starts changing. And then, you say quietly: you see, now you changed yourself, your view point and your values. And you are already looking at things differently then the way you saw them two days ago. You saw how you changed in two days; so, also in two days you changed to some other form and this is how each of us changes.

There is no person that is just a person, like a piece of stone; he is always changing. Therefore, there is no absolute in life, but rather, we are always changing. And even though from the side of weakness, on the one hand, but on the other hand, the fact that we are changing, we are advancing. But if we can agree with the changes in us, that this is how we are, then we can get rich from all the forms that we are going through.

Why? Because you have all the forms together and from there, you can build some way of relating to life, like this or like that. And if we, through that, each of us changes and each one of us is different in all kind of forms. But if we will connect together, all of us, to a single image of man, what perfect man will come out of that? You start to demonstrate to him how bad people are, but you also give him the solution along with that. And if you will be that kind of person that can connect with people in this manner, then you will be that perfect person, precisely.

Oren: What does it mean to connect with others in this way? What does it mean?

Dr. Laitman: To reach a common decision with him, a general decision. That is the perfect form. You can reach it, even though you are alone and you are small and changing. You are already teaching him a solution, a solution for all of the weaknesses and the human race in himself.

Oren: You said before that you want to move him from one position to the next, in order to give him doubts.

Dr. Laitman: Doubts about decision making, the way he commands himself.

Nitzah: You are meaning, so, let us say he has a certain opinion about something, and that is it, I have decided and that is it.

Oren: But is not it the opposite? The whole process that you described, now that we do it from adolescence onwards?

Dr. Laitman: We do it with people in our courses.

Oren: I am talking about going from childhood to adolescence.

Dr. Laitman: Toward a person that is born and advances we need to do these things at this age. Yes, at these ages, he needs to be built like a perfect person.

Oren: OK, so I do not understand so much the doubts part. You said that at the adolescence age he starts to have an urge to say here I am, this is my personality.

Dr. Laitman: It is like Baal HaSulam writes, that a person who sees life correctly, he begins to understand that what he has today for sure, tomorrow becomes uncertain. Two days later becomes the opposite of uncertainty, becomes something incorrect, compared to what there was two days ago. Today I am sure it is correct, tomorrow I am in doubt, two days from now I already, that is what happened on the first day. And then, I do it again and again. And this is how it is, and just shows my development. And if I say I am going do it, then your static.

Nitzah: Hang on, it is very interesting what you are saying, because it is as if my truth is changing all the time. Today I was sure this was my truth, tomorrow I will discover that what I thought yesterday, two days from now it will be a lie.

Dr. Laitman: Two days later it is the opposite, it is a lie and where is the truth? In the circle, in the connection between everyone. There is no way around it. We are never, this is what we need to bring kids to understand; that is why I said let us divide them into groups. In the groups we begin, somehow, to bring them to one opinion, and then we begin to bring them together bonding in groups. This we need to see according to a person’s preparation; whether they received at home, or… If these kids go through our treatment there is no problem, and we do not need to divide the class of 40 up. They already understand, but, relatively, they will grasp our treatment. But the whole trend has to be, at the end of the day, only in that. That in the canter of the connection between us, that is where a person’s image is perfect. And we ae the private parts, and each one of us has something good, but everything else is bad.

Nitzah: It is a very big change of perspective, especially since we are talking about adolescence. Because many times you see your kid switching from this to that. It looks like the child is unstable and we get mad about it; “Yesterday you said this.” We need to show the child that this is precisely good. We need to encourage it. We always have, we are always inclined to say, be stable.

Dr. Laitman: Put it in camera, film it, and show it to him.

Nitzah: Just the opposite; why am I sticking to this point? I still feel something very strong here. The main message that has to go through, the main thing the parent has to convey, first of all dynamics, switching, changing.

Dr. Laitman: That is very healthy; it is for every advanced person until the end of his life. It is not for teenagers, it is the greatest sign of health for a person who is growing and developing until the end of his days. Whoever remains here and does not change becomes like a rock.

Nitzah: Now, for the kids growing up, the subject of self-confidence.

Dr. Laitman: This is their security.

Nitzah: But how does it connect to security?

Dr. Laitman: The fact that I am changing is a fact. I am changing all the time. But the fact that I know the changing is good, it gives me security, it gives me confidence; that is the change. Because, the fact that I am changing, and if I am stuck to some single form, then of course I do not have security. I should not open myself, present myself; I will always see something unstable. And here, I am also criticising myself that I am not stable and it is correct. But this unstability is actually a sign of maturity, of never ending maturity, until we truly understand that the only solution in our eyes is to connect to one person, to one image.

Oren: OK, out time is almost up. We will probably have more talks about this, about adolescence.

Dr. Laitman: This subject of adolescence, really, continues our whole life.

Oren: So, of course we will have more talks about this. If I would ask you to conclude in two sentences what you taught us, today?

Dr. Laitman: We see how the years, these years, these first years, that a person goes through in his life, they are so important. And if we, until the age of 15, do not bring a person correct impressions, and put them in our memory in the correct manner, along with writing down what each and every impression is, good, bad, how to take it out, in which cases, then we are not preparing him for adolescence. And at the age of adolescence, we need to work with him on the fact that each of us, in all the forms and all the connections between them, and all the things, they have to bring them precisely to connection between them. At the end of this age, 15, 16, 17, they will decide that the correct connection between people is the solution to all human weakness that is becoming a weakness that is stopping us from thriving and succeeding. And then life really starts.

Oren: Thank you very much, Dr. Laitman; it is fascinating. Thank you, Nitzah. Thank you for being with us. Let us grow up. New Life. All the best.

(End of the conversation)