Talks about the Steps of the Ladder, Part 22
Is it Possible That an Intellectual or Physical Action Could Lead to a True Inner Desire?
We are unaware of our heart’s deepest desire and do not feel it. We sense a middle desire, which usually manifests as a desire for various things we are ashamed of. We also feel an outer desire, from which arises our plea to the Creator, in which we as if ask for the strength to bestow and to be brought us to the states described in Kabbalistic books.
But why focus on the outer desire, which is merely flattery and falsehood compared to the middle desire, which seeks only earthly and material pleasures? It is because even in this falsehood where we know that our heart seeks materiality, yet it still deceives us that it is crying and asking for spirituality and the ability to bestow, this is still considered a prayer. This prayer is based on “faith in the sages,” where we believe the words of the author even though we do not fully understand them, and this faith holds effect. Why? It is because this is a person’s only true free choice.
What is an external prayer? It is what we would ostensibly like to become. We believe that we want to love our friends, to be united with them in desire, in an embracing unity, and so on. If we look at this “ostensibly” from a different perspective, slowly, we start realizing that we want to receive it for ourselves, even if it is not our innermost, true desire.
Our inner heart was created by the Creator, but we want to absorb, receive, and somewhat agree with the external, artificial, and false desire. We wish it would be so. Here lies our free choice in our future inner self, in the way we would like to see ourselves. Although this desire is currently artificial and false, it is treated as a real desire from above. The inner, animalistic heart and even deeper, unconscious desires belong to the Creator. The person is completely disconnected from them, and has no control over them.
Therefore, even while considering the external, flattering, and hypocritical desire, we receive a correction from above, which advances us to the correct image and form. The Creator always responds from above, reflecting the gap between our concept of the good that we wish to become and the true goodness meant to sprout within us. This is the gap between the external prayer as expressed and its falsehood as revealed in our heart.
As we gain awareness of the gap between the middle and outer prayers, between who we truly are and who we wish to be, we can better understand the Creator’s response, accept it as a correction, and align with it.
Related Material:
Talks about the Steps of the Ladder, Part 21
Talks about the Steps of the Ladder, Part 20
Talks about the Steps of the Ladder, Part 19