eng_t_rav_2013-07-02_program_haim-hadashim_n207

A Talk with Dr. Michael Laitman

A New life

How to Create Better Relations

February 07, 2013

Oren: Hello, thank you for being with us in New Life educational series with Dr Michael Laitman. Hello, Dr Laitman

Dr. Michael Laitman: Hello everyone.

Oren: Hello Nitzah Nisvos.

Nitzah: Hello.

Oren: Today we want to invite you to be with us in this conversation with Dr. Michael Laitman to learn how to create better relations in our life, relations that will bring happiness, warmth, security, and abundance into our life; we will feel that everything is flourishing. Each time within these discussions, we take Dr. Michael Laitman on a journey into one of the sectors of our life in which we have connections with the people around us. In this current series, we are going straight into the home, the family. All of us are people with families, whether it’s our parents, our kids, or grandchildren. It does not matter how old we are or where we are from; we belong to some small circle that's called a family. In this series, we are trying to learn how to maintain the family unit in a new way. We see that the situation today is not so great. Families are coming apart, crashing, whether it is divorce or an inner collapse, and we want to start doing something. We want to learn how to do it in a different way, to learn something new that will truly be able to bring us to a new life. We feel that everything that we learn at home, we will be able to use outside the home. We will be able to connect with people around us. It will bring us profits in all of our relationships with other people in the general population. Join us. It does not matter how old you are or if you have kids or not, you will have a lot to learn here about all of your relations in life. Nitzah, bring us into the discussion today.

Nitzah: In the other shows, you explained a model to us; the new model of the family. Let's call it the round family. You taught us that in this round model there are principals of listening, of participating, mutuality, how to create a feeling of belonging so that I feel I am a part of the family, how a parent actually teaches his child to be part of it, how one listens to the desire of the other. We learned all this in the previous show. Today, we want to add to this model, a subject that is very, very central and is itself in the crisis. It is called a parent’s authority and a parent’s ability to set boundaries. Why is it in the crisis? If we look at what has happened in the last few years, we see in the past one or generations that the authority was very clear; it was hierarchical. There was a sense of fear. The father would say something, the mother would say something, and there was no question; it was clear what the children had to do, and that was it in the old days. A few years went by, where the new generation of our parents or even our generation that started to educate in a more open way, and with more love. We can even say with more friendship. Parents wanted to feel that they are friends with their kids. They wanted to feel like they are friends. So, the generation has developed, and now we can see a younger generation. It's a generation where it is very hard for them to make decisions, their self-image is low, and their security is low. It's because they have not experienced the feeling of a wrapping of authority, of a family that gives kids a feeling of a very safe framework, a very clear framework, a solid framework in which they can begin developing and growing and verifying themselves in relation to that. Because this subject is so significant, it's not clear, and there is a lot of confusion, we want to discuss it today and ask the first question, “How do you see the subject of parental authority in the model that you presented to us?”

Dr. Michael Laitman: If you started to speak about previous generation compared to this generation or the last two generations, then there's a very big difference. Throughout history in which we developed, we developed in a natural way, in a gradual way. Gradual, meaning, the parents were understood more, they were more learned, educated; they were more mature than the children. They knew where the child would get stuck, and they knew what he would experience in his life. Because it was a life of slowness, a low manner, and there were not such drastic changes between the generations: technological changes, the whole significance of life, confusions, new laws, and so many changing relationships between everyone. But rather there was the family throughout generations, and that's how the family existed. Therefore, with me and my neighbours, in all the previous generations and in all the books, it was all set out very clearly and simply: these are parents, these are the kids, the parents control the kids, and in that there was great power. The parents had a lot of power in making the rules, and this is how it was done. It was clear to everyone that the parents control the kids, because the parents grew up hearing their parents, the listened to their parents, and they knew that when people have a child, they knew, first of all, the parents and grandparents would all live next to the other. The main thing is that if I would give birth to kids, let's say, a few generations ago before this current period, then I would know what's happening with them. I would know what kind of life they are going towards: they are going to school, then they are going to some work or to study, to get married, to have kids. To make the long story short, I already knew more or less what was happening with them, not next to me, maybe in some other place, or maybe in a wider world. But in the end of the day, the family would not fall apart. Not the family itself, but the parents and kids. They would have their own kids, and they would still be close to their neighbourhood, some place nearby. And this whole process that the kids would go through, the parents already knew. They had gone through it themselves. The generations developed slowly. So the parent would know and would be able to direct his children. And that's how... if he was directing them than chances are that's what would happen. Therefore, the parents had greater authority, the government, the family. It was clear to everyone, they had experience, and everything flowed like that. The previous generation educates the next generation, prepares the way for them, and paves the way for them, because they know what's happening. But in the last few generations, we are in a bit of uncertainty. Of course it depends which countries and which cultures, but here we already have confusion, and it mainly comes from our inner development, our desires, our thoughts, and achievements. We say that the generation is not like it was, and it's truly a very different generation with its abilities, with its attributes, with its demands. Also the technology that has developed has developed in such a manner that it suits the younger generation more. With my kids, all this technology is for them, and it’s as if I am not in the generation. Even though I am alive, I am no longer in the generation that they are living in. With all their computers and instant messaging, and this style of life that's beyond our normal life around the planet, with English that covers everything, and with international culture that's catching on everywhere, and they do not care about other things. We used to live in our country, in a limited place, and we had our culture, we had our education, we had our heroes, we had our language, and everything was more or less... and now it is all round the world. I am not built for that. It does not attract me. I do not grasp the world in this manner. And kids, for them it is their life. It's their world. I see myself, let’s say at the age of twenty, twenty five when I used to fly. This plane I would fly in, those places I would fly to, and still it was an adventure each time. Today they are going to the airport, they fly here from continent to continent, but for them, they do not even pay attention to it; they do not even know where they are. They are ten kilometres up in the air, or now in Manhattan, or in Tel Aviv, or Europe, but for them, it's all the same thing. The world has become round, and in every place there's the same food and clothing and the same sports shoes. Everything is the same. They have a common language, more or less. It's a generation, more or less, as if we did not die in time. It’s as if they are not living in our time. So in this manner, the kids are developing. I see according to my grandchildren that the four year old grandchild already does something on mobile phone, even though he does not know anything, but he is built for it. He is built for it. For him, what's this computer, what's the TV, what's this phone, cell phone? And he talks to me, as if, to him it's clear that we can talk. I am talking to my grandfather and that's it. My grandfather hasn’t really adjusted him, but for him it's natural. It's like there is a dog, and a bush, and a tree, and etc. and it's also this. It's a completely different life. Because they live inside of this new technology and culture, these new connections, they feel that this is right for them. It's their life. They do not feel that with this we are actually... they do not feel that we are bigger than them. Rather the world is. This society is big, yes, because they have such a strong connection with the world and everything. We are like not in their horizon. We are somewhere in their background. We are the ones that gave birth to them, but they actually gave birth to us, and that's it. Here, we cannot do anything about it. The child that is born, his feeling after a while, naturally becomes like this, and they also they look at their teachers in the same way. Their educators, they also apparently come from the older generation, and this we need to understand. It's not going to happen forcefully, because we can’t stop their development; it's against nature. Now we can talk about authority, how we can give them authority. How the support that we can give them will be in a correct place. Here we need, though our education, the Integral Education, only to give them access to the new life.

14:21

Nitzah: The parents or the kids?

Dr. Michael Laitman: The kids, but, first of all, the parents. We need to educate the parents, so the parents will be able to give their kids what our kids never receive. They have to receive this precisely from the parents and the family. They need to receive from their parents and family the integral approach to life. All the technology in this whole big world and this whole big mass is alright and it is in available to you, but how do you approach it? How do you absorb it? How do you absorb this picture correctly? Parents have to keep giving kids this, but in accordance with the new world. Apart from the fact that this world is with so much new technology, it gives access to the global life, so we need to teach our kids to be global. The fact that they can scan the whole world in one minute does not mean that they know how to read it properly. That's what we need to give them, and that's called the Integral Education.

Nitzah: In a few words, can you describe… I want to describe my impression.

Dr. Michael Laitman: OK, go ahead.

Nitzah: I want to expand it, so it will be clear, because you gave something here that so really confuses a person, because actually once upon a time, we used to look at our parents as the smartest; they knew the most.

Dr. Michael Laitman: Because parents had to give kids direction in life, and at one point they knew how to do that, because once upon a time the world was egoistic, linear, and the parents would teach kids: do this, do that, and it's better for you to do this and do that. The parents had this inner program of how to treat the world out of their experience, their life experience, and they passed it on to their kids like this. Therefore, they had the authority to educate and demand, because they had the same approach to the world, the parents and the kids. Today parents have an old program. The younger generation does not have a program at all. They cannot use the old program from their parents, because it’s as if they are living in an altogether different generation, but a new approach, they do not have. They do not have one. But the parents are still parents. When will they be able to have authority? When they truly have the correct approach to the new world. Therefore, they need to go through the course, “The Integral Parent” – call it like that, whatever you want. In this course, they need to learn what is necessary to exist in the new world with the new approach, the new world of the parents. Then they will have the authority, the full authority to pass it on to their kids; they will understand one another. Even though the kids are more sophisticated, with all of the devices and new means that are now available; it does not matter. It's as if it’s nothing, just a game, and a way of life. It's just like an improved way of life, but their attitude to life will be better. If they are together in the integral approach, they will be on the same frequency, in the same direction. Then they will know how to help, how to rely on their kids, and the kids will understand and accept this approach from their parents. There will be connection between the generations, meaning, that the parent can really have authority only on the condition that they can be relied on in this matter. Otherwise, no.

Nitzah: I just want to strengthen what you have said with an example.

Dr. Michael Laitman: Because parents today have choice; therefore, with this inner pain they have, we can attract them to the Integral Education.

Nitzah: I want to give you an example. Just to emphasise how it happens in life. A friend told me her son is three years old. When he was at his grandparents, he asked his grandfather to do something on the device, and the grandfather tried to do it, but he did not succeed. So, the grandchild says to him, “Grandad, you are really don’t know how to use this; you are useless.” I remember she said it to me, and you know, what he said?

Dr. Michael Laitman: And it's natural.

Nitzah: And it's true, because he knows things. He anticipates that his grandfather will know things that he does not know. But at such a young age, he already understands that the old generation has nothing to give him, and they cannot tell him anything about this world. It was really, like, crazy. Now when you are telling this, it's really...

20:11

Dr. Michael Laitman: Sits right there. To show kids not strength, not pressure, but to show them that we have new wisdom that they do not have and that no one in the world has, apart from us. Then they will understand that we have authority. They will give us that authority. Now that we will take it by force.

Nitzah: So, meaning, a child needs to know that he has who he can rely on: you understand the world, you understand where you are directing me, and he is directing me properly? If he feels I do not understand how the world is working..

Dr. Michael Laitman: They have to see us as wise, great, and influencing, and full of a wisdom that does not exist anywhere else in the world. They need this, and we have it. Precisely in the Integral Education, and we can provide. My grandson, he is ten, was once in a place, and they wanted to see some movie on TV in Canada, and they had guests over. He said to the friend, “That’s my grandfather,” because one of my films was put on. That is authority. You have to convey to the child this feeling. Of course, his grandfather cannot organise anything on the device, and that's really a big blow. It remains with the child for his entire life, this bad impression, really bad impression. But it can only be towards the Upper Force. only towards the society or world, something that is above us. Then we will give them an example that we have to relate to the issue like this.

Nitzah: What does it mean?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Towards civilisation, towards humanity, towards nature, towards the Upper Force. Then I show him precisely how I am, like, a little person towards that. I teach them also to be small towards that, and in that I am teaching him that, in that, I am also great. I approach it like a small person, and in that I am great. He needs to see greatness in it.

Nitzah: Can you give me an example, so I will understand?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Like the religious people take their kids to pray. So, the father that is praying to God, he does not look small to the child. The child understands that it is towards God, that's it. Towards nature, towards the world. The world not with its culture, etc. but also nature. There are things towards which we need to show our children the example that we need to go from beneath upward.

Nitzah: Can you give another example that is nothing to do with religion?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Not religion, nature. I am saying about nature. Hurricanes, all kinds of phenomena of nature. These things we have to respect, because it's above us. And not because it's bigger than us, but it gives birth to us. So it is also the parent nature. Nature is our parent. God is our parent. Therefore, in that as well, we need to explain to them; therefore, we relate to it with respect from down upward we look at it.

Oren: I want to ask you. If I understood what you have said up to now, it will not help us to try to apply authority to the kids; they will just run away from you. They will laugh at you. And the way to acquire authority is to show them that I am wise, that I understand life in the manner that nobody understands, and it is my wisdom, this understanding, my special understanding of life that I am conveying to them, yes?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Yes

Oren: So, let's get into that a bit. And what am I...

Dr. Michael Laitman: The fact that you are bringing this education.

Oren: Yes, but beyond the title, what is my wisdom. What does he need to feel? Let's look at it from his side. We talked from the parents' side, so now let's talk from the child's side. The child, if the father, the mother, if the parents acquired this knowledge, and they give it to the child, what does the child feel as a result? What does he feel? His parents understand the world, that they are the smartest, they are the strongest. How does he know that they’ve got the correct result?

Dr. Michael Laitman: He feels that we are teaching him something that is worth for him to know, and in that, he understands the world more, he understands life more, he is more successful, and this is through workshops of course. It’s through workshops we do together in the house, and the round table that we do in our living room, and in our kitchen. We sit together, then we sit down together with our kids, and in that we teach them the correct attitude to everything. It can be to nature or to humans, inanimate, animate, vegetative, to relatives, strangers, to the profession, anything. A person’s view point, outward from himself, needs to be integral to everything.

Oren: What does that mean?

Dr. Michael Laitman: It means that we’re allowing him to feel the right way to connect to everything in reality. Like we teach him the wisdom of life, what kind of world he is living in. What does it mean, “What kind of world he is living in”? The right way to relate to everything, what things he is asked to look out for, which things he needs to get closer to, wisdom, science, friends, culture, education, and what things are harmful, what things we need to distance ourselves from.

Oren: That's what we are always taught. What's new here?

Dr. Michael Laitman: A new part is the attitude that in every place, we want to create a friendly attitude of connection and see the world not with the corrupt people, but to see that the whole world is round. When I come to some place, and I am with people, I will want to relate to them in a round manner, to nature in the same way, and to my friends in the class. It does not matter how old I am. If I relate to all these things in an integral manner, I am positive, I will receive, I will get less blows and disappointments, because I am going along with the law of nature, along with the development of nature, its trend of development. And surely I will profit more than others, and I will lose less.

Oren: To relate to my friends in a round manner, in integral manner, is it the same thing?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Yes, of course.

Oren: What does it mean?

Dr. Michael Laitman: It means that in every place, I try to organise an equal environment, a friendly environment.

Oren: Friendly to whom?

Dr. Michael Laitman: To everyone. If it's round, it is not who, it is everyone.

Oren: I do not understand.

Dr. Michael Laitman: If I am in a class, or if I am at work with people, let's say, I am in a class

Oren: Now, we are trying to feel what my son is feeling in class. What wisdom is he feeling after a while, that his parents are special, that he has received tools that nobody else has?

Dr. Michael Laitman: It's difficult if he is just one.

Oren: No, I am saying that...

Dr. Michael Laitman: How he is influencing the teachers and school. That's all that he needs influence.

Oren: I am jumping to the end. I am saying authority will be the result. He’ll feel you have something, you have assets, you have wisdom that no one else has. And he will appreciate it, and that will be the result. You need to understand your life yourself; when you pass on this wisdom, then you will have authority.

Dr. Michael Laitman: Again, you do not give it to him forcibly; rather, he gets it through workshops.

Nitzah: What is the difference between them?

Dr. Michael Laitman: He does not want to be preached to.

Nitzah: Being preached means to be pressured – do this, do that. All kinds of advice that I am recommending. What happens in the workshop?

Dr. Michael Laitman: He is understanding.

Oren: I want to be sure that I am not preaching to him. You continue with a workshop. Hang on. Possibly you can tell me what not to do. What does it mean, “Do not preach to him”? What does it mean, “Do not preach to him”?

Dr. Michael Laitman: It means that you do not want to force things into him without an explanation. Or give him explanation that he is acting against his egoistic logic. That is not worth it for me, that what daddy says. That's what I feel. But rather I agree, because he forced me to. Of course it does not work. We see that it does not work. That's why there is crisis throughout society. What does it mean it does not work? Do kids want to accept this? No. They do not even want to relate to you, if you are acting like that.

Nitzah: You said something so powerful. You said preaching to someone is either forcing something in, or it goes against the logic of his ego, which is very powerful, because they have some inner system that is very sophisticated, and if you say something and it does not suit with them well, they throw it back to your face. They’ll say to you that you do not understand anything about life.

Oren: Is there anything else that we should not do? Are there any other emphasis?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Nothing. Do not say anything. Shut your mouth, daddy. That's it. But rather, only through example, and only through speaking so that he himself will understand one thing from another. His moral of the story, he will be able to attain from the workshop. And then you can discuss it. You can discuss what each person understood, and if someone did not understand something, then you can add a few questions that you can verify between you, until you reach the same conclusion. And that remains with him. And then again and again, until he sees that that is logic and that's correct. And the fact that they do not behave like that at school, etc, that's another issue. Of course, they do not behave like that, but you teach him how it needs to be logically, according to logic.

Oren: What will I put in front of my eyes in one sentence? What will I put... what emotional place do I need to take him to with this tool, with this family workshop? Say, if you come to my home after a while, after you come to implement it in my house, how will you see my kids after a while, so you'll say, yes, this is the integral approach? We both grasped what you said, both parents. We succeeded in passing on the tools we received from you to our kids. If you were here at the beginning and then came at the end to see the kids, what differences would you expect to see in our kids relating to us compared to other kids that do not have this?

Dr. Michael Laitman: The kid that begins to organise his brain and his heart, his little small brain and heart in an integral manner, begins to absorb things at a very high level compared to the other kids, because he has no fear. He does not have any fear. He sees that he is a part of life. He sees how life is built. He feels this, and he accepts this. He has an inner scheme. And what he is discovering, he is discovering as a result, as the elements of this same picture. He is reading what's in front of him, in the relations between people. He understands what motivates people: their egoistic attitude, big people, little people, and his environment. You give him a method. You open his eyes, his ears. He absorbs reality, but you explain to him how to connect all these impressions that he receives into one integral image that includes all these impressions in a correct manner.

Oren: I do not understand. You said that I am teaching him how to put together all these impressions.

Dr. Michael Laitman: We are talking about, that all the details of the world, how the parts, the elements: inanimate, vegetative, animate, types of animals, plants, people – it's all parts of the ego. We all relate to one another like that, to get the most with minimum investment. I give examples about this. Everyone is attracted to rest, but also we are attracted to absorbing the most, to fill ourselves. And I give them examples from nature around us, and from people's behaviour. I explain everything to him with this general perspective. Then in this manner that everyone wants to take advantage of the other, wants to take advantage of his fellow man, and especially people, they have the biggest ego. The other parts of nature are operated by nature. A person has to act in this round manner that everyone would feel good. And if I know this law of goodness and operate according to it, I will be in the most convenient situation for everyone. I will be in the safest situation compared to everyone. I will have the lowest chance of someone coming to harm me. And I am in a situation where I have the highest chance of acquiring many friends and connecting with right and positive, beneficial things. That's called the wisdom of life, because before his mom used to say to him, “Connect with him, do not connect with him, do this, do not do that.” She just used to preach to him. I do not want to preach to someone. I want to give him this inner program. I want to give him this wisdom, so he will know how to implement it in life.

Oren: And why does it depend on him to have this program? What's the basic algorithm in the program? What is the rational, the basic rational at the base of this formula?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Whomever is connected to everyone in a good manner or, let's say, he has the attribute of bestowal, he profits at the end of the day.

Oren: How do you define “in a good manner”?

Dr. Michael Laitman: For the sake of his fellow man.

Oren: And what about his own good?

Dr. Michael Laitman: In that, you will benefit for sure, because it suits the law of nature, which is the integral connection between all parts of reality. And I, I am suiting this law. I am in the law. So, why is it bad for me? How can it be bad? I just need to integrate more and more, and more inside this law and then I will open for myself, a completely new reality.

Oren: What does it mean to be connected in an integral manner to the kids around me?

Dr. Michael Laitman: To be friends with everyone.

Oren: It sounds a bit naive.

Dr. Michael Laitman: We experience such a connection; we learn it from the workshop. It's the law of nature. It's not that I am preaching to him do not do this, do that, I am proving to him that one plus one, we talked about it, equals two. He discovers that. And the lesson is that he himself begins to understand and feel that it has to be in this manner. And that we have to be connected all properly and good. We are connected well to one another and that would be good. Why is it correct? Because of the general law that is operating on us. We are in this bubble, in this sphere, and that's where these laws are operating, the integral connection between all parts of reality. And if we do not make mistakes, if we do not suit ourselves to this law, then we suffer at all levels of life.

Oren: How do I bring my child to these insights through workshops? What will be in the first workshop? You are saying we should never, I am starting to understand, never be preaching to the child but be developing in him this inner wisdom. Like you say, preaching is like I am giving him the conclusion, and I am forcing him, I am forcing him with my authority as a father saying, “Take it.” But not preaching to someone is developing this inner program with the help of the Integral Education that allows him to reach this feeling by himself. So, let's say, what’s a first station we need to have for his development as a child? It is his first insight, second insight, and third insight. Let's say you brought him to this conclusion that I said, “It is a bit naive that it is worth it for me to be friends with everyone.” So, apparently, if I say to him it's naïve, and I am preaching to him, it’s not effective, but if he reaches it after A, B, C, then it is already the program that he has truly acquired. Did I understand you?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Yes.

Oren: What is the first station? What is the first, second and the third station?

Dr. Michael Laitman: If we are in our family, we are two parents and three kids, five of us in all. We are really mad at each other. I can see by your face that you identify with this situation. How many claims does each person have, how come we cannot reach any connection, any compromise, how much aggravation do we have, and how distant from each other are we? How much are we ruining our lives? We’ll do it with this wisdom that we have, this criticism. Let's calculate this: I am asking everyone now, we are arguing, and we are not getting along with each other and everything. Every one of us has to see bad things and good things in this situation where we are all in a war. He has five, he has four, he has more, and he has less. Let's see all of these. We will write everything down from the five people in the discussion. Maybe three people will have bad things to say about what's happening in the family, where each and every claim means, I want to escape from everyone.

Oren: Each claim is that I want to escape from everyone. The reason why I want to escape?

Dr. Michael Laitman: No, each claim that I have. What is its significance? I am not happy being with you. I want to escape from you.

Oren: To justify why I want to escape from everyone.

Dr. Michael Laitman: It's the result. That I bring... let's say, I have five claims against everyone. That's, I mean, I have five claims against each person or even more. I want to run away from all of you. I’ve had enough of you. I am not capable. I am like in prison here; I don’t have a choice. If I had some place that I could be, somewhere else, then I would run away. Thank god I have a room where I can close myself off, and no one can come in. I see that you understand the situation also completely. Right?

Oren: Right.

Dr. Michael Laitman: Now we can do a workshop. We are going to do the opposite. OK? Everyone sits down. We are doing an upgrade. We are holding hands, and we are starting a game. Of course, it's a game. We are still mad at each other. It's hard to get rid of it, but we are starting a game. We are starting something else. How much can each one say as an actor, pleasant things to other person, more or less and not to exaggerate too much. As much as possible. We are also keeping track, let's say. Then we are discussing this. Let's say, we are talking about Nitzah. You make a good omelette mommy. We see how we appreciate her; she is a good slave for us. The same thing about dad. Daddy took us to some zoo, something. The father is the driver. We are learning this in some egoistic manner, consumer manner. We relate to each one like this. We talk about it, of course.

Oren: Do we analyse it in a way you analyse it?

Dr. Michael Laitman: I am just saying it so it's a stage. It's a stage

Oren: Tell me, we are not analysing it?

Dr. Michael Laitman: We are analysing it, but I am not getting into it.

Oren: So, now we need to analyse it and reach it inside. Do we need to reach it inside? Like you said, we are consumers, yes?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Yes

Oren: Yes, that's we have to put on the table...

Dr. Michael Laitman: We do not need to be ashamed of it. Just the opposite, we are opening everything up. I say about the little brother that I cannot go to toilet after him, because it stinks. Even to such an extent as this. Everything completely is open, and whatever there is in the family.

Oren: So, we were on the positive workshop with a game. We were saying good things. And then you say, after the good things, we get to the next stage in the workshop where we will understand that whoever gives us services is good for me.

Dr. Michael Laitman: Yes.

Oren: What's next?

Dr. Michael Laitman: I other words, I love whomever serves me and hate whomever requires something of me and limits me. Clear? He hits the wall from the other room, when I have music on; he bangs on the wall. You know, each one is full of complaints. How can we live in a family like that?

Oren: That's the next stage?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Yes. When everyone wants to escape, it's natural. Now we understand, it's natural. How will we reach a good life? I am just waiting to grow up and run away. I do not have a minute at home, no one helps me, and everyone is demanding things. I am here. Thank god, I have some corner. In other words, let's imagine for themselves now, let's make a picture where we are all righteous. Not righteous, but we are all warm. How can we put it? Not that we are gentlemen, because it's also like an insult nowadays. We are all, well, integral people. How else can I put it? What does it mean? The integral person is that he wants everyone around him to feel comfortable. That's an integral person. How can each one of us now make of ourselves an integral person? Each one is concerned that others next to him would feel pleasant. And what disturbs us from behaving like this? If we, in our society, start to strengthen this approach and respect it, what are we choosing? For each of us to have a big prise at the end of the week, if we behaved correctly. What can be the prise? To go to a coffee shop. It does not matter what: to bring home some big cake with cream, icing, five kilos. It does not matter what. Or the opposite: all kinds of food, to go to some special place, even expensive; it does not matter. Let's choose some prize. Let's maintain ourselves, let's hold ourselves for a week, so that we will get this prize.

Oren: We hold ourselves, how?

Dr. Michael Laitman: In good relations. In the relations that I pay attention to everyone, that they feel only good things from me, and they about me. It's how we strengthen one another. We will even do it in a good way. As if, we are all making an effort. According to my nature, I feel like giving you a shove along the way. You know what I mean. You know, how it is. The opposite. We are doing one big theatre of heaven. The Garden of Eden. Of course, we all are being hypocrites, but suddenly we start to discover that if we hold ourselves, we maintain ourselves, each one holds everyone and everyone holds each one, then we begin to feel that there is some type of foundation that’s been born, that is giving us this pillow from which we can manage ourselves at a different level. And this new way to relate to things becomes our habit. This becomes our, really our habit becomes second nature. And then at the end of the week, or after we succeeded, we brought this big prize home. It can be a prize that we will do something together, all of us. On the weekend we make a calculation, “What did we profit from the week compared to the other week that we were angry all the time, what did we lose?” What did it cost us compared to the same power that we used to lose by going at one another, by fighting”? In that way, you go through this family learning, and you build the family. Now of course, it cannot be just in one family. It has to be in a few families that belong to the same class at school.

Oren: I think that we are in the parent course. We are already a few parents, and if everyone is learning the same approach, than we are doing it in our homes.

Dr. Michael Laitman: We are already pressuring the school to start to have these studies like this at school.

Oren: Now it's a question for you. You emphasised that throughout a week, you said it many times, that we are strengthening one another. What does it mean we are strengthening one another? How do you strengthen each other? Can you give me how we can have positive reinforcement all week? Maybe even an example would be best.

Dr. Michael Laitman: We, at the end of the week, let's say, we give a prize.

Oren: That's at the end. But you said throughout the week, we have to reinforce each other, instead of hitting someone. You sometimes.. I have to...

Dr. Michael Laitman: Give them positive reinforcement. When she comes next to me, I have to smile at her. Before somebody comes through the door, we say, “How are you, what's happening?” We are playing. We are really creating a game. What's it called, “Big Brother,” or whatever you want to call it?

Nitzah: But let's say myself as the mother.

Dr. Michael Laitman: We can also see who is strengthening others more, and they can also get an extra prize at the end of the week. We can do all kinds of competitions that are positive. As Baal HaSulam says, “Then somebody gets a medallion.”

Nitzah: Positive competition like, let's say, a few times, I wanted to do something, but I rose above my...

Dr. Michael Laitman: Then say that to the other person, “I wanted to smack you, but instead of that, I gave you a hug; I patted you.”

Oren: When you strengthened me on that afternoon, but you did not pay attention, you strengthen me.

Dr. Michael Laitman: Each one has to write it down. And then each one in that gives points to the other. Now, the more each one fills these points from the other person, the points that they are giving to the other person, the other person profits. Not you writing down how you are profiting. The other one profits.

Oren: So, it turns out that at the end of the week, I got the most points, because I strengthened other people.

Dr. Michael Laitman: So I’m the excellent of the week, so I get the prize.

Oren: Otherwise, why are you strengthening them? Our talk is up. We are going to keep talking about it. Please try to summarise first in a few sentences what do you want us to teach about parental authority? I took from this that it is authority that you do not take by force.

Dr. Michael Laitman: It was also like that, but because we were simple egoists and the children also, then we could direct them in a right way, but today we cannot. Now we need the Integral Education, and then we need to convey this to kids, and they will feel that we are giving them a wisdom of life, and that way we are acquiring the authority in their eyes.

Oren: Thank you Dr. Michael Laitman, thank you Nitzah. Thank you for being with us. The wisdom of life. Until the next time. All the best. So long.

(End of the conversation)