Morning Lesson October 5, 2023
Transcription is made from simultaneous translation, which leaves a possibility for differences in the audio
Part
2:
A
talk
about
the
importance
of
the
family
unit
in
the
spiritual
path
1. S. (00:02) You said before that all of our work is that we want to resemble the Creator and the connection between us would come incorporated in each other, to help, mutual support.
R. We need to move our tendency to resemble the Creator into our inner inclination to come close and connect to the friends.
S. How do you give your inclination? How do you pass it on? How do you pass it to one another between the friends this desire?
R. We study together, who we are, what we are, what our purpose, what goal, we need to aim ourselves towards, to what state we need together all of us come to and to come closer this way.
S. What about disruptions and all kinds of pressures that the friends in the Ten have?
R. We need to accept disturbances as help. There's None Else Besides Him and the Creator is also making good states well seemingly good ones, so that we feel for the time being in our qualities in our egoistic qualities and the bad states we need to accept everything down to the smallest detail in life. As help to reach the purpose of life. Towards complete adherence between us and in this adherence between us, adhesion with the Creator.
S. How to become correctly incorporated in each other's corruption and destructions between the friends in theTen?
R. That's a very broad thing, but eventually we need to find the connection between us above all the disturbances.
S. If a friend in the Ten is disturbed by something, something pressures him. What should the other friends do and how do we operate correctly?
R. To help.
S. Help in what?
R. In everything so we will get along. Even if he has problems in his job and his family, especially with his family we can see that here and there there's always room for help. We need to give him examples of what to do, and to advance this way.
S. There are places where you can't really get in there and become involved.
R. We can. The group can from afar of course after inwards let's say if it's between a husband and a wife that you can impact the whole situation from the outside. To oblige each and every one of the friends to be nice close, friends, men, the women, the children, and all that are associated with him.
S. How?
R. First of all each and everyone needs to understand that it's his obligation, it's his commitment. That by being against the connection, from his connection with his children, with his wife, with his family, Even with his relatives somehow, and accordingly he also is breaching this law of 'Love Thy friend as Thyself' not in the first degree but nevertheless he is reaching it.
S. How's this related to the way I relate to my family and my spiritual development?
R. That too has to do with your spiritual vessel and that's why you have to organize these things. You have to arrange these things. Why do we have to get married and have children, to educate them, to be in connection with them? These are necessary things. I remember how Rabash said, when we had all kinds of cases, he would say how could it be that he doesn't love his wife and his children? How is that possible?
S. What do we do if someone doesn't love his wife and children he doesn't love them so?
R. It's written in the Torah that if a person is not adhered to his wife, to his family, then he has no point in planning and dreaming about adhering with the Creator. It's part of opening the heart, it's a big part of opening the heart. He's still closed up in his qualities and cannot receive help from above. He is protecting himself, his ego. He will not advance this way. He made an advance in wisdom, or in the wisdom he can maybe recite all the verses that you're learning, but not according to the inner qualities.
S. A person who is closed by his nature with his qualities how can we influence him? This is his nature right now he is closed?
R. No, no, no. There are differences if a person is by nature closed up, or he is a bigger egoist or that he is resisting and doesn't want to open up.
S. With such a friend, let's say he resists. It's not by nature, he has resistance to open his heart to open up to others.
R. Then we need to help him, we need to help him, you need to tell him about the extent in which you are open.
S. Can we help a person who doesn't want to get help?
R. Yes, nevertheless it all depends on the atmosphere, the field of influence that he's in because he's nevertheless amongst the members of the friends of the Ten.
S. If it bothers the friends in the Ten that it means that it harms the whole Ten?
R. Yes, of course the Ten eventually becomes one cell. All that's in it belongs to their attainment, their general attainment. It's very important.
2. S. (08:23) I heard before that you said that the force of rejection that the Creator gives us it's actually a correction?
R. In order to perform a correction.
S. The correction is over the equivalents of form?
R. Yes.
S. When a person feels rejected, he is confused, he doesn't quite know what to do. He begins to close himself within himself; You can see that he becomes disconnected. What is expected of a person between the form that the Creator wants to give him in that moment and between the form that he's in right now. What's expected of him to do? What are the first steps, one, two or three steps that he has to do in order to close the gap in order to transform his form?
R. I didn't understand the question.
S. The question is, what is expected of a person to do when he feels the force of rejection in order to equalize his form and turn the rejection into nearing?
R. First of all bow his head not being such great pride that he is wiser or more understanding, or that he will somehow remain as a rooster, and no more than that. That's one thing.
The second thing, he needs to after all receive the influence from the Ten because he has actually in our world no more and it was given to him from the spiritual world. He must be connected to the friends, the people of his home and to be close to the Creator this way. He must take them with him, in order to approach the Creator, in order to come close to Him. He must build such relations with them, that it will be similar to that system that he needs to observe with the Creator.
S. I see that point of difficulty when we feel rejection. We feel it in the will to receive, we feel the rejection but actually the Creator is trying to bring the person closer and at that moment he's giving him a new form by which he could become closer to Him. The person doesn't manage to interpret it correctly, it's supposed to be like. It's natural first of all it manifests in a person as feeling distancing, rejection, confusion. What tools does a person have to prepare himself for such states, to be ready for them and go through them in a good way? What are the means, the tools that the Creator gave him?
R. Connection, connection, between us that we need to bestow upon a person, bestow from all directions. the entire Ten so that he will change and see how mistaken he is. Otherwise he doesn't come to the purpose of life. We must, we are obliged, on the side of the method, to aim him correctly towards life.
3. S. (12:45) How many times when a person receives rejection, he has a way to escape it or something, he runs from the friends?
R. Right, the group accordingly has to aim its influence towards him so that he will not run away but rather he will come closer or grow stronger and go forward.
S. Specifically here, he can write the friends, I don't feel good, but I am with you in my heart. How much do the friends need to study this and investigate and come to him and find out.?
R. They have to go all the way. I'm telling you that from experience. Rabash wouldn't let go of it.
4. S. (13:40) Continuing the discussion on the rejection to open the hearts, in the case that the friends can't open his heart, but then how do I know that he cannot open his heart? Secondly, well, first, how do I know that he can't open his heart?
R. We are in a Ten and in the Ten we try to go forward together. Together means that we connect to each other more and more, and this is how we advance. To be as one man with one heart means that we truly reach adhesion with the Creator. Are we able to do that? Are we able to open the friend in such a way that he will open his heart, that he will adhere to us, that he will be able to help him and influence his inner connections and so on.
S. Can I tell a friend, like that has been said, that I can open my heart? How can I say that I can open my heart and you cannot open your heart? You need to follow me so you can open your heart. I am your example. How does that work?
R. We need to try to see it from life to see it from our actions.
S. How do I know that I can open my heart?
R. Until you begin to love the friends, even on small measures, small quantities and you try to help them, and you try to be the way that they want you to be by that you begin to discover how much you are with them.
5. S. (16:25) About the correction of a person in his relations with the people in his home, if I'm not mistaken that the Creator makes the couplings,
R. Yes.
S. If a man and woman found themselves suddenly husband and wife, does it mean that they specifically in the connection between them need to perform a correction?
R. Yes, if they find themselves that they have closeness between them, then they need to build a family and the spiritual development process also becomes dependent on how they come closer to each other as it is written man and woman have the Shechina between them.
S. Can a person say maybe the Creator made a mistake and he gave me a certain coupling: this is my wife, this is my husband but maybe the Creator made a mistake in my case. Is there such a situation?
R. It's a great malfunction, it's a great malfunction and so we know how difficult it is to get divorced. According to these laws and how much we nevertheless need to try to keep the family, and the fact that you will not have a good tranquil life and your family does something else that's not an indication it's not a reason to get divorced.
S. I think it's written something like the altar shed a tear, why?
R. Yes there are many such verses that speak about the great sorrow for the entire system of Adam if these people get a divorce.
S. Why?
R. Because by that they break that place where nevertheless they should have revealed the connection.
S. In the convention we talked a lot about the opening of the heart, earlier I heard about a verse that even between the relations between a person and his wife it's part of an opening of the heart, his correction.
R. Yes.
S. What's the relation between the wife and his personal correction?
R. We can't really deal with it this time but we can just realize that in order to reach the Creator, we have to arrange all of these relations between us within the family and also and only later towards the Creator through humanity and then it will work out?
S. I heard you several times saying that if a person is in a certain Ten it's not by accident it's the actual part of your soul and it's with them that you need to connect.
R. That's clear.
S. Does a person need to stay the same thing about the husband or wife that was chosen for him?
R. Yes of course it is written that this couplings are done from above the couplings are done in heaven.
S. What's the summary here? What should one's attitude be towards his spouse or his partner in order to develop his soul here?
R. He should behave with them as he is. as it should be, meaning to be as a friend, a husband, a father and so on.
S. If I don't feel love in my heart towards them?
R. That doesn't matter, then you also don't feel love towards the Creator in your heart or towards the friends. You have to accept this whole system, this whole complex and develop love towards them and then specifically, you will discover that your wife is actually operating to your benefit.
S. I once heard you saying that through my wife it is through the Creator's talking to me?
R. Yes, this is what is written.
S. What does it depend upon that I would actually hear what he is saying to me?
R. That you adhere to your wife and that you would want to be with her as in one body. It's just like the first line of Malchut. By that you prepare yourself for the reception of the upper light.
S. What if emotionally I do not feel?
R. What emotionally, egotistically, in a beastly way? You know how it is according to the laws of the Torah, the bridegroom shouldn't even see the bride before the wedding but rather to trust the fact that the one that they bring him she's the one that he's going to marry. Have you heard about that?
S. Yes, but where is love?
R. Love is what you develop over time. When I live with a person and I want to be close to him or her and I do favors for her and her to me and we get closer this way and by that the love is formed not beastly love but human love.
6. S. (22:52) You said earlier that to get divorce is difficult but today in the reality that we live in, in the world, not just in Bnei Baruch. To get divorced is very easy. It's a true epidemic and also amongst our friends. I think that the difficulty that happens and I get to talk to many friends, is this clash between what's happening at home and the spiritual path. People come with great importance of the goal and suddenly the wife has demands, and at home there are needs, and he also says but wait a minute I want to invest here, in the friends, and not there. Can you maybe explain this thing about first of all, arrange things at home, that in that little circle there, and only then the friends? Or maybe it is the other way?
R. First the home, in the minimum, normal way which is accepted in the society and then the rest of it but it is possible to do it in parallel and it's possible to even do it with mutual help from the group.
7. S. (24:12) With all that we heard now it's not the first time, we're hearing this for many years a friend can come and say look here for example one, two, three, four friends who got divorced and married again and had a better life, it's a corporeal calculation he has all the excuses. Where here's the spiritual calculation that enters here?
R. A spiritual calculation is that well we don't understand it for the time being but man and woman the Shechina is between them. This is something that we still need to interpret to resolve it to understand it. What kind of system is man and woman and the Shechina between them and why is it that the whole of nature is built on connection between the different genders and sexes and what's in that? There's a great correction in the world in it.
In short, we have no choice of course this is why we are discovering a great corruption in our time, it is characteristic of our time, and we will have to correct ourselves and reach a state where we rise above this matter of the family and children where we keep it because it pertains to the correction of the world. That we accept the family connection as a spiritual connection, it exists and that is it. You cannot do anything about it.
S. A person comes and hears what you're saying and says okay, I want for me to have quiet at home so that I will be able to engage with my friends. Right now with my wife, with my current wife sometimes it's between the wives also, or for the current man, there's no beast, there's always something. So we will replace it and there it will become and we'll be able to develop spiritually.
R. If a couple or your relationship hinders you from keeping your connections in theTen your relations in the Ten, then the Ten should influence this couple gently, don't break his ego, and in this way bit by bit, to bend him to the fact that if he already got married and they have children. Baal HaSulam and Rabash related to this in the most strict and sharp manner, if a person is going to get divorced and leaves his wife and the children, this would be completely unacceptable.
S. Actually all the calculations that the eyes see, and the heart feels?
R. Anyway we have to put it on the side whatever we feel in the heart, she's not pretty, she is pretty. I'm talking about states where the bridegroom hasn't even seen the bride before he opens that cover, he doesn't even see, he doesn't know he's getting married with, who he is getting married with. This is how it was with Rabash’s wife. She wanted to see him before the wedding so she was told we will make it so that he will walk on the street and we'll peek from the window. you will look from the window. So she looked through the window but he was going along with his friend, and the friend was tall and handsome and Rabash was not fat but he was very sturdy and strong, broad and short, so she got them mixed up, and she was happy? I don't know. Later on already under the canopy during the wedding so when the bridegroom came she saw it wasn't the same one, but Ok, not too bad. They lived together for 70 or 60 some years together with many children and grandchildren. This is how it is.
Meaning it has nothing to do with feeling. That's what I'm trying to say. You love her, you don't love her, we all change. The way that you look at the age of 20 and the way that you look at the age of 40, 60, 80, but rather we are talking about a human being, are you such a person that you can be devoted to the family meaning to take care of the family and that's it.
S. What if it comes from the side of the wife that she wants to get divorced? Purposeful man and woman, they have children and the woman says I can't stand him anymore?
R. Well we need to check it. I don't know. There are all kinds of such states, couples come to me also. I think that almost none of them had a serious reason, none of them. Unless there are some cases where there's also some sort of mental illness.
S. Yes, this was the custom in the world.
8. S. (31:57) Just to understand the development of a woman in the general society, in the Bnei Baruch society. We remember that not long ago women could not study with men and we see that the role of men does not change.
R. If a woman has been developing more than a man, that is a good thing. As it is written, that with the help of righteous women the sons of Israel came out of Egypt. This is a sign of our times that we are in a developing process.
S. The woman previously was more dependent in the past.
R, Correct in the past the woman was more dependent and today less and it is all in order to go through corrections.
S. According to the rule do you think it never changes? Will the conditions that existed at the time of Rabash such as for example getting married?
R. No, I just think it will get stronger. The woman will get stronger and determine more than man. That is how it's going to be towards the correction. That's advancement in nature.
9. S. (34:36) I wanted to ask in regard to the development of the soul with which you started the lesson, what do you receive specifically from the family with relation to the development of the soul which you don't get from anywhere else?
R. Man's wife is as his own body, we don't understand what Chuppah means, what a connection means, we do not understand how we do all of this. We should also try to have Chuppah weddings as much as we can, it should be organized.
S. Clear but I'm trying to ask, a person who wants to obtain the vessel of bestowal, we always say what he gets by working with his friends and the Ten and help by this he gets the soul.
R. That is under the condition that he is married if he's not married he has no reason to go to attend he shouldn't even be accepted to studies. We accept them because we're opening to everyone but actually, we need as quick as we can as much as we can to make couples out of the people here.
S. That's why I'm trying to ask what happens to a person the minute he becomes married when he has a family?
R. Then he has a part of the soul which is already connected to him and now the soul is whole, Baal HaSulam didn't accept anyone who wasn't married. Rabash, he gave him a place in the corner. There's a big room, let's say like this and there's a corner where the bachelor studied. He let them study somehow but he didn't accept them in a serious way, None of them until they got married.
S. When does a person study begins?
R. Once he gets married, The next day he can start studying, that's how it was. Rabash told me about it. Once he got married the next day he already came to the lesson.
S. Now a man who has already married and then begins to work with the Ten, he's already in it?
R. Yes.
S. Now, I have to work with the Ten where I'm trying to build what is called the vessel of my soul. What am I supposed to do with a special called family?
R. You are connected to them so obviously they're advancing with you.
S. The work there is completely different or do you also take the principle?
R. You don't need to take anything, you just strengthen the connection with to the extent that you're advancing.
S. If you sometimes don't feel this desire to strengthen the connection there?
R. It doesn't matter who cares. It was never taken into account. Do you love, do you not love, what's going on here? Why are you giving this so much importance to the connection between husband and wife? They are living together, they have a home, yes, they have kids, good. What do you want, the wife's okay yes, laundry makes food for her husband, he brings money, they live and they sustain their family, that's what needs to be the rest, the main part in life is from an interconnection between them and with the friends that the man must and the woman it's not a must, and from that to the Creator.
S. What do I get from the family, what do I get from my wife which I don't get from my Ten and that I never will get from the Ten and only from her I can receive it?
R. Support.
S. Without the support why does it make you complete and whole? It turns out that without it you are incomplete?
R. The completeness and perfection in spirituality you do not see but when you will reveal your soul you will see that there is a part, The woman part in there.
S. Clear. Final question about feeling love or whatever it is, if I don't feel it?
R. Love? Rabash would say that love is like an animal that you grow by letting it eat and you take care of it, you never had an animal alone.
S. Yes, we had pets, yes. Ok, what do you do?
R. You take care of it, you let it live, you give it life, you give it food, maybe you need to bathe it, that animal, and in this way it grows beside you.
S. Where is the love here?
R. If they both start taking care of that love, so they have to describe this love between them, that for now it's a zero, let's grow this love that it will open between us and then they both think of what can grow between them, that's love, and in love each one thinks how to do good for the other, that's clear.
S. Does it have to be mutual? Does the love have to be mutual?
R. Usually it is because if one performs it correctly the other one gets an example and also does it correctly.
S. What is this common love that we are raising between us with both starting from zero so what is this thing called common love, mutual love?
R. Mutual help, mutual support, mutual understanding that's called love.
S. Clear, so everything I know from all kinds of emotions which I think are love they're not love?
R. I don't know what you're asking about, I know that I need to get help and support, attention, this person needs to understand me to feel me, to be interested in me, and then it's called a spouse,a partner.
S. Clear, so it turns out that the more I maintain this wholeness it allows me to even begin to work further and onwards?
R. Yes, Rabash would say that love and the family is like an animal, a pet that you need to raise together, and as much as you let it eat, it grows. That's it, that's called love.
S. With what do you feed this pet?
R. By conceding, that's how you feed it as much as each one gives up from himself. That's how you feed it, that's why there's even a concept of a family, that it gives you in an endless way and ability to concede, and to concede, and to concede.
S. Specifically in the family, I see that your ego is constantly charged. It's like they constantly touch open nerves.
R. That's the Creator doing it has nothing to do with your wife.
S. Clear, so what do you do there, because the peaks of the states are infinite and one day you can go through a million states, so how can you be in constant concessions? You feel like you're much less than a rug because of all the concessions?
R. Don't think about you being a rug or less that's a good thing. For attaining the purpose of creation that's good, like it's written about Abraham listen to what Sarah is telling you.
S. What is she telling me that no one else tells me?
R. No matter what, whatever she says. because she's a woman. It's worth hearing. To hear it you must, whether you do it or not. That's about the states that you go through between you.
10. S. (46:22) You said that the women have a very important role in the correction of humanity. Is it more correct than for the woman to pick the man?
R. I don't understand the translation.
S. He's asking if it's not more correct for the women to pick the man in the human society?
R. If the woman picks the man? I think that's what always happens. That's what I think, my wife told everyone, I think. She saw me and she told herself that that's going to be my husband. I know it took like 2 years or something and really that's what happened. I think usually the woman chooses the man, even though they are smarter and modest, and then it turns out that the man starts feeling the commands of the woman, silently and concealment the way it comes to him, and then he starts speaking about the connection between them, but actually the Nukva the female, turns around the man That's what’s written.