What Should We Look for on a First Date?

A first date should be simple. Its purpose is not to fall in love immediately or to discover everything about the person sitting opposite you. It is to determine whether there is a basic compatibility between you—whether two lives have enough common points that they could potentially connect.

Think of two pieces of a puzzle. At first, you are simply checking from a distance whether they might fit together.

Do not be overly impressed by external appearance. It is enough that the other person seems pleasant and that you naturally feel comfortable around them. Instead, pay attention to their general attitude toward life: family, parents, work, leisure, interests, habits, and the environment in which they grew up. Through these seemingly ordinary things, you gradually discover the person.

This is why a first date does not need to involve profound discussions. Talk about childhood, school, family, vacations, work, hobbies, weekends, and experiences that remained with you. These are not insignificant details. Everything we have experienced enters us and forms our habits, values, and outlook on life.

As the other person describes their life, try to feel as though you are watching the movie of their life. Ask yourself: Would I feel comfortable entering this movie and continuing it together with them? At the same time, show them your own movie honestly.

The most important thing is to be yourself. Do not become a Hollywood hero, try to impress, or present an artificially improved version of yourself. If you are looking for a serious relationship, there is no benefit in creating an image that will later disappear.

We also should not bring all our previous failed relationships into this new connection. If we continually think and speak about previous disappointments, we recreate them. As the saying goes, where a person’s thoughts are, there they are. Instead, return to simple, human things that allow two people to meet naturally, without pride and without fear.

By the end of the first meeting, you do not need to know whether this is the person you will marry. You need only feel whether there is enough compatibility to meet again.

Somewhere beneath the conversation, there should begin to appear a quiet, unspoken possibility: perhaps the picture of family life that each of us carries within has something in common.

Based on "New Life 201 – First Date" with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.

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What Should We Look for on a First Date?

19 set 2026

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Kabbalah MediaCopyright © 2003-2026 Bnei Baruch – Kabbalah L’Am Association, Tutti i diritti riservati

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