How Can a Broken Relationship Be Fixed?

Every time I was invited to speak about improving relationships between spouses, parents and children, or colleagues or neighbors, I encounter the same expectation: “Give us tips. Advice. Quick solutions to fix this or that issue.” And each time, I must honestly say, there is no such fix. There are no shortcuts. We cannot solve the crisis of human connection with a patch or a trick. The problem is far deeper. It is not in our behavior. It is in who we are.

We are facing a global breakdown of all human systems. From the family unit to the economy, from education to social cohesion, everything is crumbling because the very fabric that used to hold us together has worn thin. That fabric was once the natural connection between people, grounded in a common life and mutual dependence. However, we have evolved, or rather devolved, into isolated egos. Our technological advancement, for all its brilliance, has only accelerated the collapse of our inner bonds.

What we are lacking is connection. Real connection. Our connection is fundamentally broken. This goes for connection between people, within families, in society, and also among nations. This is the core issue. We cannot mend our torn connections through external means. The only solution is to build a new human being.

When I say “a new human,” I do not mean changing the way we talk or act in a superficial sense. I mean a transformation of perception, values, and identity. Doing so requires developing an understanding that our fulfillment comes not from dominating others or protecting ourselves, but from creating positive human connection, i.e., integrating with others in a healthy and mutual way.

People ask me, “But how do we fix the couple that’s fighting?” The answer is that we need to first fix the human. Fix the man and the woman. Then we can discuss building a new kind of family. First, there must be a reformatting, like erasing an old hard drive and installing a new operating system. Without that, there is no ground to build on.

That is why I always return to the same answer: education. Not schoolbook education but life education. We need adult education, not just for skills or knowledge, but to understand ourselves, our nature, and the purpose of our existence. What drives us? Why do we suffer? Why do we fail in relationships? When people begin to see that all their actions are driven by self-interest and that genuine and lasting fulfillment rests beyond the ego, they can begin to change.

However, such education cannot happen through talk alone. We cannot just tell someone, “Be better,” and expect them to transform. Real change requires example, environment, and experience. If a child learns by watching adults, a person must be immersed in a new society—even if virtually—that demonstrates new norms and values. That is why I trust in group work, in collective learning, in watching real-life scenarios that reflect our inner struggles and model new outcomes.

I do not dream of eight billion people attending lectures. I dream of creating powerful media such as films, TV series', and other programming, which shows people the mechanics of their own behavior and which can awaken them emotionally. If we can craft narratives that reflect people's own pain, their hopes and confusions, and then gently guide them to a new perspective, that will start a major shift to a new positive direction.

In the end, all we can do is offer this new perspective. We will not convince through words alone, but through feeling and relevance. When people are ready, when they truly seek a better life—not through ego tricks but through real inner transformation—they will find their way to this path. My role is to be ready for them when they arrive.

Until then, we must keep building the tools, the environments, the examples, so that when they knock, there will be an open door.

Based on episode 29 of "New Life" with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.

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How Can a Broken Relationship Be Fixed?

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