Morning Lesson Transcription is made from simultaneous translation which leaves possibility for errors.
Morning Lesson November 13, 2020
Excerpts from the sources: “Work with Faith Above Reason”, #12
1. Rav’s Introduction: As usual everyday begins with the evening we must not forget about it, we have to get used to it. The spiritual evening, it is the Creator that prepares for us, as there was evening, there was morning one day. In spirituality there is no sun or moon, they are states in the person who feels the evening, the night, the darkness, he does not see, he does not feel the presence of the Creator in his internal world, and precisely from there begins the new day. From the feeling that I do not understand, I do not feel, I have doubt, I feel darkness, I also don't have a direction, of where I should go and I have to get used to this exactly, and this is exactly the correct preparation I get from above, from the Creator who sets it up for me on purpose. And this is why I do not accept it as something bad, I am not angry about it. I am happy that I have such a beginning. I am happy that I don't know what to do with it, that there is after all some illumination from above besides the illumination of darkness, which gives me a feeling of what to do with it. This is the beginning of the correct feeling, correct degree and this degree has to be a revelation above the darkness. This darkness is something I need so it remains in my vessels of reception, except I need to start revealing my relation to spirituality and build spiritual degrees above it. And therefore, this degree, the feeling of darkness, lack of desire, lack of direction, lack of orientation, this is what the Creator prepared for me. This is His language, and here has to be my answer. What do I answer to Him? My answer needs to be that I agree to what He did and I accept it with understanding, with the right feeling, that this is what I need to build a new degree on top of it, a new relation to Him. So I am happy that I do not have high spirits in my egoistic desires. I do not have a special feeling when I get up, that I am happy when I wake up in the morning filled with spirit. No, instead the Creator prepared this emptiness for me , and from this I need to start rising to faith above reason. And if we begin the day in such a way, then we begin from the darkness we received from the Creator, and we accept it correctly. This is what we can call beginning a new spiritual degree, so let us read what our teachers tell us.
Excerpt 12 Reader (4:53 - 5:14)
2. R. People think that the day of the Lord means shining from one end of the world to the other, everything is clear. No, it is not like that. The day begins from the night.
Reader continues “the thing is those who await the day of the Lord...” (5:25 - 5:38)
3. A day means that faith above reason shines and this is the feeling of darkness.
Reader continues “That faith will be so strong...” (5:48 - 6:04)
4. By giving us a chance to develop the power of faith, power of bestowal, the light of Hassidim, and in that light we will discover Him according to equivalence of form.
Reader continues (6:20 - 6:40)
4A. R. Where we don't see, where we feel ourselves in darkness, helplessness, disorientation like people at night, specifically there we have to understand that we are getting the right conditions to approach faith, to approach bestowal, to rise above the doubts and the darkness and let them stay, as without them we cannot build a spiritual degree which is always built on top of darkness, lack of understanding, lack of feeling, no orientation, on top of it them we build the degree of faith or the spiritual degree which is always built on top of darkness, lack of understanding, lack of feeling, no orientation and on top of that we build the degree of faith, the spiritual degree..
Reader continues (7:33 - 8:14)
5.R. In other words he is not certain, that the person's mind, reason in his ordinary vessels, he does not see, not to feel, it is to the contrary, darkness, doubt, concealment is coming and above it above he builds a relation to the Creator, the good that does good, and build the power of faith, otherwise we cannot come to the quality of the Creator which is faith.
Reader continues (8:52 - 9:07)
6. To such a degree of faith above reason, to be for us completely instead of reason in every way.
Reader continues (9:19 - 9:34)
6A. R. If we come to feel the power of faith as it is written, the world hangs on nothing over darkness, over uncertainty in our regular vessels, in our reason, knowledge, feelings. If we build our relation above the feeling of lack, doubts, emptiness we do not know, we do not understand, if we build above it the relation to the Creator as if He was right in front of us then we will begin to discover on our part the power of bestowal and in the power of bestowal we will discover the spiritual world. It is very, very different from what we are used to in our world to work with our regular vessels of a reception, and this is why this work, it is work that we have to put our mind heart into with time and effort.
Reader reads Excerpt 12 again (10:52 - 11:38)
7. This is called the vessels of reception being under restriction and I do not feel anything in them, they remain in the dark and above them I build above the restriction, I build the screen and the reflected light and I give back to the Creator. I want to be connected to Him specifically this way where I have darkness in my regular vessels, in my will to receive, and above it I turn to him to accept the darkness comes from Him as there is none else besides Him. Then I begin to feel that I am in light, but it is not the light of knowing. It is the light of faith, these are the first degrees of our entry into the spiritual world into the upper world.
Reader continues (12:42 - 14:11)
8. R. This is how the person begins to feel, to discover what is spirituality with what perception, with what vision, what relation, attitude to Nature, which Nature is basically the Creator. How the person has to direct himself to relate himself and then the person starts to discover the Creator. This is revealing the higher world. I hope you will read this excerpt a few times and all these excerpts on faith above reason as they penetrate your feeling, your intellect, your sensations, mind and habits and this way you will relate to every darkness you feel as an invitation to come to the light, to the higher light, to the truly spiritual light, especially by feeling the darkness in our life we get an invitation to the light, to the spiritual day.
9. S. (15:34) What is this attitude we build above the darkness, how can we build it?
R. The darkness, the matter it is as if the Creator is present and was before you revealed and you want to do all the activities towards him in love and bestowal.
S. But what can we do in the feeling of darkness?
R. Darkness is in your Kelim, in your understanding, besides the regular vessels in this world you feel that you have nothing, you don't have high spirit, you don't have any awakening because it does not shines for you in the regular vessels of reception. On the other hand you get some sort of awakening, some illumination and precisely from that state you can begin towards your spiritual degree. Why, by opening these excerpts and then starting to read and they will arrange your relation to life.
S. The actions don't confiscate the feelings in relation to the connection, building some attitude, the fact that I'm acting out from the feeling of darkness?
R. What actions do you do out of feeling darkness?
S. For example, connection with the friends?
R. You do it above the darkness even if you feel darkness and that you don't want to do anything, still I do perform acts of bestowal and then they lead you to the first spiritual degree above.
S. How do these actions build an attitude to the Creator?
R. Because I do it in order to resemble Him.
S. Where do I have the ability to grasp what it means to resemble Him?
R. This is why you do what the Kabbalists write, to make your desire like His, you connect with the friends and through the friends you turn to Him, you begin to ask, to pray that He would give you the power of bestowal between ourselves first of all, to have the power of bestowal because without it we cannot turn to the Creator and then we ask to give us connection, to give us a mutual bestowal between us, so out of this we could turn to the Creator, and we ask only one thing, to be able to bestow to the Creator. This is the faith, the power of bestowal, above reason, above the will to receive.
S. The bestowal of the 10 to the Creator that necessitates each one to bestow to the friends?
R. It is not that I want to bestow to the friends but I understand that without attaining the power of bestowal I cannot have any contact with the Creator, He does treat me, tend to me from above but I cannot make contact with the Creator without the power of bestowal, without developing bestowal and then I understand I need the friends because only together with them can I acquired the power of bestowal between us, and then out of this I can turn to the Creator.
S. Why after already having this power of bestowal, then we turn to the Creator again, this is not clear, the moment He gives us the power of giving, we turn to Him again?
R. It is not enough to establish some power of bestowal between ourselves because we also need to direct it to the source, to the Creator.
S. What is this lack which develops when they already have the power of bestowal in the ten, what kind of lack do we bring to the Creator?
R. Precisely towards the ten I do not have any desire to develop, I have a desire to feel, discover the Creator from the point in the heart, but towards the friends I do not have any desires, rather I engage in connection with the friends in order to come to such a relation to the Creator.
S. Ok so if I pray to the Creator to give me the power of bestowal in the ten, this is already bestowal to the Creator the request itself?
R. I don't really understand you, I have to come to connection with the friends, through the power of connection with the friends and develop, feel what is bestowal between us and then with this force, the power of bestowal we direct ourselves to the Creator we want to give to Him.
S. This is what I don't understand, there is the power of bestowal between us, we ask for this from the Creator, and then we say that over this we also turn to Him?
R. The special power of bestowal which we build together, out of this we can turn to the Creator.
S. What is the addition, it sounds that everything is closed, done if we bestow to each other?
R. No, when we bestow to each other, we ask from the Creator to have connection between, us but we still don't have the power of bestowal between us, once He established the power of giving between us then out of that within this or together we find the all-inclusive and out of that we can turn to the Creator, only together with the prayer in public, when the whole ten asks as one man with one heart, and turns to the Creator to such an extent to do that, so to have the ability in the ten to bestow to the Creator.
10. S. (22:30) If I understand correctly a person concedes the revelation of the Creator in his five physical senses because he understands it is impossible, but that he does not give up on the revelation of the Creator as the good that does good, through the environment through similarity with Him?
R. Yes.
11. S. (23:06) How can we make sure that in turning to Him from the state of darkness and emptiness, how to make sure that we are not just turning to a more hidden, darker side of myself, how can I make sure that I am truly turning to Him?
R. Bit by bit I begin to attain that the darkness is for my own benefit, so I won't go into the Klipot, shells, so I want to discover the Creator in the darkness, I want to go above the darkness, the darkness will remain in my vessels of reception and above those vessels of reception, above this darkness I build my relation to the Creator which is then built entirely from the desire to bestow and not from the desires to receive.
S. Can we say that this complete agreement, my complete agreement with the state that I do not want to change inside the will to receive I agree with it and this is the examination if I agree with the quality of bestowal?
R. Correct I don't want to change my state I want to build above my state a new relation to the Creator.
12. S. (25:01) When I above each state, above the darkness we build the connection to the Creator with the friends and in the appeal to Him we feel pleasure, in this we feel contentment, fulfillment, how to help that into bestowal to the Creator not just to feel the contentment to the Creator?
R. First of all the fact that we feel good when we are in correct advancement our correct move, it is not a transgression, so it is good. But we have to direct ourselves exactly correctly towards these discernments which I received in my vessels of reception and a discernment I want to achieve above the vessels of reception and in relation to the vessels of bestowal which I want to develop in myself or let the Creator to develop, it doesn't matter, but I am going to relate myself to the friends and to the Creator above my feeling in the vessels of reception. It does not matter if I feel that as darkness or I feel helplessness, insecurity it does not matter, precisely on top of this I learn to relate myself to the friends and to the Creator, that in my vessels of reception I have no foundation for this.
13. S. (26:57) What is common prayer, how can we be sure that we are doing it?
R. We are doing a workshop and scrutinize the situation, we talk about it among ourselves and then check if we can come to an agreement, to some common ground, to common perception of reality in terms of what's happening to us, and how together we can connect and turn to the Creator, it all comes from the workshop, from within the workshop.
14. S. (27:54) It is written that one does not seek to reveal the Creator, that He leads the world as good that does good, as this is within the mind and the faith, goes against the reason so then we go to the group then we pray that when the person needs something...?
R. This has nothing to do with dissemination, I do not want to listen, it is not related to dissemination, how can we explain it to the lower ones as I explained to you something you have no idea about, I have to relate to the external public the same be like to a newborn baby, the baby doesn't know, understands anything just lives, just to grow adds another kilo of flesh, another kilo of flesh again, and the little bit of intellect to move itself and nothing else. If you disseminate then you have to understand to whom you are going and how we're going, it's better not to go otherwise. Besides why now we are speaking about spiritual degrees which we have to get into, and you are speaking about dissemination, which is completely opposite, how can those two things be together in you? What kind of confusion do you have, just think about it. I'm not just saying it to you but to the other people as well, and I am deliberately answering it in this aggressive way, so you understand that these things totally don't go together. When we disseminate to regular people we don't talk about faith about reason we talk about how to come out of the problems of this world that the cure for the world is the connection between us and we will learn about it more, especially we will learn in the article of The Peace in the World, and what we will acquire among us is for our situation and up, and not from us down.
15. S. (30:35) Can you explain a bit more the matter of not having difference between faith and knowledge within reason?
R. No, right now I cannot explain this, it is not like there would be no difference, it is that, there would be no difference in the power, that the faith also has to be no less than knowledge, but in truth it is far more than knowledge. Because the power of faith, the power of bestowal is an unlimited power and the power of knowledge, reason, the physical knowledge is bounded, it is limited by our intellect which is very small.
16. S. (31:48) Often we say that we don't want to change our situation but only exploit it to build a faith above reason, so how is it here, it is not clear how do we not want to change but we are going to use it?
R. I don’t want what I feel now and I know that this is what I received from The Creator, I don't want to ask to change the situation, rather I want to build on top of it the spiritual state. So that every state I am in in my life if I could, I would build above every single physical moment a spiritual state. Because this is what it will be like in the future, because this world, all this situation, this theatre which we are seemingly in and it is unfolding in front of us, this stage of our life it was all given to us only so we build above it above each scene, each feeling, the right relation to the Creator.
17. S. (33:21) What is the best way of using each darkness, seeing each darkness as an invitation of the light into the group?
R. In each feeling I have, I first of all I want to attach myself to the ten, and I want to arrange the right connection between us that we are all together, nullifying ourselves and with that we rise to the degree of Bina. I have to nullify myself before everyone, connect to all, bestow to all in the group, inside the ten, then I already elevate myself. I prepare to rise above a reason, and out of the group, once I did it together with the group I try to do it to the Creator, that's it, this is how we work.
18. S. (35:04) We feel the invitation through the darkness through external problems but then we start to feel the invitation from the darkness as an inner lack rather than some external thing?
R. Yes, when we come to the state where our direction is spiritual, towards faith above reason, then the state of darkness will be also be far worse, far more real and darker, more disconnection from spirituality will be more and more, because we will be able to sustain ourselves to remain in contact with the Creator, so He is bringing the darkness to us.
19. S. (36:18) Returning to the state what you described, when we want certain kinds of bestowal to the ten then we come to a collective prayer, so as assistance from above, then the feeling of darkness is given to us collectively from above before we reach the collective prayer in this state?
R. Everything depends on the state.
S. But the help from above is it always a feeling of darkness?
R. The beginning of the degree is darkness and from there we begin.
S. Can we say that when we achieved a common force of bestowal then that's the entry into Ibur, conception and then we pray together from the next feeling of darkness and this is the spiritual birth?
R. It is very far from Ibur, conception, it's is very far, you always want to jump ahead and give definitions from the wisdom of Kabbalah to states which are not even in spirituality yet and this is why I am very strongly against this. Because it leads to great confusion this is not spirituality yet, this is just an entry to spirituality, thus we are not determining spiritual forces yet in the person.
19. S. (37:54) You spoke about how we need to ask not to change the state itself, but to ask the Creator to be above the state, on the other hand before the lesson we raise a prayer for all the sick friends to get healthy and you said when you were sick your teacher told you to raise a prayer to be above the illness. So, then we are supposed to be above the state, what states are we talking about, the physical state or inner impressions related to the group or the Creator?
R. This is all the same in us right now we can't yet distinguish, we have to determine this in general in all the states that we feel. I am not talking about a spiritual or physical, but what we feel, we tried to build above them through the connection between us our relation to the Creator that He gave us the state, so we shouldn't be confused we should be as simple as possible.
20. S. (39:32) In the feeling of darkness is there room to work with criticism?
R. From where would you have a criticism, about the darkness, about the Creator, about yourself, about the friends? But this is all on the physical level, it is written that you have to connect among yourselves and together read, learn, talk about what you need to do in the current state. Now a new degree is beginning, a new day, this is called wanting to achieve the state of mutual bestowal between you and bestowal from you to the Creator, this is the new day and the darkness remains, and on top of the darkness we build the state of day and it will become degrees, darkness, light, darkness, light, days, nights and years.
21. S. (40:49) When I find myself more in darkness then I can be more in bestowal?
R. Being in darkness it doesn't mean that you can be in bestowal, but the more you have darkness, concealment, it is a sign that you have in front of you an opportunity to build a bigger state of faith above reason.
22. S. (41:27) How to correctly connect in our spiritual work the theatre of the physical world?
R. On top of it you have to build a spiritual theatre.
23. S. (41:47) If I see that the friends are speaking incorrectly, I feel in them some deficiency, is it right to ask the Creator to change my vision to see them corrected, great, that I ask for the Creator to change my vision, is it correct?
R. Of course, you have to ask for it all the time, you have to accept the world around you as perfect, all who faults, faults through one's own deficiencies.
S. We often speak about the prayer of many, so is there room for this prayer when I want to see only their good qualities so ask my vision to be changed?
R. What are you asking, so ask the Creator, if you feel this way that you feel deficiencies in the friends, then ask from the Creator to change your relation to the friends.
24. S. (43:00) It is not clear that if in the beginning of the degree, the evening, the darkness, is it only a personal feeling for the person, or is it the collective sensation in the group?
R. We are in all kinds of different states, perhaps everyone is feeling this way the others don't, it is all determined from above.
S. Do I need to bring my personal sensation of darkness and combine it in the ten?
R. I don't need to bestow to them my darkness, we have to give each other strength, whatever we are receiving, whatever every one receives, we receive it from the Creator in order to connect between us in all the various states, because they are all different Sephirot in the Partzuf and we have to connect in a way that all in all, all our desires are aimed at the Creator to give us a power of bestowal. So the power of bestowal fills the relationships between us and we receive this from Him in the state where I come to the and societyI ask only one thing, let us connect, let us ask from You the power of bestowal, power of connection and then in this way we turn to Him.
S. Let's say that I'm reading an excerpt from Rabash which explains about how to turn to the friends? I want to see how to take this reading and how to correct me as an individual integrating into the ten, as Rabash only writing about the moment when we become a single ten?
R. So I get up in the morning and I'm a bit foggy, I don't have the connection and I automatically turn to something that helps me to reach a physical connection with the ten.
S. Ok, so I need to take what Rabash and Baal HaSulam write and see how to work with this excerpt and make first contact with the ten or only after have received the same connection with the ten, then I feel from them from what Baal HaSulam and Rabash are telling us, what to do?
R. No, those are things which you cannot speak with them about such things so specifically you will see how these states and those states work.
S. In every situation we can use what they write?
R. In every situation we have to reach connection, it doesn't mean we are in the same state or similar states, as each one has their own root of the soul and the most important is that love covers all the crimes, that connection to rules over all the differences the mutual power of bestowal and that we ascribe to the Creator.
25. S. (46:28) If a person feels darkness, emptiness towards the group, the group looks lowly, is this correct, the relation to the group becomes less important and one feels emptiness?
R. This is not right, this is wrong, I need to understand that my advancement, my engine, my leverage, my instrument with which I advance, it is the group. If I do not connect them together, if I do not advance together with them to the next state, then there is no next state and it could be a prayer to the Creator, it could be each and everything that I want to change something, do something, find some orientation, it is all through the connection with the group. The connection in the group is the beginning of each and every spiritual action and each time we have to make sure, we have to care for the connection between this first of all and then from the connection starts the spiritual action. How else do you imagine any spiritual action if there is no Partzuf, how?
S. The Creator reveals the darkness, emptiness and then I try to include it in the ten?
R. Yes, it is correct, you with your emptiness enter the group, maybe the group needs this emptiness, but first you need to integrate in the group and from the group you reach the Creator. Otherwise you do not have anything to reach Him with, it is the problem that each wants to individually connect to the higher force without establishing connection between us, meaning generating the power of bestowal between us to a minimal degree that we wants to build, and from that the reach some similarity with the Creator and from there one can turn to Him.
26. S. (49:10) When we gather in the ten we meet before going to sleep, together we pray to the Creator, we can pray from gratitude, should we here already evoke a deficiency or invite the darkness, how should we work with this?
R. No no no, we are not inviting any darkness, this is not natural for me to invite the darkness, I can awaken the darkness by yearning for the light. By me exploiting the situation now when I have a contact with the Creator, together with the friends in society in the ten, and together with the Creator as much as possible, I have to extract from it some benefit, some scrutiny, some mutual bestowal and when I am done with it, then the degree of darkness comes to me, as it comes from the Creator he takes care of us this way.
S. What we are looking for is what is the best way to go to rest and to wake up with the biggest possible deficiency for the lesson, so we should end our day together with asking for the next degree of connection?
R. If you are in such a state already, when you're capable of doing that all of you, then it doesn't have to relate to our night and darkness where we end of the day and go to sleep when we completed everything this is also spiritual sleep and rising is also spiritual morning, it doesn't have to relate exactly. In a single day you can go through several years, many days and night in spiritual sense as it is written it has to be new to you, so don't think necessarily that this is how it happens. But appropriate to our situation, people who are at the beginning of the spiritual ladder climbing to faith above reason, these people do actually feel that when they wake up and we have talked about it before, that when they wake up they have to examine themselves how do they get up, why they woke up this way, why do I get this feeling and that feeling and how do I need to relate to it and so on. It is not necessary that you say that the astronomical day and the spiritual day or nights are the same.
Excerpt 13 Reader (52:54 - 54:03)
27. R. It is called unconditional surrender, meaning we accept each and every state that comes to me, I accept it gladly, I have to bring myself to a state where it is not important for me what feeling I receive each and every moment, because if it comes from the Creator it must be good. It is good not only because it is for my own benefit, but it is good because it comes from the Creator and I do not need anything else. So I am always glad in each and every state I accept it with joy and gladness and I don't conduct any criticism because I am always under His rule. The difference between me and being in the feeling that I am receiving each state from the Creator and what the common person feels when he is connected to the Creator, is that I feel concealment, I feel that the Creator is hidden. With this I do not want Him to be revealed it is to the contrary I have to maintain the concealment myself, so I make a restriction, screen, I do not want to allow Him to reveal in me openly, I don't want the Creator to be revealed. I only want to ask from Him to be above all the disruption, to have the power of faith so to be above all the disruptions which the Creator generates, I will try to repeat this.
Excerpt 13 again (56:37 - 57:45)
28. R. That if I know that every single moment I am receiving from the Creator, I am receiving my life, my status, my situation, my feeling. He establishes all of that in me, He Himself, then it doesn't matter to me what I have, just the fact that I'm receiving this from Him should bring me a feeling of joy and correct orientation in life. So this is how I shape my attitude towards the Creator where the main thing is to never separate from faith, from the fact that I'm not receiving knowledge. The knowledge that indeed this comes from the Creator, the Creator is doing this that I don't want this as a known fact. I want it to remain in me as the degree of faith where this is what I think. I don't ask the Creator to be revealed because when he will be revealed I will lose the power of faith. Whereupon I will remain on the degree of a beast, of an animal, in the inanimate, vegetative and animal degrees the upper force is revealed guiding them in every moment of their existence, whereas I want only the power of faith. So it is not clear to me, it is not factual, that I don't see the facts of it, but rather want an opportunity to tie myself to the Creator and so I begin to acquire that force of the bestowal which is called the spiritual force, the upper force, the upper power. In such a way I gradually begin to climb from this world up to the upper world, meaning to live in the power of bestowal, not in the power of knowing as it is in our world. This is the difference between the two worlds, I'm trying to explain it even though it's impossible, difficult to explain perhaps to orient all of you more correctly, it is not such a problem for you to be confused with this. If you read all of the verses that we have here on the subject of work in faith above reason you will see that there will be verses that will speak about you, those which don't exactly speak about you , there are lots of materials that can be used to establish our proper grass and orientation with respect to spirituality.
29. S. (1:01:23) The feeling is the willingness to completely relinquish knowledge, control, this is what gives us the highest knowledge and control correct?
R. It may be.
30. S. (1:01:48) How can I keep my vessels of reception so that the Creator will not be revealed there, how can I maintain that?
R. He is not revealed, you maintain them in order to not demand revelation from the Creator, you want to reach Him to bestow upon the group and that he won't bestow upon anything upon you except for the power of bestowal, to bestow.
31. S. (1:02:26) The state where it's not important to you what you're going through, darkness, fear, a person hasn't entered the spiritual world, is this a transitional phase, how do you explain or feel what you just spoke about?
R. We don't fear revealing the Creator, for the time being, beyond that, that's not for now, we don't feel any fear to discover the Creator, we have to understand to begin with it is revealed only in the ten and if a person individually wants to discover it that is a Klipa, a shell, it is the will to receive, the revelation of the Creator is only in the quality of bestowal which is existing when we turn to the Creator through the ten, from the ten. Otherwise we are not in equivalence of form with Him, and He is not revealed. So the situation is kept under guard let us say, we reach mutual connection and bestowal between us and then we will be able to turn to the Creator correctly, don't worry, of course along the way we will have further scrutinies, ascents, descents, doubts but it is taking form. This is how it takes form and regardless we have to understand that we have to receive qualities from the upper world which is unrelated to our world or to this whole reality in general. To everything that we have in the whole universe, we don't have such qualities. We need to establish them gradually by ourselves and mainly we do this through the connection between us.
32. S. (1:05:00) Does this mean that we don't you yearn to know?
R. We don't yearn for knowledge like in our world but rather we yearn for the quality of bestowal and connection.
33. S. (1:05:27) Why do I need to be in gladness when a situation is revealed, I don't see that it came to do good to me right away but only in retrospect so what is to be happy about in the beginning?
R. I am walking with the friends towards the Creator, towards the equivalence of form, spiritual closeness and that needs to fill me with joy.
Excerpt 14 Reader (1:06:15 - 1:07:20)
34. R. That is what usually takes place for us, in us, I reach a state of desperation, I don't know I don't understand I don't feel anything, later I tell myself so what if I don't have any of it, so I don't have it, I won't have it and I don't need it. I need to reach spirituality and not selfish fulfillment and so from this state of darkness I reach the light, but it is not the same light that I yearn for during the darkness, rather a new light, a light of bestowal. Then I yearn for the light of Hochma, now I yearn for the light of Hassadim.
Excerpt 14 again Reader (1:08:08 - 1:09:05)
https://kabbalahmedia.info/lessons/cu/SITyENW8?language=en&mediaType=video