http://files.kabbalahmedia.info/download/files/eng_t_rav_2013-11-29_program_haim-hadashim_n264.mp4

A Talk With Rav

A New Life

Talks on Parenting

Talk 264

Oren: Hello to you all, thanks for being with us here in “New Life”, the series of educational discussions with Rav Laitman.

Dr. Laitman: Hello everyone

Oren: Hello Nitzah Mazoz.

Nitzah: Hello.

Oren: Hello to you too. And today we want to study how we can advance in life; how we understand that in order to advance in life, we need to advance the ability of connection to all those that are not us. There’s us and there are people around us, close and far, all kinds of circles. And if we will be able to learn how we can understand and advance our connection in a positive and mutual way to them, we’ll probably find ourselves in a new life; that will be our goal. And each time we are trying to learn another thing and how we can improve the interrelations between us. Be with us, there will be a lot what to take. Nitzah, after you.

Nitzah: So, we are in a parenting course in the course of sexuality and coupling and family life and we want to learn how to educate our children in the right way, from the moment that they are born and to develop them in the developmental process which is natural. In the previous program, you talked about four stages of development in human beings which are called still, vegetative, animate, and speaking.

Dr. Laitman: In the human being and human society; in humans and human society.

Nitzah: And we understood that we are in a state, a stage of development between the third and the fourth state, between the animal and speaking, and this can only occur in awareness, in a conscious way, in educational; it can’t happen alone like it happened so far; naturally/instinctively that nature developed us, and we are exactly in this place. And you explained very well - like a fruit that came to a state of fruition, of ripeness, and if it’s not picked it starts rotting. We see that also, that the process of rotting occurs very quickly compared to the growth and development; rotting happens right away. I think that there’s no one that can’t identify. We feel it, we see it, that our society is rotten; our systems are rotten. There’s an agreement on this completely. And now, through this education really, for sexuality, for the right relations between the sexes, we would like to build this process in the right way.

In the previous time, you spoke about how as a first step, a boy, a child, or a human needs to understand and make a certain discernment in relation to the forces and the impulses that awaken in him. If earlier, it awakened in him naturally, it just managed him without the head taking a part in it. It just happened. Now, you are saying, a certain impulse arises in me – a certain desire- and my head needs to understand what is this impulse that awakened in me and to see how I somehow learn to manage it.

Dr. Laitman: Yes.

Nitzah: To control it in such a way that it will be correct. So, maybe we will even look as a first exercise, I see as a parent that already pays attention that in my young child, a certain curiosity develops and these basic sexual impulses start to awaken. How do I help him develop in the best way so he will start to receive this new attitude and start thinking from the head?

Dr. Laitman: If we are talking as far as the sexual development that’s in human beings, I would say as such. That first of all, each and every one, also in his life, in his short life, also goes through stages of still, vegetative, and animate, and speaking of human beings. And each is born in such a way that he is truly nothing from himself and later starts to live and grow and so on. The problem is, that if we are already in the period of the general development which is called the degree of speaking/the degree of man in us/ of human being in us, the human in us is one who knows correctly how to connect with the environment; with Nature, the still, vegetative and animate, and to other human beings. That we need in this, to teach a child first of all, the right connection towards the whole environment, the whole surroundings, all that’s happening, so he will connect to it in a good way, a nice way, a beneficial way. So he will be connected to all that’s around him in a way that is good for him with them, with everyone- still, vegetative animate, and humans - and it’s good for them with him. A human is none of us. Each of us is the degree of animate; a beast.

Oren : What do you mean, beast?

Dr. Laitman: A beast; meaning that he is not managing himself, but rather all kinds of impulses and forces that develop him. But the human in us, we need to build, by the right connection with the environment. Meaning, I can’t be a human, and no one. Rather, human is called the connection between me and those that are similar to me. Those that are similar to me. Meaning to be a human is to be at least connected with someone else in the right, mutual way, as I am as considerate with what he has as I am with what I have.

And it’s not, it doesn’t belong to, or has nothing to do with the connection in the family or in closeness, but rather above all the previous stages of connection. Meaning, I need to rise above my ego and to be connected to others in such a way that they are important to me, like I am important to myself. Truly like that; or even more than that. Because to be considerate of others is called “as I am considerate right now of myself more than I am to others, now I need to be connected to others and to be connected to them more than I am connected to myself”.

Oren: Why?

Dr. Laitman: It’s called equal.

Oren: I didn’t understand.

Dr. Laitman: If now, I am considerate of myself more than anything in the world, I need to receive an education, an attitude towards others, that they are more important to me. This is called equal; to relate to others in equality to how I relate to myself.

Oren: I didn’t understand.

Dr. Laitman: There’s I, and there’s all the others.

Oren: I relate to myself as the most important. Naturally.

Dr. Laitman: Yes, naturally.

Oren: Until here, I understood.

Dr. Laitman: Now you need to come to a state in which you need to search how to find ways to be, to relate to others more than you relate to yourself.

Oren: But, why?

Dr. Laitman: Because then it will be equal.

Oren: Equal between what and what?

Dr. Laitman: Equal between you. As you relate to others like you relate to yourself.

Oren: I still can’t grasp that. I am the most important. So far I am with you, that’s clear, that’s natural.

Dr. Laitman: No, I’m saying like this: to be a human is called to be connected to others. What is it to be connected? Learn from yourself. How are you connected to yourself? You’re connected to yourself in such a way that the whole world is simply one penny and not even not that, compared to your importance.

Oren: That I am more than everything?

Dr. Laitman: Yes.

Oren: That’s clear.

Dr. Laitman: Now I’m telling you the human being is called, that you are connected to others like to yourself, where everyone is equal, everyone is connected in an equal way together. Together is called, that we are all in a mutual connection. How to be in mutual connection? As I am concerned for others, I care for others more than I care for myself. Because now for the time being, I care for myself more than to others.

Nitzah: If I understand correctly, it’s like we need to copy it from one side to the other. Meaning now if I’m the most important, now I need to take the same attitude to develop towards the other side in order to come in the end to that they are more important.

Dr. Laitman: Yes. I am a desire to enjoy. And you are a desire to enjoy. I am taking your desire to enjoy and work my whole, all that is in me, all of my inclinations, all my essence in order to fill you, and you, with all your inclinations and all your desires, are working in order to fill my desires and my deficiencies. That’s it. I place myself at your service and you place yourself at my service.

Oren: This is called that you’re connected?

Dr. Laitman: This is called that we’re connected. Each works on the other. Then there’s a connection.

Oren: Never the less, she is not more important than me.

Dr. Laitman: I’m explaining to you what is called the degree of Adam; of human, the corrected, the connected to everyone with all of humanity let’s say, that is receiving such a form. This is what nature is leading us to and until we reach that, we will see each time, more and more problems, blows, lacks, crises and so on. Because this is the right form that needs to occur; but we need to reach this form in our awareness, in our standing, which is called effort, in our work, which is called the internal work, the spiritual work because it’s the spirit of man. The spirit of man which comes and rises above and the spirit of beast that goes downwards.

Nitzah: What’s the difference?

Dr. Laitman: What’s the difference? I understood you. The difference is in that the spirit of the beast is called that I am caring for myself and what belongs to me; it’s going down towards myself. My head is all in order to just care for myself and the spirit of man comes from and rises above. It’s called that I am caring for others and I live in others and then I discover that all that attitude of mine towards others, builds for me a completely new plane of livelihood and of feelings.

I start to feel each and every one because I connect in order to fill them, to serve them. So already I start to understand that what I have in me, it’s all in all, a certain instrument, a machine, in order to fulfill other needs in others. I become truly a mean in order to fill all of humanity. And that’s how each and every one is.

There’s here, no more than a psychological barrier, as after I start to grasp this and feel this, I start to discover a developmental ability which is endless, in that the more and more I connect with human beings, I start to discover that I have the ability to fill them. I have the ability to relate to them in a new manner and all the abundance goes through me and I fill them.

We enter into a different interrelationship of forces and the forces that fill each other, forces that are connected to each other, and then we build the image of one man, one human in all of us. This one image, this one desire, and in this desire there are many, many individualistic desires that all want to fill each other like cells in one body. And then we come to a certain special form of the new humanity where everyone is called as one man in one heart.

And then as I receive a certain sight, a certain understanding, and education, I join into this all that is in me, all the impulses, all the desires, all the different things, including sex, and then I follow this new head. And then it’s not difficult for me because behind all that is suitable and beneficial for this new development, where I will live in everyone, I use all my degrees – still, vegetative, and animate- in all my impulses. And that’s it. And then I don’t have a problem; this kind of sex, that kind. Such impulses are such impulses; as long as it’s for the benefit of others.

Nitzah: Let’s do a little bit of a thing, if I understood it correctly. So until this stage of our development of ours, the maximum that we’ve come in the awareness is to understand myself. What does it mean to understand myself? Let’s see what psychology does; it checks what are the impulses that grow in me, the desires, my longings, my aspirations and my mind uses them only to fill those impulses and desires. That’s how my mind actually works.

Dr. Laitman: All our sciences are only in order to fill ourselves - biology, zoology, chemistry, physics, it doesn’t matter what- they are all how to receive, how to enjoy, because this is how also materials work in such a way. Yes? Each and every one, how to attract, how to draw, how to benefit, even from the degree of atoms and molecules and so on.

Nitzah: And this is called self-awareness, let’s say. What is self-awareness? That I’m searching inwards how everything works like that in the degree of animal.

Dr. Laitman: Yes.

And you really call this the animalistic or beastly degree. Now, in the new degree, if I understand correctly, I’m starting to feel the impulses in your desires.

Dr. Laitman: You’re starting to build a system of connection, a net of connection, between humans. And you say this new net of connection of all of humans with each other, in order to fill mutually each other, this net is called the degree of human. As this degree human, is not in any human being, but between everyone, between us. It’s something virtual; it’s not in there, but we according to our lives, our beasts, we want to rise to the degree of Adam, please, of human, please, be as one man and then you will be called human.

Nitzah: So, how does this work out? You draw a picture now that it’s all between us and earlier you said that you’re filling my desires and I’m filling yours.

Dr. Laitman: Yes.

Nitzah: So how’s it between us, mine is yours and yours is mine? I, first of all, I need to fill your desires?

Dr. Laitman: You will never be able to fill your desires on your own and also I can’t fill my desires. Maximum, I can enter into despair and if we start to fill truly the desires of others we start to feel that there is in nature, in this degree of connection between us, a special force which supplies the fulfillment for us, that we can fill.

Nitzah: But it felt like you gave me another kind of leaping board here, a jumping board here. First on the previous degree I understood that my way is not to fill my desires and the impulses that awaken in me, but to start feeling others. The sensation of the connection is that I start to feel the other. And then all of a sudden you start to talk about this net of connection which is already between us. So, I kind of got confused. If I need to fill your desires...

Dr. Laitman: Mine – that’s called connection. And I’m filling yours.

Nitzah: So what’s this connection between us?

Dr. Laitman: That for everyone, between everyone, that each will try to fill the others. They feel first of all their deficiencies and then to fill them. Just like we do this in technology in such a way; in connection. Just like in our body. Only here, it’s done, we’re building the same thing that happens inside a healthy body, in every system – biology, zoology, physiological, it doesn’t matter what – the same net of connection but only it’s in us, it’s in our awareness, in our desires and we are building it despite our egotistical nature, despite the previous level, of the animate level, and we come to the degree of speaking.

Oren: Meaning we see, meaning we check the desires of the others. You’re saying what? To find what is flawed in them?

Dr. Laitman: Yes, what the other wants. And it works out that as I start to enter such a society, a mutual society that is supporting each other, so what does each want? Each wants to fill the others. So, I help her fill others, and she helps me to fill the others and this is how everyone is.

What happens between us is that we actually only help each other, support each other. We don’t have with what to fill each other, but in the attitude that we have, in the relations between us we only develop these connections.

That each used to be isolated from each other, existing inside himself, the animal/human, and now we are willing to give each other all the fulfillments. This willingness, this readiness that we’re opening these paths of filling each and every one the other, we’re building this net of connection and this net of connection fills with some new sensation, with some new Light.

Oren: With what?

Dr. Laitman: This sensation that we receive in the connection between us is called Light. Like the light of the sun, warmth, or of love, of support; but something that we don’t have with what to fill ourselves and we don’t have with what to fill others. But this connection builds a condition that we discover and that in this net the forces of life flow, in the degree of speaking.

Oren: I have a question. When everyone is in this net and this concern and want to be good for others, let’s say I’m one within this net. Let’s say we are three with such a net between us right now. So, we started this story from the fact that naturally my concern is for myself, that I am the most important.

Dr. Laitman: Yes, and above that you are building a connection that he is more important.

Oren: Now, in this net there is a different set of rules, certain laws where everyone concerns for everyone in certain circulation and now I’m coming back now to compare it to the…

Dr. Laitman: And these are the forces and the laws of Bestowal.

Oren: I want to compare between these two pictures. Meaning, who cares for me in this net? Who, if I’m caring for others, who cares for me?

Dr. Laitman: Each and every one; each and every one for everyone, because there is no more or less there is no close or far, every one for every one.

Oren: Meaning in the previous status, I would be concerned for myself and you for yourself and Nitzah for herself. So, in this net, let’s say we are three in this net, I’m caring for you two and you two are caring for me.

Dr. Laitman: Yes.

Oren: So, it works out that I added to myself more concerns, but on the other hand I also received a bigger number of people who are concerned for myself; two instead of one.

Dr. Laitman: So, if we were ten, you would be ten instead of one. As much as you have gathered concerns for yourself, that’s how much you receive from your self- support.

Oren: What’s more? Meaning, what do I have more? Concerns, or concerning people who are concerned for me?

Dr. Laitman: It’s the same thing.

Oren: What does that mean?

Dr. Laitman: Because the net is a mutual net, it’s an integral net. As long as it is exiting above my ego and the main thing is to exit from my ego and to start relating to others.

Oren: What is my ego that I need to exit?

Dr. Laitman: My self-concern.

Oren: The main thing is to exit my self-concern and to start being concerned for others?

Dr. Laitman: Yes. The main thing is to open between us, these pipes of connection and then we will discover in these pipes that we don’t cut or block with our ego, each closing himself and cutting everything and builds some walls. The moment you open these connections, these channels, you enliven this system of connection, this system of correct connection in the right communication, you start to discover that the moment you open this system, it is alive. You discover there a flow of energy, of warmth, something that enlivens you in the degree of speaking. This system is called the degree of Adam, of human, of the speaking.

Oren: What are you talking about? What is this speaking degree? Why are you calling it the speaking?

Dr. Laitman: Why is it called the degree of speaking?

Oren: Yes. What, is he speaking all of a sudden? What is he saying? Also, now we are speaking, we are all speaking, everything is speaking, is talk.

Dr. Laitman: No. Compared to it, right now you are just going, “moo” compared to his speaking.

Oren: I understood that it is not compared to him. I understood that it is compared to the network of connection between people. Meaning there is an exit from the individual to the collective.

Dr. Laitman: Here the speaking starts.

Oren: What do you mean?

Dr. Laitman: The speaking is about that upper force that you discover in this net which flows between you.

Oren: This is that abundance that you described earlier, this warmth?

Dr. Laitman: Yes. It’s this awareness of the new degree that you are now discovering; which is a degree above the body, above the concerns for themselves that they are called body.

Oren: I didn’t understand.

Dr. Laitman: Above my self-concern, all your concerns for yourself that are still, vegetative, and animate are degrees and concerns that exist in nature.

Oren: I didn’t understand at all, that sentence. My concerns for myself…

Dr. Laitman: Let me please. Please. In our world, there are three types of creatures, still, vegetative and animate and the one that goes on two feet; this is what we call the most developed creature in the degree of animate.

Now we are moving to another degree which is called the degree of the speaking. That is how it is called for the time being. Later we will scrutinize why it is called that way. The degree of speaking is a completely different degree. It’s not that all of the inclinations, desires and thoughts of this human of this world, for the time being, this degree of animate are directed, all his desires are directed inwards for himself, only for my self-benefit. But if he goes and associates them with the benefit of others, inverts himself from himself towards others, in such a way that he connects to others, he builds a net of connection between everyone and not the egotistical one in which each exploits others which is a flawed degree in the degree of animate. This last one that we are now as a fruit that is rotting, but if you start to relate in the opposite way, you build a net, a degree, a new level of connection between those creatures in which they remain themselves within the egotistical level, but above this ego, above what they had previously. They build now despite that a different attitude, a different relation, a relation of bestowal, love, consideration.

This new attitude, as he builds this mutual connection between everyone, is called the degree of speaking. It’s a new degree; it’s opposite all the previous degrees. We need to reach that and therefore in our understanding in our awareness, in our effort from ourselves, nature does not obligate us and compel us to reach it. Rather, it only brings us the sensation of rot in this current state. But in such a way it pushes us to advance to the new state.

Nitzah: Now, into this system, this net of connection that you described right now, I imagined it as a certain kind of a unisex net. We didn’t take into account the plus, minus, male, female.

Dr. Laitman: No. It’s not associated with it.

Nitzah: What’s the part of a couple, of a male and female in a relationship?

Dr. Laitman: Then, I associate to that connection, to that connection for the benefit of the others, also my sex, also my desire for food, sex, family, money, respect, honor, knowledge; I associate it all towards that connection with others.

Oren: What does that mean?

Dr. Laitman: That all that I am capable of giving and doing for the sake of others, I do.

Nitzah: It seems like there is no clear, precise discernment of how we as a couple are good for this net.

Dr. Laitman: First of all, if you will connect between you as a couple, yes, you don’t start with the whole net immediately. You start with one cell and this one cell is a man and a woman together. As we want to influence each other, so I choose let’s say in the new education, in the integral education; this general connection is called integral. So I build according to this approach, this integral approach, also the friends, but even more I chose someone who is suitable for me, to build with her a life cell which is a new way in the degree of animate also, in such a way that we will complete each other to the degree of speaking.

So, I’m looking at the inclinations of man, how much we can benefit each other in the spiritual degree, in the degree of speaking, also in the relations between us, the closest ones, the corporeal relationships; meaning the bodily ones. And then sex becomes a means and not a goal, but rather also at the time that I’m engaged in sex, I’m thinking, I’m directed towards the attainment of the connection, this internal, spiritual connection.

Nitzah: Now, how do I develop let’s say, such an awareness in order to really understand or know who that couple is? Who that partner is?

Dr. Laitman: Education and inner feelings.

Nitzah: Meaning I can understand at the moment at this stage it is clear to me that I will want to get to know a spouse or a couple that is…

Dr. Laitman: It doesn’t need to be too tall or too short; rather he needs to be from the same spiritual type, of the same degree, spiritual degree, so that you will understand each other and complete each other.

Nitzah: Meaning here you are talking about some inner level?

Dr. Laitman: The level is going to be according to the spiritual level.

Nitzah: What does that mean?

Dr. Laitman: As much as we are developed and suitable according to the integral education to this.

Nitzah: Are there levels for that degree of this fourth degree?

Dr. Laitman: Many, many more. They say 125 degrees.

Nitzah: Meaning there are 125 degrees within? And they are all in that degree of awareness which is called the degree of speaking. And they are all talking about connection with others; meaning 125 degrees of connection, to grow as a human, in Adam. It means, well it sounds to me like the human that wants to find a partner for life needs to be more or less at the same level if we are looking at it like that; meaning that he needs to be capable in general to see the level, or to discern it.

Dr. Laitman: Yes.

Oren: There’s something very complex. If I understood right, you said about two degrees of suitability. That one comes above the other. There’s the degree, there’s the level of suitability between them in their corporeal, simple form. I’m sure it has to do with mentality, habits, who knows what, the home she grew up in, and he grew up in and so there’s a certain suitability, that earthly suitability.

Dr. Laitman: No. No. That we don’t need.

Oren: Now in the spiritual level that we are developing? In the degree of man? That whoever is suitable for me to build my life in the degree of animate?

Dr. Laitman: So that you will be able to complete yourself to the degree of speaking. In the process that I go through, in the integral education, in connection with the environment which is a spiritual environment already, this new environment that I am connecting with; as we go through all kinds of exercises, different workshops and so on, and we’re connected to thousands of people maybe all over the world, and different groups that are engaged in this, I start to feel in my inner sensations that there is, let’s say, someone that can be more suitable to me, to my expression for my spiritual connection and development.

I don’t think that it is associated with language, that it’s associated with mentality, that it’s associated with suitability between her mother’s home and my mother’s home; it’s some new spiritual inclination, some internal connection for the closeness between us in the spiritual level. It can be a woman from the other side of the world, truly. And I will feel with her and it’s completely not corporeal and also no sexual attraction; I will feel with her that there is between us, an inner click, but it’s as a result of integral education.

Therefore, also in us, at the degree of animate, not just people starting sex and connection and building a family from a certain age, but after he is mature. I need to be grown up in integral education in order to discern this and to say, “This one is for me.” I can be with her connected in a mutual manner. Yes? In a mutual connection at the degree of human, because as Adam and Eve in that degree, and also in the lowest degrees – animate and vegetative and still.

Oren: I’m trying to understand what I understood and you tell me if I understood you correctly. How old are you, by the way?

Dr. Laitman: Today? I’m young.

Oren: You’re young?

Dr. Laitman: 67 years old.

Oren: So let’s say I will lower myself in the generation. Let’s say I’m your grandson.

Dr. Laitman: Yes.

Oren: And I’m a teenager. And because you are my grandfather, you have a white beard and you’re smart and wise, you’re teaching me, “Listen my grandson, if you want to succeed in life in a big way, not just like a little money, but if you want to get big, you need to develop an ability to exit yourself and to connect to others.”

Dr. Laitman: Yes.

Oren: “And then you’ll live in this net and you’ll have there, abundance and warmth” and all these good things you’ve told us about.

Dr. Laitman: Right.

Oren: Let’s say it like that. From birth, that’s the optimal state. From birth, you grew me as a grandson and I’m with you, flowing.

Dr. Laitman: After you, Grandpa, as we say. I’m not pulling you right now.

Oren: No, no. That’s not important to me right now. I’m already giving you a status, a state. Let’s say that this understanding truly trickled through me and like I said, I am completely absorbed with this high idea that you’ve taught me about. I understand that this is really the most exalted thing in life and also most worthwhile. And I’m telling you, “You know what, Grandpa, you’re truly the best Grandpa in the world; this is how I want to build my life.” So far, I described to you my inner state. Now I’m asking, “Grandpa, Grandpa, as I, in a few years or now or whenever I’ll feel like it, I’ll start to be interested in the beautiful sex, I’ll start to find someone suitable to me.” If I understand the question, you’ll say, “Don’t worry my grandson, you’ll simply feel it.” Did I understand correctly?

Dr. Laitman: Yes. From the fact, the feeling of the general network; being educated in the net, you will have already a way of seeing, eyes, approaches, a perception, all your awareness, everything will be new. You will have an integral perception that you will see everything in a way of how things connect to each other, how they are more beneficial to each other.

Oren: So there’s nothing that is understanding-wise, intellectual that I check or something. You’re saying that you will just feel it, you will just feel. Click. An inner click, and that’s what I want for myself. Right? Meaning I don’t need in a critical way, to look.

Dr. Laitman: No. We develop a vessel of feeling.

Oren: So you are saying that you will feel. I understood. The answer is very clear; very natural. You will feel who is suitable.

Dr. Laitman: That’s how everyone operates also now, but according to a new feeling; a new sense. You are operating right now according to your ego and then you will judge and decide according to the new sense.

Oren: Which is?

Dr. Laitman: Connection with everyone. Now you are operating for the benefit of yourself, the corporeal and beastly, the bodily. So you will operate for the sake of the whole world, the sake of the broad environment. It’s worthwhile for me to connect to it; in order for us to enjoy we will be able to influence as one unit to the whole world in a more beneficial way.

Nitzah: Let’s make a comparison again, because I see that through the comparison I learn the best way. So, let’s say that if now naturally, I feel this click that, you say, we say that “we have chemistry,” but I’m not aware that my chemistry is, that my spouse right now is influenced by my values and something that my environment appreciates, so I think that I’ve received a click, but actually it’s a certain component of influences and yet it’s something very egotistical as you describe it. And that click in the degree of speaking is already a click which is directed towards other values; which are values of love of others and connection and the right connection. Meaning, that’s where the click will come. These are very big differences.

Dr. Laitman: Correct.

Oren: I wanted also to scrutinize, you emphasized earlier…

Dr. Laitman: Meaning everything depends on education, all in all. Education precedes everything. Actually a human doesn’t start doing any action if he is not educated towards it in the right way. That’s how he kind of stops himself.

Oren: You emphasized earlier that you recommend to me as a grandson to feel who is suitable to me according to that perception of the world that you’re teaching me of connection and for the benefit of others and to choose according to that and not according to my sexual attraction. And I wrote here, even to emphasize, “Not according to my sexual attraction”. What did you want to say when you said, not according to the sexual attraction?

Dr. Laitman: I’m putting you into the integral education from the youngest age; from 2 to 3 years old and onwards. It’s like a kindergarten in such an education; and later, in school. In all the education that you go through that you learn together with this, the main thing that you engage in is how to be connected correctly to all human beings. The main thing is to build in you, the integral perception of the world; that the world is all one, that nature is one, that we are operating within this one. And we need to be connected between us and to all of nature like a fetus is in the walls of the womb. That’s how we need to be connected.

As you receive such an education, this education turns into your nature. Habit becomes your second nature, this is something that you are born with, this version that you grow up with, you can’t look at the world any other way. When you are already like that, accordingly, naturally in this new way, not in the nature of reception that you had in the degree of beast but in this new degree that you are now a human, according to your new nature, now you, according to this nature, choose all kinds of things and do all kinds of things.

Same thing towards sex, you can’t already relate to something in any other way other than how it benefits the general system. That’s what I am preparing for you as a grandfather for his grandson.

Oren: What about the attraction, the sexual attraction?

Dr. Laitman: You use it if it awakens.

Oren: What do you mean if it awakens? Won’t it awaken in me? What am I?

Dr. Laitman: I don’t think so. Sexual attraction, I don’t think that it will awaken.

Oren: Listen, what won’t awaken? Maybe we’re not talking about the same thing.

Dr. Laitman: What you are talking about right now. Yes? It is not called natural sexual attraction. If we were to talk about 300 or 500 or 1000 years ago, then there were normal, regular sexual attractions. Today, it’s already all warped; meaning a desire like you have, a desire for food, sex, family, money, respect, control and education, so one of those desires is a desire for sex. It will be in such a way that you will be able to use it also in order to increase your connection to the general system.

Oren: What does that mean?

Dr. Laitman: That you now will also choose someone that is suitable to you for connection to everyone, to the general system also with help of one of your impulses, desires which is called sex.

Oren: How will it come to expression?

Dr. Laitman: As I take a woman that I have an attraction towards, just sexual with a female, a natural one just like I want to eat or drink, so I want that too.

Oren: That’s clear, yes, so thank God I have, a healthy son you have Grandpa.

Dr. Laitman: Yes. So now I have an opportunity also by it, by this impulse this not new inclination, this natural inclination, to connect myself in the right way with someone in order to connect us together to the whole system. I use it in a way that, how should we say, I relate to it in a way that I am building by this desire, a connection in order to bestow to the generality of the system.

Nitzah: Meaning that if earlier, all my impulses served a certain goal, now my goal is different so now I need to take all these impulses so that they will serve the new goal.

Dr. Laitman: Correct.

Nitzah: Meaning I don’t annul them or cancel them out.

Dr. Laitman: No. I just use them for a new goal.

Nitzah: There was a goal x now there is a goal y.

Dr. Laitman: Yes certainly. And I feel pleasure in this. But what pleasure do I feel? I feel a spiritual pleasure in the fact that by this connection at the degree of animate, I’m reaching general bestowal in the degree of speaking.

Nitzah: It sounds like a double pleasure even. It’s not only that it doesn’t cancel it, but it adds a part that is even greater.

Dr. Laitman: 620 times.

Nitzah: What is 620 times? Meaning the intensities of the pleasure in that place?

Dr. Laitman: The pleasure from the coupling, 620 times if we rise from the degree of animate to the degree of speaking. It’s worthwhile.

Nitzah: It sounds interesting to me.

Oren: Tell me Grandpa, if you already know everything, I have the sensation that you know everything, so maybe explain to me as a grandson, what is this all?

Dr. Laitman: Explain that to you?

Oren: Yes, I’m with you, I want you to be my Grandpa; we’re going to sign the forms at the end of the program. If you could explain to me, this natural impulse that awakens in me, and then you feel a general attraction towards the other sex?

Dr. Laitman: Yes. That I have. Just like a youth that starts to feel it at the age of 10, 11, 12.

Oren: Yes. That’s what I wanted to ask already because I already got a wise Grandpa. What happens to me? What awakens in me? What’s this impulse? What happened all of a sudden that in the previous years if I remember it to be someone smart who is processing himself and scrutinizing himself? I was usually with friends and guys and things that were more in the environment of guys like me. And all of a sudden at some point, it’s like I have a sudden curiosity and I’m turning my head towards the other sex. So, could you explain to me Grandpa, what’s happening with me, why is this happening to me, what do I do with this? It’s filling my whole head and my whole heart. What is happening with me?

Dr. Laitman: This is in order to teach you how to connect to others in a higher level than the degree of a child. We finished the years of smallness.

Oren: What years?

Dr. Laitman: Of smallness, katnut. Well, the degree of development like a child, let’s say till the age of 11, 12. And all of a sudden we start to feel that we have not just a matter of playing with those that are similar to me according to my interest in games, but all of a sudden I have a desire which is directed towards the other sex, towards a new desire; a new desire.

This desire is saying like this, I want to be connected to someone because she is a female, opposite and different and we, by our connection between us can cause pleasure to each other. This is already a connection, not at the degree of smallness where I just play in a natural way like pups play together. This is already a connection in the initial human stage. Through this connection, between the sexes, I learn how to connect to others because she is opposite me and I am receiving from nature, a natural inclination to be connected to her.

Earlier, I didn’t have it. Earlier I would only connect in my sex. I was very nice and good with them, now I received, because I grew, an impulse to develop and connect to the other half of humanity. Earlier I didn’t have any attitude to it; I would even disregard them – ah, dolls and all kinds of things. Now I’m actually interested in them.

Nature is teaching us that we need to go onwards towards connection between us. And then I advance. If I’m educated properly in the integral education, I start to use like, children taught me how to use it earlier, in children like me, now I’m receiving also the education how to use correctly this new impulse that nature is developing in me.

But this drive is a very essential drive because here it’s the connection between two forms in nature, plus and minus, male and female, north and south, pressure and vacuum, it doesn’t matter, darkness and light. It’s two shapes, two forms, and therefore the impulse for sex is such a fundamental drive that needs to teach me how to relate to the other half, but so that I will also be able to use it in the right way.

Now, I need to learn how to use it. Not just how to exploit him for the degree of animal in me, but to take use of it for the degree of human in me, because without Adam and Eve together, there is no Adam, there is no human. It’s called half a body. A human alone, a man alone is not called a human; only if he connects to the female, to a woman. Together, plus and minus, they build the cell which together is called Adam, or human.

Understand? When a person connects in the right way to a woman and he has a wife or woman, and he is in the right connection with her, right relation with her, he starts in the connection between them to feel already a spiritual phenomena.

Oren (not sure): What do you mean spiritual?

Dr. Laitman: Spiritual, meaning mutual love, not the corporeal, physical one, but completion that he exits above his ego to her, she exits her ego to him, there’s already a cell that starts to be alive, plus and minus are starting to relate and connect between them and they are not shorting each other out as a plus and a minus in a battery. But because there’s an ego between them that remains, so it’s like a resistor. Like a, yes, a resistor, and this common stream that’s between them and they can this way fill each other in a constant circulation.

Oren: What’s a resistor in this mutual screen?

Dr. Laitman: That I don’t want to connect to her in a spiritual way, I need to be above this through efforts. She too, through efforts cares for me more than she cares for herself and then it works out that we operate the resistors in us, the ego in us, in order to be connected above the ego. It’s a plus and minus in a battery that are connected to some one machine or engine. And then we build a system between us that is constantly flowing with a circulation of life; we become a cell, a live cell that has a plus and a minus and the mutual work. And this is called, man and woman, divinity dwells between them; meaning this spirit of the new life at the degree of human.

Oren: What spirit is that?

Dr. Laitman: This spirit is the sensation of new existence; the degree of human. What this is, I can’t explain. Just like you can’t explain to a vegetation what it is to be an animate, so to an animal, you can’t explain what it is to be in the degree of speaking.

Oren: Can I ask one for a second? You explained to me, when I was a child, then there were around me, children. Let’s say I am a boy and there were boys around me. And now, nature is awakening in me an interest and a curiosity in the second half of humanity, in order to develop me to a higher degree of connection towards others.

Dr. Laitman: To the cell of life. Now you are about to build a cell of life that wasn’t there earlier. A cell is called a minimalistic system that is independent.

Oren: A cell?

Dr. Laitman: Yes, a cell.

Oren: One more second, I wanted to understand this because I didn’t get this really. When I was small, I played with boys and I, kind of disparaged women, girls.

Dr. Laitman: Yes, because it wasn’t interesting to you. Yes, it was something that wasn’t understood to you. Yes.

Nitzah: Why does it happen, by the way? Let’s understand why does it first happen, rejection, between equals and all of a sudden between the sexes?

Dr. Laitman: Because I’m developing myself as a small man, first of all, between those that are equal to me, let’s say till the age of maybe 12, and then all of a sudden I start to understand that there is something additional. That I grew.

Nitzah: So a certain ripeness happens and then I moved.

Dr. Laitman: I went through the stage of smallness, katnut. Now, at the age of a youth in the teenage years, I need to get the education for sex and to develop my attitude towards sex. I’m not ready yet for the connection, but I’m only learning this. Let’s say from the age of 12 to the age of 16, 17, 18.

Oren: What is it called, to prepare myself for connection?

Dr. Laitman: There’s a period in the development of a youth.

Oren: But how is it essential? What is the preparation for connection?

Dr. Laitman: First of all he has to go through the education as a boy (youth) with other boys, and then she goes through with girls and then we do it between us in all kinds of workshops and activities that teach us how we need to see each other in the right way, meaning how to rise from above the degree of animate to the degree of speaking.

We are taught this, but they don’t teach like in schools today, the modern schools teach, you know how to do animalistic sex in what forms. Rather, they teach us how to rise, how to ascend above the physical connection to the spiritual connection.

Oren: Once again this sentence: They teach us how to rise by the physical connection to the spiritual connection. Can you explain this sentence?

Dr. Laitman: We need to…

Oren: What is it to rise by a physical connection to a spiritual connection which we need to learn in this stage of development?

Dr. Laitman: That I need to use my desires. It’s like in food. What does it matter? As I am at the time that I’m doing certain acts of sexual acts, and this desire burns in me, this aspiration or inclination for a certain pleasure, either I am hungry or I’m hungry for sex, what does it matter? Then, now I am thinking, how will I use this desire and my ability to fill others, and the other is my partner; my partner in sex.

Oren: What does it mean to fill her?

Dr. Laitman: To fill her, to well, we don’t have time and really, I have a lack of words here in my vocabulary in Hebrew. But let’s say, I’m thinking how I am bringing her pleasure. That’s the simplest exercise; that I have nothing for myself other than thinking how I cause her pleasure. And she is thinking how she is causing pleasure for me. Meaning, no one feels himself, but rather first of all feels the other.

In us rising above ourselves, above our pleasures, our personal pleasures, to the pleasures of the other, we are building between us, a system of connection which is already of human, of Adam and Eve, of the image of Adam, the common image, and in this image we want to feel the new life. This is called Adam and Eve, or man and woman, divinity dwells between them. This is what we want to reach.

Nitzah: What do you mean divinity between them?

Dr. Laitman: The sensation of the spiritual life.

Nitzah: Which is?

Dr. Laitman: Which is, that I already can’t already explain to you in words.

Oren: Let’s go back to the resistor.

Dr. Laitman: We have another minute, but...

Oren: This is what’s written, “Taste and see that the Creator is good.” She has a desire to enjoy pleasure from sex and he has the same desire. So we do an inversion and now I am thinking how to give her pleasure and she is doing the same for me. Why are we changing it?

Dr. Laitman: You are now rising above your pleasure, just like you have a desire for food. Why do you have all you egotistical desires? So that upon them, you will build a spiritual degree. This is the whole matter. Then what for were we given the ego? In order to build above it, a spiritual degree. What for did we have this whole long development of the still, vegetative, and animate? So that above them we would be able to build the degree of speaking which is opposite the desires that you use. You are using all of your desires, all of your inclinations for the sake of others.

Nitzah: This resistor is actually our common ego?

Dr. Laitman: Yes. Let it be the common ego. You need to feel it. But you have already an exercise.

Oren: And the time is also over. So, thank you very much Rav Laitman. You’re a good grandfather and I am taking you with me, home. Nitzah, thank you. And thank you too for being with us. All the best and a new life.

(End of the conversation)