http://files.kabbalahmedia.info/download/files/eng_t_rav_2013-06-30_program_haim-hadashim_n206.mp4

A Talk with Dr. Michael Laitman

A New life

Being parents

Talk 206

June 30, 2013 - before editing

Oren: Hello, and thank you for joining us for the series of talks, "A New Life" with Dr. Michael Laitman and Nitzah Mazoz. Along with you, we want to learn from Dr. Michael Laitman how to develop our ability to connect with other people, so that life would be truly good, instead of feeling that our entire life is just a bunch of survival techniques and struggles with everyone around us. We want to have good connection with the people around us. We want to start enjoying this connection instead of suffering from it, and we want to bring abundance and joy to our life so we get up in the morning with light in our eyes. Each time we meet here with Dr. Laitman, we try to focus on another aspect of our life where we connect with other people. In today’s discussion, we will deal with the most natural unit which is the family unit. We want to learn how to upgrade our lives in the family just like we upgrade a phone; we upgrade from one generation to the next generation, and each time this upgrade gives us new abilities, new things that we didn’t think we could do prior. We open new horizons for ourselves.

Dr. Michael Laitman: From a technological viewpoint, we understand this. As even children who start using the parent’s smartphone, we want to learn it, and not only from the technological level, but especially from the emotional level. We want to use our home, our family as a place that becomes an empire, a place of power where we can use our connection. Our partner or our parents is the family unit that can become the power station for creating power that can make our lives so much better. Those inside the home and those acquaintances and colleagues outside of the house can take us to new achievements. That’s what we are learning. There will be a lot to take in, so you may want to be prepared with a notebook and pen. Nitzah, where are we starting our talk today?

Nitzah: We are continuing our talk today based on the model you gave us on the previous program about this round family, the center of the family, all of the principles, values, feeling of belonging, mutuality, participation, equality - all these things take place in this model. Since we are on the family channel, there are always questions that are asked, and naturally one of the greatest questions is, “So that’s it? That’s all we have to educate our kids, just to connect properly? And what about studies, development, and success, and how will they succeed in life? How can I be sure 100% as a parent that if I take this model, I’m a 100% guaranteeing of my child’s success?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Our existence throughout the generations until now was dependent on personal success, individual success, an egoistic success. To the extent that I succeed in sports, the university, in anything, in that I’m succeeding in life. We need to see the world today, not according to our habits of the past, in this inertia, the way we were thinking in the past, but how the world is today. We see that the world today is becoming a round world, where we are all connected, where we are all dependent on one another, where we all have to supply things to one another and receive things from one another in a universal manner. This is now a form that is accepted by humanity. If I know, if I acquire, if I’m built according to this form, I’ll succeed in everything. If I’m not built in this manner, I won’t succeed in anything. I can be the greatest expert in the world, but I will not know how to get along, how to acclimatize myself, how to integrate in society, and at the end of the day, I’ll remain outside of everything. It’s not clear to us yet today; we are in the transition phase, but still it’s heading in that direction. Therefore, as we spoke of, in all the other generations, it was success, success, personal success, step on everyone, trample everyone, tear the streets apart, take people apart; the main thing was to succeed. Today that doesn’t work, because I have to participate with everyone, inside them and only inside them. Only by connecting with them, can I find my success. Even if I’m going to do a business deal, it can only succeed on the condition that I can arrange my environment in a round manner. Therefore, we have crisis in all business. I succeed in my family, if I succeed in arranging them in a circular manner. I’ll succeed in my work, with my colleagues only on the condition that we are in a round society. It’s not for nothing that they want to build those forms in every workplace; they are having workshops and all those things. Therefore, first of all, that is what we have to have. And then with this trend, with this approach -

Oren: Hang on a second, can you explain what that is? You said first of all this is what we have to have.

Dr. Michael Laitman: It’s the art of building connection, a family connection in every place. What do we mean by family? From the family, I take an example for every connection of mine in my life.

Oren: What’s the secret in this art?

Dr. Michael Laitman: The secret is that I know how to connect with people in a manner that we help one another, we complete one another, are integrated in one another. Therefore, we succeed according to our equivalence of form with this inner structure between us, that which is an integral network that connects us. We suit nature. We are in equivalence of form with nature.

Nitzah: In other words, if we as parents were educated for a world that’s very competitive -

Dr. Michael Laitman: Now it can also be a competitive world, but it depends on to what extent. Why are we losing in the competition today, because the competition took on a new form. Whoever is more integral, who is more connected, who knows how to connect these things together, he’ll be more successful, and not someone who is at the peak, the head of the pyramid.

Oren: What do you mean, someone who is more integral?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Someone who knows how to work with people in a uniform manner, together.

Once upon a time there was a scientist, a philosopher, a genius. It was one person. He would sit in his study and do something, but today, tons of people are working to develop something, doing something. It’s impossible to do it as one. And between them, they build meetings all the time, and only through these various connections they see they don’t know the correct way to connect, but they understand that they are sitting at meetings from morning to evening. They understand that from this integration between them, this merging, this is the only way they can reach something. But they don’t know in which manner to connect properly. When we come to workplaces, when we come to companies, we are teaching our work courses; we teach them the correct way to connect, the correct way to speak, the correct way to reach a state where they will have an integral connection between them; one brain, one feeling. From there, in building one great image of man with everyone together, this image can always create and shape the correct solution for them; this is called collective intelligence.

Nitzah: If I understand correctly, actually what you are saying is that the key to succeed in life today is in the correct connection between people. And the parent, if he wants to prepare his child for life correctly, he has to begin giving him some kind of space, like a field where he begins to gradually try to practice connecting properly with people. Now it can influence, but I want to check the influence. How is it possible that a boy receives this education? How does it influence his studies?

Dr. Michael Laitman: He gets used to listening, to connect, to communicate with the teacher, to hear and connect with the friends, who answers, how they answer; he is open to a connection, and this is how he learns. He always organizes, even without being aware of it, the surrounding environment around him, because that is his inclination. He invites less trouble, he is more disciplined, and therefore he succeeds. He is always more open in the family, so he quickly locates the problems wherever they are, and we help him to get out of them, we help strengthen him, etc.

Nitzah: I asked especially how it influences his studies, because as a parent, it is very important to me that he acquires these social abilities that he will be a person that he will have the ability to connect with people. But will it also influence his ability to study?

Dr. Michael Laitman: We see this in our work in schools: how our kids get organized, those that do our exercises, do our workshops, and how afterwards, they succeed in their studies.

Nitzah: How is it connected?

Dr. Michael Laitman: The power of listening, connection, the way they deal with lack of confidence, with lack of patience, everything changes in accordance with that. Also their marks.

Oren: Let’s go to the lack of confidence that you mentioned.

Dr. Michael Laitman: Let’s refer to the kids that you mentioned. I think 90% of what they do in their life, especially in their class, in school, in all those places, is just to look after their own security in society, because it’s a competitive hostile environment; it’s very difficult. If we slightly soften them up in this, each child opens up. He suddenly has reserves, he has strength inside to answer, to listen; otherwise he stops, since he is always protecting himself. He has to show everyone that he doesn’t care about anything, that he is like a macho. To whom can he show this? To his friends. On whom can he show? On the teacher or someone else. This is what we see in classes. He has to show everyone that he doesn’t care about anything; he can come, he doesn’t come. One does some kind of heroic thing against the management, against the principle, then he is thought of as cool. If we cancel these things, then children develop the ability to absorb material, to listen, so much more than they are capable of today. What are they doing all the time today: the connections between them, he said that, they have their own life, they don’t even look at the teacher, what he is doing over there?

Oren: So I want to talk about lack of confidence. Let’s say in our family, we start putting in this technology of connection, like in criticism, listening, looking at different angles; we are learning, we are teaching them how to talk to one another. This technology that we start to work on at home, how will it influence his confidence or lack of confidence outside.

Dr. Michael Laitman: First of all, the feeling that someone has his back, that he has somewhere to return to, they understand him there, and it’s his safe place, even if he leaves it, if he goes out of that nest, it’s always there and ready for him, first of all. Second of all, how many kids are in that class? We can already start to improve that class. We do workshops like that with the parents, and in that way we influence their ability to do workshops like that in class. We cause them to learn in a circle.

Oren: Hang on, I didn’t understand the connection, this reason, the cause and reason. At home, we implement this technology of connecting in a circle. Yes, I get a result that each family member, the kids feel more confidence outside the house. Why does this exercise of practicing connecting with someone else, why does it influence my personal confidence or lack of confidence?

Dr. Michael Laitman: He knows how to address other people. He knows how to read people. He’ll understand them. Why? Because he has this wisdom of connection. He has this inner communication ability, how people are connected, how to express myself. He is a person that has knowledge of the systems, the connection systems between people. Where, from where? From the family. Why? Because he is always with them.

Oren: He is with them, but how can he bring others?

Dr. Michael Laitman: It doesn’t matter. He starts to learn from that. How can he understand me and how can I understand him, how he can be in contact. And if we are not in contact, at least I understand him more. This gives me an ability to get into a strange person.

Nitzah: What does it mean to get into?

Dr. Michael Laitman: To feel him, to understand him, to dress in him.

Nitzah: And how does my dressing in someone allow me to feel more confident, because I know in advance whether to get closer or further away from him.

Dr. Michael Laitman: I don’t understand that. Knowing a person, I feel him on the inside then, I decide to get closer or further away from him, I start to talk in his language. He starts to feel that he is somehow close to him: similar to him, we are in some kind of similarity of form, we are not enemies.

Nitzah: I am looking for some kind of influences. I’ll explain what I want. Like any new model, before I go to acquire this new model and implement it in my home, I want to be sure how it will influence the entire system of life. I want to be sure that I am going to do the correct act as a parent, so we checked first of all how it will influence his studies. You said actually that the fact a person is learning to listen, it helps his ability to learn. It influences his confidence, because he can read the person in front of him. Will it help other aspects of his life?

Dr. Michael Laitman: I don’t understand, in what would it not help him? It radiates on his health, because he is less stressed, he is more confident. It’s in everything. If something hurts, he is not ashamed to say, he is not scared.

Nitzah: Say his behavior is like a kid that is a bit aggravated.

Dr. Michael Laitman: By himself or someone next to him?

Nitzah: It’s like aggravated.

Dr. Michael Laitman: Why? Why should he be aggravated? He’ll never have problems that come from being aggravated, because he is actually balanced inside.

Nitzah: In other words, hyperactivity, where does it come from?

Dr. Michael Laitman: From lack of balance. It comes from inside. We cause kids to be like that.

Nitzah: What does that mean?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Because a child he doesn’t know how to get along properly. He is always lacking time, lacking confidence, lacking a way to express himself, to listen; he always has to protect himself. He doesn’t know that his systems are limited on the inside. Thirty years ago, there wasn’t a term like hyperactive; it didn’t exist. Suddenly, since the 90s or something like that, this term suddenly broke out, and today it’s everyone. Today you can add ritalin to water, anything you want, and give it to everyone without any calculation. And in that you want to make up for your lack of education with the help of chemistry.

Nitzah: In other words, this model can help a child that is hyperactive; it can help him be more balanced?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Of course. There is no question. Of course.

Nitzah: How does it happen? Can you expand a little bit, because it’s a subject that’s really not simple for parents to deal with hyperactive children? Even if they aren’t ADD, this lack of calmness, how does this model that you presented, how does it influence the child?

Dr. Michael Laitman: We are a desire to receive. If he feels comfortable, rested.

Oren: What is the desire to receive?

Dr. Michael Laitman: It’s the desire of fulfillment. We have the desire to calm ourselves, to fill ourselves; we are egoistic. This little animal that is called a person, child, does not feel safe, is not satisfied in all different forms that are threatening him, demanding from him, demanding everything from him, and he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t manage it; he doesn’t get along in life. When does hyperactivity start? From the small age. Why? Because they behaved wrongly with him. And he can’t, it’s very hard to get out of that, because, in this case, he is in inner torment. He is not capable of listening. For him, everything is running inside. It’s like a person who is usually calm, and all of the sudden, he has all these problems. He’s willing to listen to normal things? Inside, he is some fog. So he can’t run like a child from place to place. He wants to solve his problems in a different manner. But it’s the same hyperactivity, just internal. We think that hyperactivity is expressed only externally. No. How many of the people that take drugs, all kinds of substances, do this for calming down? That’s not hyperactivity? It’s the same hyperactivity. Meaning, this lack of ability to connect properly with the environment that will give me confidence, calmness, and fulfillment, is the reason for this disease, hyperactivity. And why does this happen? Because today in an integral world, even though we are still ourselves, we behave according to the previous method, the individual method. And that’s where all the hyperactivity comes from. There are so many books and papers about this, and there is still no solution, because there is no understanding. There is no understanding of the problem itself. First you need to understand the problem, and then you can bring the solution.

Oren: If I understand your approach to a parent’s education, then you are saying, if parents, if I, for example, learn how to educate my kids properly, and I will be able to develop in them the ability to connect properly with the environment, then in that, I am surely bringing him to success in life in a variety of different aspects, not in a variety of -

Dr. Michael Laitman: In everything, in everything, because even our perception… it’s difficult to explain the science. I’m going to learn science. If I now exist in my inner vessels, I’m arranged as nature’s integral system, then I grasp science easily, because it’s all based on the same principle. I look at all these things, and I see it all; it all has to do with everything, the world in front of me, it’s connected, it’s so easy to connect everything on different levels: on inanimate, vegetative, animal levels, on the human level. What I see on the animal level, I can associate with the speaking level as well. Things are similar at different degrees. I received an integral approach, a new approach for learning and understanding, feeling and integrating with the general reality. For me to learn now any science or anything, any wisdom is not a big thing. I am looking at it as part of reality. Like you are asking me something now; I never thought of it before, according to this method, I immediately give you an answer. Where does it come from? Did I ever think that I’d have problems like this? No. Some of them not at all. It’s not in my field of interests.

Nitzah: So if I understand your approach to education, you are saying education is not some additional thing in a parent’s life. But let’s look at it from the other side. If I see a child that became a teen and an adult that didn’t succeed in life, go back and you’ll see that his parents didn’t themselves understand life, didn’t give him education, or didn’t develop in him this ability, and without it, he will not be able to survive in a connected world.

Dr. Michael Laitman: Yes, we see what they do. They are happy if they go to work, or if they don’t have work they get paid, how much unemployment do they get paid? And they sit at home, smoking, smoking grass or whatever, and that’s it. There is a bit of crime here and there whenever they have time, and that’s what they do. You have millions of people in this situation in the world, in a lack of education. We could take those billions that we don’t need for industry or anything else, but if they would connect properly with one another, if we would bring all the humanity the power, this integral power that would balance everyone with nature, we would calm down all of nature, all of ecology, all these things. We would build culture, a new culture in education.

Nitzah: I had a thought. Now that I’m aware that a lot of our problems that adult people are dealing with, are problems that can be attributed to the education they received or didn’t receive from their own parents; those various preferences that were in their family, let’s say, if they weren’t the preferred child etc. All these are things that people take with them for the whole life. It’s something that is very hard to fix later on.

Dr. Michael Laitman: The impressions a child received up to the age of 15. That’s it. Altogether, what happens afterwards only develops these things more; they remain as an approach to life. He can’t change it.

Nitzah: Let’s say older parents like us who are past this age, and whatever is on our operating disk that we got from our parents, that’s what we have. So now the parents have to go through a process, first of all, on ourselves. Before we become parents, we need to get rid of all the education we received, because we are educated according to the method which was ok for then. Today we have to go through some kind of process; we need to go through some new education, and then we will be able to become parents. Is that correct?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Yes.

Nitzah: That’s the first stage. Now what’s the first thing you would like such a parent to learn in a workshop for parents?

Oren: I’m the parent. You don’t need to suggest anybody else. I’m a parent. I am a person that represents parents: we have kids, we surely can say we weren’t taught to be parents, suddenly we found ourselves as parents, maybe we have a few kids, and I would really, really be happy to learn how to be a parent. Why? Because I feel that it’s not working. Let’s come from that place, from an individual place and not philosophical. The public that will listen to these talks will want to be a parent.

Nitzah: So the question I asked. What’s the first thing that I need to learn as a parent in order to become, to receive this, to take this model, to first of all go through it myself?

Dr. Michael Laitman: First of all, in the previous talks, we taught you as a couple to be connected to one another correctly. Do you remember that? You went through that education?

Oren: Yes. We learned how to connect as a couple.

Dr. Michael Laitman: You are connected, yes?

Nitzah: We are continuing to work on it. It’s not over.

Oren: It’s not only from black to white. It’s a process.

Dr. Michael Laitman: Because that same process, I want to take it and add the kids to that process. I’m not building it on nothing. Everything comes from physiological attraction. We want to build a more serious connection, a family, so they go into one another, they are integrated into one another so that each supplies the other with what they feel the other needs from him. And this is how we build one image, one man, him and her. Then we say, from having a connection between them and this mutual understanding, they can bring children. Who are the children? The children are the addition to the same connection; they are an addition. This addition, meaning that through the kids, the connection between them should grow all the time. Now they have the ability to raise the connection between them, to make it more multifaceted, with different forms, because they already have kids. One was born, two; it doesn’t matter how many. The more that are born and the more they participate, they are participating in treating the kids to supply one another. That remains. It is to supply them with what each one needs. A child for me is a reason to supply her with what she needs, and she toward me. It’s like a mother and father toward sons.

Oren: I didn’t understand. We had a connection between us, we wanted to supply one another, we wanted to build something common between us. And now after we have this common thing between us that’s called the new relationship, inside it we are trying to add children. Let’s say we have three or four kids. So what is this process? Let’s say that more or less, we got it, and we have something in common. What’s common? What’s so common? So teach me that as well. You are saying that’s the first stage.

Dr. Michael Laitman: Let’s say there is something in common. You build something between common between you, between the parents. From that single common thing, the kids come out of that.

Oren: What do you mean the kids? We didn’t add them to the new family yet, the new connection. You are saying how to add them. I’m not a blank page. I’m a parent, and I have kids.

Dr. Michael Laitman: You cannot give birth to kids if you don’t have the spiritual connection between you. That’s the widening of the connection between the young couple. They are getting into a connection because they have kids. Precisely because they have kids, because kids are demanding of them. Everything between them, what they built before in our workshops when they were a young couple, they are now starting to expand that connection, and the kids are coming in between them as a factor to widen the connection and deepen the connection.

Nitzah: In other words, the kids are giving, allowing…

Oren: How do we do it actually? I understand that kids need to transform our connection, to deepen it, so we need to add them to this connection.

Dr. Michael Laitman: They are widening this connection between them, because there are a few factors that are forcing them to be in connection. What the mother has to add, what the father has to add, and as the parents, this is the common thing between them.

Oren: I don’t understand.

Dr. Michael Laitman: First of all we build, we have a little bit of feeling in the parents’ minds.

Oren: We, the parents.

Dr. Michael Laitman: Yes and now we went from being one thing, to a few kids, and this is what is common between us. Now we are investing in this common thing, but it allows us to be in contact more, in mutual concern, in mutual completion for the kids, also spiritually and in corporality it’s our common place.

Meaning this connection that we had between us when we were just a couple - because in the future we wanted to build a family - that same connection is starting to be implemented precisely because of the kids. This requires actual work between us.

What I want to say is that we spoke of the family in previous talk. Where does this family come from? Where does it come from? It comes from the previous connection between the parents that has expanded along with the kids, and the kids are born more and more, expanding that same first connection when the two people met. Therefore, we need to deal first and foremost with the parents, then afterwards with the family, and then with the kids regarding school and other areas. But the foundation is the connection between the couple.

Nitzah: So now I’m going back to the question. I understood that in the most optimal manner, the correct path is always to start building part by part the connection between the parents ideally, then from there they develop, and then they bring kids to the world, and then they really head out to the new path. Because we are in the transition path that you spoke of before, we are in a situation where we already have a current state. We are in contact with people, we have kids, we are in a family, and we still really want to make a change.

Dr. Michael Laitman: You are in a crisis. That’s what you are in. More or less, that’s a broken situation. I get it. And what? You are giving me some specific broken situation like this, like this, and like this. The broken situation has all kinds of forms, and then how does a person deal with it? Precisely at this time, we still need to start with the parents. We can, in the middle of the journey, jump off the train. We need to begin with the big people, and then gradually teach them how to treat the little ones in the family, and bigger and bigger as we go along. That’s the correct path.

Nitzah: And now we are actually coming as parents, and we are going through the process. What’s the first thing that you can teach us as parents so that we will begin to receive this new approach that you are talking about?

Dr. Michael Laitman: You didn’t acquire this when you were kids?

Nitzah: We only heard of it now for the first time. This is the first time I am hearing about it.

Dr. Michael Laitman: So come to a course. Come to a workshop. Start learning about who you are, what we spoke of before, that you are egoistic, about the correct connection; everything that we spoke of before. We need to start from zero. From the egoistic single person that is going to connect with the other person, because it is nature pushing us towards this this connection. But above the nature that’s obligating us, we are starting to build the connection and awareness.

Nitzah: So let’s say I get that we need to go through a process like this. There is another chapter that you will add. When you start this chapter there is a part that’s specifically for the parents; how do I need to be thinking. We’ve started this common space between the parents. It’s a process that we are starting. “This is the couple,” now how do I convey this; how do I transfer this to the family? This is what I’m missing.

Dr. Michael Laitman: There is nothing missing. Let’s say there is a little kid, a five year old girl. Right?

Nitzah: Yes.

Dr. Michael Laitman: It’s as if she is between us. How do we widen our connection to take care of this five year old girl?

Nitzah: Yes. That’s the question.

Dr. Michael Laitman: The questions are, “What does my spouse want from me in looking after the kids? What does she want from me dealing with the daughter? What do we want from one another?” The daughter is another opportunity to develop the connection between us, for a deeper understanding, for expanding the connection. It’s as if the girl is coming inside of us, between us. We built this common area between us, we built this common space, and now into this common space, the daughter is born. She is common to both of us, and now we are dealing with her. Now, how can we each of us add? What do we add? What she is expecting.

Oren: Who?

Dr. Michael Laitman: My wife. What she expects from me, and what I expect from her in the relations between us, are now the current relations we have expanded by having a daughter that’s demanding from us. She is not really demanding but her existence really demands.

Nitzah: If I understand now, I have to start to understand my educational approach, his educational approach, and how we match these approaches, because there are many situations in our reality that the mother’s and father’s approach to education is completely even in conflict. I’ll give you an example: it’s a...

Dr. Michael Laitman: Now you have a place between you to work and understand the other, open the ego more and more in order to correct it together.

Nitzah: Is it important for us to first learn the common educational method that we need to put together? Let’s see I have an approach that I was brought up with and he has his approach, and we both think that it’s ok. Many times there are conflicts, because each of us thinks differently. It’s important for both of us our child’s education, but we have different approaches. How can we create a single approach that’s as one body?

Dr. Michael Laitman: We need to accept the integral educational approach, which is not yours and not his. There are not a lot of approaches. The truth is, there is just one.

Oren: Which one?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Suiting a person to nature.

Oren: What does that mean?

Dr. Michael Laitman: That altogether, we need teach the boy or girl how to be connected properly to all of the parts of reality; to be in mutuality, in friendship, in completion. This is the main learning.

Nitzah: In other words, in this process that we go through, we’ll each need to give up our individual approaches. We will learn an educational approach that will be common to both of us.

Dr. Michael Laitman: Not common, that it’s from him and from you, but what’s above you.

Oren: You said that learning how to educate the kids is another place for connection between the parents where everyone will precisely discover more ego, and it’ll give them more opportunities. So let’s say, today we learned this lesson from you about we to do at home with our family? But let’s say Nitzah, my partner, just understood you in a certain way, and I understood you in another way.

Dr. Michael Laitman: No, not that you understood me differently. We need to verify the message.

Oren: She has previous approaches from her past. Every person has them.

Dr. Michael Laitman: We try to put our various approaches aside. It’s totally unacceptable what you had before. We have to come with a clean page. Before mother and father start dealing with the baby, with ZON, they don’t have the wisdom, Hochma. Now that they are dealing with the baby, they receive wisdom from above, the integral approach, because at that point, they have connection from this wisdom that they received. With this wisdom, they deal with the baby. Do you understand?

Oren: I understood that I need to put aside everything I knew before, and she needs to put aside everything she knew before.

Dr. Michael Laitman: Because she has her method, and you have your method. You want wisdom, she wants hassadim, compassion.

Oren: So we come as a clean page, we learn from you how to build an integral family, and we try to implement it at home. Did I say that right?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Yes.

Oren: Now I have a question about implementing it, because that’s the principle. Soon we are going to go out of the studio, and we are going to learn the wisdom of life. We are going to implement it at home. When we get home, I’m going to tell you what will happen. We came out of the lesson, we tried to do it at home, and we tried to sit with the family members in a circle. We discovered that we had misunderstandings in the right way to relate to things. She and I understood that I have to relate in a certain way. She understood it a different way. We tried not to do it in front of the kids, but it caused an argument between us.

Dr. Michael Laitman: In front of the kids?

Oren: No, we did it on the side between us. We have an argument about it now, and it causes...

Dr. Michael Laitman: So you need to come to workshops and talk about it.

Oren: We have different opinions about implementing it. How can these differences of opinions be solved, because like in front of the kids... do we need to come as one or as two?

Dr. Michael Laitman: There should be no argument. There can be no argument.

Oren: So what do we do with the different opinions?

Dr. Michael Laitman: You verify it in the workshop without kids.

Nitzah: Does it always have to appear as one in front of the kids?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Of course. Each completes the other. Of course. Not that you are saying the exact same words, but at the end of the day, what the mother and father say comes to a child in a straight line, in a common line.

Oren: Ok. Let’s say the common line is the aspiration; that’s what we aspire to.

Dr. Michael Laitman: But that will happen. You’ll see it, a girl and a boy. You’ll see that in the mother or father... there is a boy and a girl. The boy in the mother that comes to connect to the girl in her. That’s how it is. In each of the parents, there is the girl and the boy. How they connect to this one, they connect to that one.

Nitzah: It’s nice what you’ve explained.

Dr. Michael Laitman: What do you mean that I’ve explained it?

Nitzah: You mean in each of us we have a girl and boy inside?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Yes.

Nitzah: But now when I go to talk with my daughter.

Dr. Michael Laitman: The right side of mother and father is called the male. And in that way, you treat a boy. And the female side in the mother and father combine to deal with the daughter.

Oren: How do I find a girl inside me? I have a daughter. I want to connect with her.

Dr. Michael Laitman: No, it’s not for now. So let’s go back to more the difficult thing regarding the arguments between us. It’s an image that you are integrated in from your children, and she is also integrated from it. Before they exist, you can’t imagine it. But afterward, when you imagine this image, then this is how you work. We’ll learn it. It’s a very great wisdom.

Oren: So let’s go back to the simple things. I want to understand to conclude this. It looks to me like there will be a difference between what we are learning in the studio. I understand that the aspiration to be as one; as parents, we need to be as one. I want to tell you, straight from the beginning, of course we are going to argue over what you are teaching us. We are going to argue at home in my house for sure. There are going to be arguments.

Dr. Michael Laitman: Listen.

Oren: What do I do? I am asking you, because you are my teacher.

Dr. Michael Laitman: I can’t explain to you otherwise, but only in my wisdom.

Oren: But I want everyone to understand, not just us. I need to understand.

50:55

Dr. Michael Laitman: There is an opinion. There is an upper opinion from which the mother and father feed off of. That is how they build the bottom opinion, which is common to the parents and transferred to kids, to ZON. That’s how the system of connection works between us.

Oren: So now let’s break it down here.

Dr. Michael Laitman: You have to receive from me what I am conveying to you, and this method has to be simply integrated in each of us and both of you in a clear manner. I can’t imagine a situation where you can discuss it in a workshop and suddenly you go home, and it disappears. Why does it disappear?

Oren: It didn’t disappear. We have different opinions about how to implement it. I say this is what we need to do, and she says she understands it differently. But what do I do at home?

Dr. Michael Laitman: What implementation can you do? Then you don’t implement anything; you stop it right away, you transfer over to some game or something, and that’s it. Can you continue with arguing? God forbid. In front of kids, you can never do this. If there are differences of opinion between you, it’s a sign that one of you didn’t understand me properly.

Oren: Definitely.

Dr. Michael Laitman: But who?

Oren: That’s what the argument is about.

Dr. Michael Laitman: Then you need to come back to me. There is nothing to argue about. You give her a kiss, you give her a hug, you verify this deficiency face to face, and you come with this deficiency to me. You write it down and come to me. Now you have a subject to deepen your understanding of the method.

Oren: Now I want to understand. If we feel that there is conflict then of course we shouldn’t argue in front of the kids.

Dr. Michael Laitman: We need to kiss the argument. You can kiss her. It doesn’t matter. You need to respect the argument, because here you have an ability to understand even more.

Oren: I don’t understand.

Dr. Michael Laitman: You need to be happy that there are misunderstandings, because now you have the ability, a deeper ability to understand the method. How did you learn in school or the university? There is always a problem and solution.

Oren: So if we get into a situation, we need to stop it right away, and we need to make a game of it? What kind of game?

Dr. Michael Laitman: The main thing is to cover things up. Do something nice, something that you are used to doing from other workshops.

Oren: I didn’t ask for something other than the game. Until now, you taught us the technology of discussing things together. Discussing together is sometimes perceived as intrusive, delving into people; the situation and the atmosphere doesn’t always allow this. Is there another tool, apart from discussion, something a bit lighter? That’s why I am asking about the game. Is there something lighter that will bring us to the same result in the ability to develop the connection between us? Is there lighter method?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Yes. There are books. I don’t know what it’s called; the words of songs…

Oren: Songbooks.

Dr. Michael Laitman: Take a songbook and start singing together. You don’t need to be like at the opera, like some duet.

Oren: The whole family?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Even the whole family. If you say you can’t talk with one another, then you sing together.

Oren: Me and her?

Dr. Michael Laitman: You and her. What’s the problem? You are at home, so you can do it.

Nitzah: But what’s the principle behind it? What will it give me?

Dr. Michael Laitman: A connection. Through the song, you complete one another, you have to hear the pace, where he is going, where you are going; you have to be together. The melody is obligating you to connect. He is asking you, “How can we connect in other ways?” as an example.

Oren: What does it mean that we have to listen?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Play something where you complete one another, even cubes, puzzles, just not cards, because that’s one against the other.

Nitzah: Any game that requires some kind of completion.

Dr. Michael Laitman: Completes.

Oren: Ok, our time is almost up. But you have exercises. I still want to come out with a conclusion. What we tried to understand in this talk is, as parents, what our role is and what the right education is that we need to provide for our kids. So, the insight for today is, what our role is and what the right education to give our children is.

Dr. Michael Laitman: I want the child to feel that he is, on the one hand, in between mother and father, that he is their spiritual property that expands the connection between them, that a child adds the love between them, adds to their mutual understanding, and obligates them to agree on connection. That’s toward them. Apart from that, the child comes is an integral participant between them, and they give the child a feeling that he is equal between them. Now we have three in the family, and there is no big and small. The child needs to feel it from day one. On the one hand, he gets completely dedicated treatment, and on the other hand, something is expected of him. You’ll see how he begins to smile, to react. All kids begin to react after a month or two; he’ll start to react after a week in everything. It will happen. And afterward tell me.

Nitzah: Thank you Dr. Laitman. We thought a parent’s course would be easy, but we see that there is a lot to learn.

Dr. Michael Laitman: It’s not for nothing that you have four kids. It’s where you are going to start to learn. According to your behavior, and when they look at you, you can see how many kids you have. If I advance in that.

Oren: Why, what will you see?

Dr. Michael Laitman: Because the kids will obligate you to be otherwise. Each and every child. I can even see how many boys and how many girls, and if your behavior is in accordance with how the kids are educating the parents.

Oren: I like that. The kids educate the parents; remember that. Thank you Dr. Michael Laitman, thank you Nitzah. All the best, and so long.

(End of the conversation)